The Loophole in the Fine Print
by newyork24-7
Summary: Set after Genesis. Robbie and Jackie come to an unusual agreement that's going to be anything but straightforward.
1. Chapter 1

**I know I've done babyfics before and I know they're somewhat cliched but my muse has went wandering, work is God awful and this idea popped into my head and I just can't help myself. **

* * *

Genetic dead end. The words circled around her head, tormenting her, and try as she might Jackie couldn't just forget them, couldn't just push them to one side as she would have in the past. It was akin to having someone rub salt in a wound she decided. During this case she'd had to face the one issue she'd been trying so hard to ignore, and that was whether or not she wanted children.

Years ago she would never once have thought that this would be an issue for her, she'd been part of a big family and as a result she'd always firmly believed that she would head down that route herself. She'd never once thought she'd be on the wrong side of forty and completely alone. Her chance to have a child quickly slipping away from her, like sand filtering through an hour glass.

She'd always assumed that she would be married when she got pregnant, but times were changing and the perfect relationship wasn't about to drop into her lap, and did she even really need it to? She had a good home, a good job and more than enough savings. As for the baby not having a father, that was true but they would have male figures in their life, her brothers, her father and she knew that they would never see any child of hers deprived in anyway.

This case had showed her that she didn't need to wait –not that she really had the time to wait anyway – that if she knew what she wanted then she should just go and get it. After all she didn't rely on a man in any other aspect of her life, why should she change that?

It was time for her to consider other options. After all a relationship could follow in the future, but could she really keep holding on, waiting for it to magically appear?

"Right that's me packed." Robbie's voice cut through her thoughts, and she turned to see him walk into the living room, stretching slightly as he did so. "So I'll be out of your hair soon." He dropped down on her sofa and asked with a small grin, "Do you want to order some food first? Or do you want me out now?"

She couldn't help but smile. "I suppose I could put up with you for a little while longer, if of course you're paying."

"Think I can stretch to that. I fancy Chinese tonight, you?"

"Sounds good, as long as you remember the prawn crackers."

Robbie rolled his eyes good naturedly. "I forgot one time, are you ever going to forget it?"

"Of course not." She got to her feet, her hand brushing over his shoulder as she walked past him. "If you order I'll get some wine out."

"I do love it when a plan comes together," he grinned, reaching for Jackie's house phone and flinging his legs up onto her sofa.

"We're not eating it through here," she reminded him, pausing in the doorway to do so, "so don't get too comfortable."

"Uh huh," he mumbled and she knew he wasn't listening as he tucked the phone between his ear and chin and picked up the paper, flicking through the sports section.

Jackie shook her head in exasperation, it was like talking to a brick wall at times, it really was. It was strange though, despite some of his irritating habits she'd enjoyed having him around the house, was glad of the company in fact. That being said, if he left his wet towels on her bathroom floor one time she might use them to throttle him.

* * *

Taking another sip of the red wine Jackie had poured them, Robbie watched her carefully, she was quiet tonight and he didn't like it. He hadn't heard everything that that lunatic doctor had said to her, but he'd seen the expression on her face as he'd said it and he knew that he had managed to hit a sore spot. "You're quiet tonight," he commented finally.

She gave a small half shrug as she replied, "Just thinking, that's all"

His lip gave a small curl. "That sounds unpleasant."

"I imagine for you it is," she answered quickly, "thankfully not all of us are burdened in that way."

"Well you certainly don't look like you're having fun. Want to talk about it?"

"Not really."

"It's not about what that nutter said, is it? Because you should just ignore him."

"Easy for you to say," she mumbled, taking a fortifying gulp of her wince before concluding, "He didn't say it about you."

"He was trying to get to you."

"And it worked, he managed it." She ran her finger over her around the rim of her wine glass for a moment, her head slightly fuzzy from the wine, loosening her tongue as she added unthinkingly, "Anyway it's better that he said it, because he was right."

"He was," Robbie echoed unsurely, he wasn't sure if he liked the way this conversation was headed. "What was he right about?"

"I need to make a decision and I need to follow through on it."

"Ok...and what's the decision?"

Jackie took a deep breath, steeling herself before replying, "I'm going to have a baby."

Robbie choked on the wine he'd chosen that particular moment to take a drink of. "Sorry," he spluttered, wiping the corner of his mouth with his hand. "I just wasn't expecting that." He nudged Jackie's glass away from her hand adding on a slight laugh, "I think you might have had too much to drink."

"I haven't had too much to drink," she retorted indignantly. "I've thought this through, it's not just something that I've decided tonight."

"Jackie, I hate to point out the obvious but you're missing one vital thing."

Her lips thinned. "I would have thought that considering the time we spent at that clinic even you would have realised that being in a relationship isn't the only way to have a baby."

"Maybe not but it's the best way."

"Says who? You were married when you had Jamie, you're not meant to be able to get more of a stable background than that for having a child and when was the last time you saw him?"

"Ok so my marriage didn't work out but at least I gave it a shot, and I might not see the most of Jamie but at least he knows he has a dad he can come to if he needs me, this kid won't even have that to start with! Jackie you're upset and you're not thinking straight."

"I am, I've waited for years, waiting for the right time to have a family. I waited until I had a steady career, I waited until I got married, I waited so that Brian and I could work through the problems we were having, wanting to wait until I was in a completely stable relationship and I'm still waiting! What if it never happens? Or if the right guy comes along but in ten years time? I don't have ten years, Robbie." She leaned back in her chair, shaking her head at him. "I probably don't have five."

Robbie swallowed heavily, she did have a point, the clock was ticking but he didn't want to hear these words coming out of her mouth. "Seriously, you want to have a baby with a sperm donor after this case? Your kid could end up with a double murderer for a father," he joked weakly.

Her lips curled into a smile. "You always tell me I have bad taste in men."

"You've yet to have that bad."

"I'll be careful about who I pick."

"Doesn't mean someone won't switch the samples, or they could just end up using the wrong one by mistake," Robbie pointed out. He didn't like this, the idea of Jackie being tied to some stranger for the rest of her life, of having some stranger's baby, of having anyone's baby. He rubbed his temples with the tips of his fingers, he didn't want to linger on why this was bothering him as much as it was. "You might not get what you thought you were going to."

"I don't want a perfect specimen," Jackie replied, sighing in exasperation. "What I want is a baby."

"And what are you going to do when this kid wants to know why they don't have a dad?"

"Tell them the truth, it's not going to be that unusual in a few years time."

"It might not be unusual but what if all this mucking about with nature has side effects?"

"Not like you to think about the morality of things," she replied archly.

Robbie rolled his eyes. "I meant that some of these techniques are pretty new, how do you know that they won't have side effects that don't show up right away."

"Look I know it's not the ideal way to have baby and yes I'd prefer to do it the old fashioned way, and yes I'd prefer any child of mine to have at least the chance to have a father but I don't think I can afford to wait much longer for that to happen."

"What about money? These treatments are expensive and then there's the cost of raising a kid to think about."

"I have it."

"Jackie our salaries might be enough for you to just about manage childcare and all the crap kids need over the years but it's not going to cover all this fancy fertility stuff."

"My salary might not but hopefully my savings will. I won't use all of them of course but I...I looked into it and half of my savings will stretch to about four cycles of IVF. I'm hoping that will be enough."

"Have you been doing dodgy dealings on the side?" Robbie asked jokingly.

"I don't gamble," she replied, smiling cheekily, that same smile fading as she added, "Brian left me money, this probably isn't what he had in mind for it though."

"No, probably not," he agreed and despite hating this conversation he wanted to make her feel better he told her, "But he did give you the choice."

Her smile brightened again. "Exactly and this is my choice, and it means should everything work then you don't need to worry about me being on the breadline."

"Still," he sighed irritably, his arguments weren't hitting the mark but he wasn't going to just stop trying. "What are you going to tell people at work?"

"Nothing, they don't have to know."

"You told me," he pointed out.

"You're my friend, I thought you'd be more supportive."

"You want me to be supportive?"

"I'd prefer it."

"Fine, I'll do it," he told her, the words out before he'd really had a chance to think them through.

Her brow creased. "What? Be more supportive?"

"Well yeah but that's not what I meant." The idea was forming in his head and the more he thought about it the more it made sense – to him. "I'll be the father."

Jackie laughed, she couldn't help it. "I think that you're the one who's had too much to drink."

"Not had any more than you."

"I've thought through what I want to do, and that's without the benefit of alcohol," she pointed out.

"I have thought this through. This way you can save yourself a fortune on IVF, we can take as long as it takes, you don't have to limit yourself to four attempts. The kid has a dad that they know-"

"Robbie," Jackie interrupted him suddenly. "That sounds even more complicated, us having a baby together is just insane, what would we tell people?"

"Nothing. Look I know I'm not great at being a dad, but I can be Uncle Robbie if you'd prefer and you...we can tell them when they're older, if that's what you want. And we're friends so I was going to be around it anyway."

"It?" She echoed dangerously.

"Sorry, had you named it already?"

"Shut up," she laughed, throwing a screwed up sheet of kitchen roll at him.

"Stop interrupting and I'll be serious," he teased before turning solemn again and leaning forward, trying again to convince her. "Look, at least this way you know the father, the baby can know me, they can know their family history the big things and the little things. You don't get that from a test tube."

"And what if you want more? I know I said I wanted this baby to have a father but I don't want to shuttle them backwards and forwards all the time."

"Won't happen, I know my limits, Jacks, I'm better at the fun, superficial stuff, but this could work, I know it could."

Her head tilted to the side. "Why do you want to do this?"

He paused before answering. He wanted to do this because if he did then even if he didn't do the whole doting dad thing he'd still be part of Jackie's life, they'd be tied together. If she had some stranger's baby...he just didn't like that idea, hated it in fact. That wouldn't cut it as an answer though and he knew it wouldn't. "Because you're serious about this and this is the best solution,"

"Not if we meet other people."

"It's not really any more complicated than most of the baggage people our age have."

Her nose wrinkled," It is a bit."

"More complicated than months of invasive treatments that might not work or having to explain why you decided to use a donor. Whereas you can just tell him we have had a drunk one night stand if you want. No one else would ever need to know I was the dad but I'd be here if you needed me."

"And you'd want to do this the...natural way?"

His mouth quirked," Uh huh, makes sense and it's cheaper."

"This better not just be a ploy to get me into bed," she warned him.

"Boy scouts honour."

"You were never a boy scout," she snorted.

"The sentiment's the same."

"Is it hell."

"You sound like you're thinking about this," he told her, a cocky smile sneaking across his face.

"You do have a few good points," she replied grudgingly. "But I'm not just going to agree right now and drag you to bed. I want you to really think about this, without the wine...or any other form of alcohol-"

"I'll say the same thing."

"I still won't just jump into bed with you. No offence Robbie but you've done the rounds a fair few times, so if we're going to do this then you're going for an STD check."

His mouth almost fell open. "Charming," he murmured.

Jackie laughed, she couldn't help it, the expression on his face was priceless. "I'm sorry but this isn't just one of your one night stands, we have to have rules, and while you're sleeping with me then you won't be screwing around, if you wanted out so you could do that then fine, you just say."

"Won't change my mind," Robbie replied. "Although I reserve the right to make this fun."

Her smile widened. "I'm not banning fun, I just want us to be safe as well."

"Ok, so we're doing this then?"

"We're talking about it. You might wake up tomorrow, back in your own flat and regret this entire conversation-"

"So might you."

"So let's just hold off for a few days, let the idea settle."

"Yeah well don't wait too long, you're not getting any younger," he reminded her, trying and failing to hide his grin.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thinking about deleting Now or Never, kind of lost the thread of it and don't feel it's going anywhere.**

* * *

The sound of the doorbell pierced through Jackie's aching head, and squeezing her eyes shut in a moment of annoyance, she grumbled under her breath as she dragged herself off the sofa and headed for the door. What she hadn't expected was to find an equally bleary eyed Robbie on her doorstep clutching a polythene shopping bag. "You better not be about to tell me that you're flat's flooded again," she told him dryly.

He grinned, "What and all I managed to save this time is in this bag? Would be upsetting but nah, figured we needed to talk about last night and figured that we'd both need a fry up as well, soak up last night's alcohol." He dangled the bag in front of her, looking smug at the genius of his idea.

"As long as you're going to help cook it," Jackie replied, moving out of the doorway and letting him past.

"I was kinda hoping I could just yell instructions from the sofa."

She smacked his shoulder as he went to pass her. "Don't even think about it."

He wrapped his free arm around her shoulder as they walked towards the kitchen. "Always forget how crabbit you get when you're hung-over."

"I'm not hung-over, I'm just tired and hungry," she shot back.

"Well I can solve one of those problems. You know I can't even remember much about getting into the taxi home."

"Three and a bit bottles of wine will do that to a person."

"Not like I drank them on my own."

She let out a small chuckle of laughter. "That is exactly why I have a headache."

"No hangover though?" he teased, squeezing her shoulder before slipping his arm free, heading to the counter and pulling out a container of eggs before unceremoniously tipping the rest of the food out, causing it to scatter across the previously immaculate countertop.

"It's not bad enough to be considered a real hangover." Jackie wrapped her arms around her middle and shuffled slightly on her feet. Conversation might be flowing easily between them but they weren't exactly addressing the elephant in the room and it was definitely there. "Robbie, about what we discussed last night."

He turned, leaning back against the counter, watching her carefully as he replied, "You mean us having a baby."

Her skin prickled slightly, she didn't normally just open her mouth and blab all her inner-most thoughts to all and sundry and she was more than a little embarrassed that she'd done so last night, especially on this subject and especially to Robbie. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and gave a sharp nod. "Yeah...that. Look if you've seen sense then you can just say, I'm not going to hold you to anything that you said last night."

"Have you changed your mind about having a baby?"

"No."

"Well then I've not changed my mind," he told her firmly before turning back to the food and asking, "Where do you keep your frying pan?"

"On your bottom left," she answered, frowning at him in confusion. "I thought you would have done."

"And I thought you were going to help with this?" He turned and caught her wrist, pulling her up beside him. "I'll sort the fried stuff; you set the table and make the toast."

"Giving out orders now, DI Ross?"

"Well I'd like to eat sometime in the next month, come on we can talk while we eat."

Grabbing the loaf of bread from the cupboard, Jackie pulled at the tie at the top, her fingers faltering slightly as she told him, "I just don't think that you've thought this through."

"Might not have when I first suggested it, but I have now. If you're determined to go through with this then I think this is the best way. How many bits of bacon you wantin'?"

"Three. I can just about understand why it's better for me; I don't get what's in it for you though."

He shrugged. "Why does there have to be something in it for me?"

"Because it's not like you're just loaning me a jumper-"

"Don't think I own a jumper," he interrupted with a grin as he gave the frying pan a shake and pushed the bacon and sausages about the pan.

"Don't be so bloody awkward," Jackie replied, rolling her eyes. "You know exactly what I mean, if we do this and I do actually get pregnant you can't just ask for your...contribution back."

His loud laughter broke the air. "My contribution?"

"I couldn't think of another way to put it," she admitted, small burst of laugher escaping her, she met his eyes and although her smile stayed in place her tone was serious as she added, "But I have a point. What if halfway through the pregnancy you decide it was a really bad idea? Or what if you decide that maybe you don't want to just stand on the outskirts looking in?"

His eyes flickered down to the sizzling food and then back up again, his voice low and calm as he replied, "I'm not going to change my mind. I told you last night I'm no good at being the responsible Dad, I'm only good at the fun bits, why would I want to be the one stuck changing nappies and getting up in the middle of the night?"

"Well then why not just let me go to some clinic and get an anonymous donor? You could still be there for any of the fun bits and we don't have that cloud of uncertainty looming over us."

Because he didn't want her having another man's kid, he wanted to yell. He pursed his lips, holding that thought back and instead telling her, "Because of what I said last night, at least then this kid doesn't have that whole genetic uncertainty hanging over them and if they ever wanted to find me then they could. They can't do that if you use a donor."

"That's true and it's only normal that they would want to know where they came from." She eyed him speculatively. "You're serious about this, aren't you?"

"Yeah, and it means you don't need to put yourself through IVF, take all those drugs."

"But we'd have to have sex, and there's no guarantee that anything would happen the first time round, it might take months."

"I could live with that; we'd just be friends with benefits for a bit."

"And you'd be happy with not screwing around?"

He wouldn't want to screw around if he was with her he thought, replying, "Well we'd be having plenty of sex to make up for it. After al the more we have sex the better the chances are for it working."

"Sex complicates things," she pointed out.

"It can, but it doesn't have to. We both know the rules before we set out, no-one gets hurt."

"Hmmm," Jackie murmured, almost violently buttering the toast as she considered her options. She could see his point, on paper it was a good solution but it could be disastrous if it went wrong. "But rules don't stop feelings."

Finishing dividing up the food between the plates, Robbie turned to look at her. "Are you going to fall in love with me?"

"No, you're completely wrong for me," she replied bluntly.

He'd expected that answer of course but the certainty in her voice still stung him. "Well then it's not going to be a problem, is it?"

"Well...no." She bit down on her bottom lip for a minute, thinking. She'd always found Robbie attractive, always wondered what he'd be like in bed and had always wanted to find out, but hadn't wanted to ruin their friendship by doing so. And objectively he was good looking, clever and funny, genetically a kid could do a lot worse, and he was right that the idea of having to take all those fertility drugs and dealing with the possible side effects was daunting. She looked up to see him watching her expectantly, waiting for her response. "Ok then," she declared decisively. "Let's do it."

His face broke into a grin as he grabbed the two plates and shot back cheekily, "Let me have breakfast first."

Shaking her head and trying not to smile, Jackie followed him to the table. "Before I let you anywhere near my bedroom we're going to set some ground rules."

"Thought we'd covered that, we don't screw around, don't get emotionally involved and I get checked over."

"I'll get checked over as well, it's only fair," she replied. "Although I meant more what happens if I do get pregnant."

He took a sip of his coffee before replying, "You call the shots, it's your kid and I'm just a family friend."

"I won't ask you for child support."

Robbie paused, trying to ignore the slight tightening in his chest at the thought that he wouldn't be providing any form of support for any baby that might come out of this, it was a bit disconcerting to be honest. "But if you ever needed anything," he prompted, "you'd only have to ask."

"That's not really fair to you."

"It is if I say it is. I know we've agreed I won't play a big role but I don't want to see you struggle. So I want you to promise me that you'll ask."

She nodded. "Fine, but only if I'm really desperate."

His mouth quirked at that. "Thanks for the vote of confidence," he remarked sarcastically.

"I don't mean it like that, I just meant that-"

"I know what you meant, I was teasing," he interrupted. "Look this doesn't have to be that complicated. I already know where I stand, ok?" He covered her hand with his own for a second.

She could feel the warmth from his hand seep through her; it was comforting and settled her slightly jangled nerves. "Ok then," she breathed out. "So is there anything else we need to cover?"

"Just what I said last night, let's make this fun, not stressful."

"So no calendars or thermometers," she joked.

His forehead creased, a frown crossing his features. "What the hell do thermometers have to do with it?"

* * *

**One Week Later**

"I got the all clear."

Jackie jumped at Robbie's whispered words, his breath tickling at the shell of her ear, her hand jerking, causing coffee to slop out over the sides of her mug. "Don't sneak up behind me," she hissed, her tone reprimanding as she placed the mug onto the kitchen counter and grabbed some kitchen roll to wipe her hands dry. "You just about gave me a heart attack."

He merely grinned at her reaction. "Just thought you'd like to know, time not being on your side and all."

Her cheeks flushed. "Bloody cheek."

"It was you that said it," he reminded her.

"You're still not meant to bring it up," she told him, a lilt of laughter in her voice this time.

"I'm nothing if not honest. So now that we're both as clean as whistles are we going to get this show on the road?"

She rolled her eyes, "You have such a way with words."

"You don't appreciate all that hearts and flowers stuff anyway. So are we ready to go then?"

"You really are sure about this?"

"I wouldn't have taken it this far if I wasn't."

"Then there's no sense in hanging around, I suppose."

"Now who's got a way with words?" He teased.

She looked over at him. "Sorry, it's just all a bit surreal, standing here having this conversation with you. Never thought we'd be having a debate on when we should have sex while we're still at work."

"We barely ever get out of work."

"That's true, so should we just get to it on the countertop then?" she quipped. "You know just in case we don't make it home tonight."

"Interesting suggestion, but what would you do if I said yes?"

"Make you explain it to Burke."

He laughed. "Here's hoping the kid gets your wit, and my good looks."

"Or at least your sense of humour," Jackie replied. Reaching out she squeezed his hand. "Promise me that this won't change things between us."

"Nothing stays the same forever, Jackie, but like I'm going to let you slip away. Who'd keep me in line if you weren't here?"

"Ah so this is all about self preservation?"

"Little bit," he admitted. "Look how about we stop thinking so much about this and instead when we get out of here I'll make us dinner and we'll just see where things go."

Jackie nodded. "That sounds like a good idea, no pressure on either of us."

"None."

"So your place or mine?"

"Yours I think, mine's might be dry now but it's not exactly tidy yet-"

Robbie cut off mid sentence when Burke stomped into the kitchen. "You two better be discussing the case, you're not getting paid to drink coffee you know."

"You won't want a cup then?" Jackie asked innocently.

He glared at her. "Watch your lip."

Robbie sniggered, his expression quickly straightening when Burke turned to glare at him, asking nonchalantly, "Any developments we should know about?"

"Bugger all." Burke ran his hand over his head as he looked up at the clock. "We're still waiting on the forensic tests coming back and they're not going to come back in till the morning now, you lot might as well go home for the evening." He looked between them both sharply and added, "But I want you both in here first thing in the morning."

"Understood," Robbie called after him, waiting until Burke was out of earshot before asking Jackie, "You got food in?"

"Enough to put together some semblance of a meal," she replied.

"Then I'll drive to yours and meet you there."

Jackie's mouth quirked into a smile, as she told him, "I guess I'll see you there then."

* * *

"I shouldn't be drinking wine," Jackie sighed, frowning at the glass that Robbie had just poured for her as she'd cleared away the plates.

"Thought that was only true when you're actually pregnant?"

"If you're actively trying then it's recommended that you stop. I've been reading up on a few things."

"And what else have you read?" Robbie asked, his mouth twitching in amusement, he should have seen this coming, Jackie didn't like to go into anything blind.

She blushed and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Nothing much," she replied, the flood of colour across her skin suggesting otherwise.

"Well you can give up after tonight if you want, but I think we deserve at least one glass tonight."

"As long as that glass doesn't turn into a bottle," she remarked dryly.

"I know, you're a bad influence."

Jackie laughed, leaning back in her chair as she felt the last of the tension in her muscles ebb away. Why had she thought this would be awkward? It was just another night, just with the possibility of more. "Will we move to the sofa?" she suggested. "Be a bit more comfortable."

"Sounds good, don't think my back can take sitting in these chairs for too long."

"You sound like an old man, although," she considered him carefully, "I suppose you're not exactly in the first flush of youth."

"Never had any complaints before," he remarked confidently. "Just means I'm more experienced."

"You do know they say pride comes before a fall, don't you?"

He chuckled under his breath as he got to his feet, reaching for her hand he pulled Jackie to hers, his arm circling her waist as she stumbled in surprise, steadying her. "And you haven't even had a sip of your wine yet," he teased.

"Caught my foot on the leg of the chair," she mumbled in explanation, her hand sliding over the arm that was still locked around her waist, trailing it up to his shoulder and then to his jaw. Her heart was hammering away in her chest now and she saw his eyes darken slightly, the arm around her waist tightening, drawing her closer as the fingers of his other hand brushed ever so gently against her cheek before brushing though her hair.

Her thumb brushed the edge of his cheekbone as she edged closer to him, their heads tilting closer and closer together until their lips touched. Robbie groaned at the contact and pulled her tighter into him so that her body was firmly pressed against his, feeling a thrill running down his spine at the feel of her curves finally underneath his hands, his fingers itching to touch her skin itself. He felt like he'd waited years for this moment. He had always thought they could be good together but the excitement he felt kissing her surpassed every fantasy he'd ever had.

She brought her hands up, resting them on the solid warmth of his chest for the briefest of moments before pushing him away, feeling slightly dazed and needing to catch her breath. She'd felt herself begin to lose control of the situation, it had been more than she'd expected and she'd needed to pull away, to try and regain some of her common sense, even as she felt her stomach start to swirl with lust. If she'd known that one kiss from him could make her feel like this she wasn't sure she would have played it so safe for all these years.

He was staring at her as though he'd never seen her before, breathing out, "Well that was…"

His brown eyes flickered from her eyes to her mouth and then back again, his implication, his need clear and she found herself unable to resist.

They moved seamlessly into another kiss. Robbie pulled her closer into his and she felt her breasts crush against his chest and that simply spurred her on. Her hands cupped the back of his head, pulling him closer as she went up on her toes, trying to sink further into him as the kiss deepened. Her heart was pounding as she felt his grip on her tighten, she couldn't think straight anymore, all she could think of was how much she wanted this to keep going.

One hand ran down to his chest, her fingers brushing against the bare skin exposed by the open two top buttons of his shirt. She moved to quickly undo the rest until it gaped open. Still kissing him greedily, Jackie swept pushed the shirt jerkily off Robbie's shoulders before running her hands over the warmth of his chest.

She felt his fingers curl around the hem of her top and she broke the kiss between them so he could put it over her head, his head dipping to kiss down her neck. Jackie shut her eyes, her head tilting back, a soft moan escaping her lips. "Robbie," she murmured. "We need to stop," she told him, even as she threaded her fingers through his hair, clutching him close.

He nipped at her collarbone before grumbling against her skin, "No, no we don't. There's no reason to stop."

Laughing breathlessly, Jackie replied, "You're happy to put on a show for my neighbours then?"

Robbie stopped at that, straightening so that he could pull her flush against him. "No, not sharing you with anyone," he informed her with a grin. "Not when I've had to wait ten years to see you like this."

"Looks like you're going to get the whistle stop tour of my bedroom then."

"It's not the room that's the main attraction."

She pressed a kiss the curve of his jaw. "I should hope not, if you start paying attention to the furnishing I am definitely doing something wrong."

"I couldn't care less if you have curtains on your ceiling, although," he added thoughtfully, "If there's mirrors on it I'll be more than happy."

"Sorry to disappoint but I don't have a mirrored ceiling."

He shrugged. "You'll just need to help me through that bitter, bitter disappointment. His fingers trailed up her spine, eliciting a shiver from her before running them over her shoulder and against the curve of her breast, watching enraptured as her breathing picked up place.

"I'm sure you have more than a few ideas how I can help."

"Definitely," he assured her as he backed them out of the kitchen, his head lowering to hers, his lips brushing hers again, his grin widening when she deepened the kiss, her fingers still in his hair as she pulled him closer.

They half stumbled, half fell into her bedroom and he couldn't help but push her against the wall, pressing himself against her. Her leg wound around his waist, holding him where he was as she arched against him. His mouth fell against her neck, and he was breathing harshly as he unhooked the clasp of her bra, pulling the material away from her as he groaned his appreciation, his mouth finding her, drawing her nipple into his mouth, his tongue pressing against her. She moaned and it just spurred him on, determined to hear her make more of those noises just because of him and what he was doing.

Jackie felt her eyes fluttering shut again, he was far too good at this and her self control was quickly slipping away from her and she needed to know he was sure about this, because a few more minutes and she wouldn't be able to stop him. "Robbie...are you sure about this?" she finally got out, her voice hoarse. "If you're not then we can stop, I won't take it personally."

His breath was cool against her breast, causing her to shiver as he replied, "I don't want to stop this." His fingers played with the catch of her trousers. "Do you?"

"No, just want you to be sure."

Robbie kissed up over her collarbone, up her neck and stopping just before he reached her mouth he told her firmly, "I'm sure."

The darkness of his eyes made her stomach swoop, and when his mouth found hers again the resulting kiss was somehow more intimate, more intense than anything that had previously passed between them. Her excitement growing, Jackie fumbled slightly as she undid his trousers, her lips still pressed against his as she pushed them over his hips, letting them fall to the floor and feeling hers quickly follow suit.

He pulled her away from the wall, backing her towards the bed, grinning against her mouth as her arms wound around his neck, pulling him onto the bed after her.

He stretched out over the top of her and she could feel the warmth of his skin against hers and all she wanted was to be even closer to him. Her hands ran over the smooth, slightly muscled expanse of his back as they kissed, bringing her knees up so that she could wrap her legs around his waist, feeling the warm, firm pressure of him against her stomach even through the cotton fabric of his boxers.

His breathing hitched as she tugged away his boxers and he lifted his hips just enough to enable her to push them off. His fingers hooked into the band of her underwear, pulling them off her. He groaned as he felt her reach down, wrapping her fingers around him, felt her smile against his mouth, breaking the kiss long enough to murmur, "I feel like I'm meeting a local celebrity."

Robbie couldn't help but laugh. "Hope I lived up to expectations."

"Oh very much so," she assured him.

She shifted under his touch as she felt his fingers trail up her inner thigh until they were shifting against her, sliding inside, the heat and wetness of her causing him to grit his teeth so that he didn't just thrust into her and take her hard and fast.

He moved his fingers in and out of her, his thumb pressing against her, watching as Jackie's skin flushed, her back arching as her breathing quickened and became harsh. He kept going until he knew she was on edge, could feel her thighs start to tense around him and pulled his hand away.

She moaned in disappointment, her brown eyes meeting his as she told him breathlessly, "Don't stop."

"I'm not stopping, just making it last longer," he replied cockily.

His hands teased her, keeping her on the brink and she returned the favour until he was as desperate as she was and sliding his hand underneath her thigh guided it around his waist, and as she felt the blunt head of him press against her, Jackie moaned, her hand curled around his neck. "Now," she urged him on. "No more waiting."

"No more waiting," he muttered, his grip on her hip and thigh tightening as he thrust into her.

It was so good, Jackie pressed her mouth against his shoulder, letting out a low moan, it was so good, being filled by him, feeling the muscles in his lower back tighten against her hands as he started to move. She met him thrust for thrust, feeling the excitement build as he slid against her, tilting her hips so he could move deeper.

His eyes were dark, sweat beading across his brow as he fought for control. Reaching up, Jackie raked her fingers through his hair, pulling him closer, kissing him deeply one last time as she felt her muscles tighten, her toes curling as she broke away from his mouth crying out, her release sweeping over her.

She felt the hand braced beside her bed tighten in the material of the pillow, felt Robbie's body tense as she continued moving against him until he yelled out, his body rigid, shuddering for a countless moments until he relaxed against her.

Jackie swept her fingers against his shoulder blade as Robbie tugged her close to him and she bit her lip, gasping as he pulled out of her. "God that was good," she murmured.

"I thought it deserved more than good," he remarked teasingly, his breathing still harsh.

"I didn't want to overinflate your ego, it's big enough as it is," she told him, smiling.

"It seems it has reason to be."

She rolled her eyes at him. "You're unbelievable."

"Thanks," he grinned. "You were pretty spectacular yourself."

"That wasn't what I meant, and you know it."

"Sounded like it." Robbie shifted slightly, his hands still sliding over her bare skin, it was like he was addicted, couldn't get enough of touching her. "At least we certainly covered the fun part of our agreement."

"Definitely."

He yawned. "Should probably move or I'll be falling asleep soon."

Jackie felt her stomach plummet slightly at that, trying to push down her feeling of disappointment she remarked casually, "You can stay if you want. If you're worried about work tomorrow you left a bunch of clothes here, I washed them so you'd have something to wear."

"You'd be ok with me staying?"

"Of course."

"Well sounds a hell of a lot better than trudging out into the cold and rain." He grinned at her as he pulled her on top of him. "Means we could repeat that experience again as well."

"Now that sounds good."


	3. Chapter 3

**Now or Never is now gone. I'd love to know what people think of this new story though :)**

* * *

Robbie knew that if he ever told anyone just what he'd signed up for with Jackie they would have written him off as insane, as having completely lost his hold on reality. After all suggesting to a co-worker that they have a baby together certainly sounded irrational, especially when they weren't and never had been in a relationship, and yet despite knowing how it looked he didn't regret putting himself forward.

He'd seen in her face how serious she was about carrying through with this idea, and even though that tiny sensible rational part of his brain was screaming at him to let her carry through with her original plans to use a donor, he just hadn't been able to stop himself. And even though he didn't admit it aloud, he cared deeply for Jackie, more deeply than he'd ever cared for any other woman he'd ever encountered and that sadly included his now ex wife. Although he stopped short of letting himself think he just might love her.

If Jackie had a baby then she might start to pull away from the group dynamic they had going at the moment; start to pull away from him. He'd never needed someone before the way he needed her. So it bothered him immeasurably that suddenly she'd withdraw from his life, without it sounding wet, she was the one true constant in his life and he didn't know what he'd do if she suddenly ceased to be in it. And that's what would happen, she'd go on leave for at least a year and then - he swallowed heavily - she might very well decide she didn't want to come back or she wanted to work in a department more compatible with the nine to five mentality. He didn't want that. He wanted her to stay with him.

It was just that he didn't want to lose her, and if she had a baby then she'd slip entirely from his life, she'd be immersed in a new life and he wouldn't get a look in while she played happy families, and he wanted her in his life.

So it stood to reason that if she had his baby then he always had a reason to be in her life, there was a permanent link between them. He didn't like to think about the lengths he was going to in an attempt to try and stay in her life, just like he didn't like to think about the fact that she'd made it clear that he wouldn't be playing an active role.

All he knew was that he had a chance, a chance to make Jackie happy and a chance to hold her close, to pretend for just a little while that he could have her. Put like that he did sound insane. But when he felt her touch him, when her fingers would caress his cheek and she'd smile up at him, he'd feel like she truly cared for him and he wasn't sure he even cared about the consequences that might later come back and bite him.

He shifted on the bed, his bare back pressing against the cool wall, pushing those thoughts to one side as the room door opened and Jackie walked in wearing nothing but his shirt, a glass of water in her hand. She smiled, taking a sip before commenting, "I thought you were still asleep, thought I'd worn you out."

He smirked, patting the bed next to him as he replied, "Take a lot more than that, although I'm more than happy for you to try again."

"Ah, a challenge," she remarked her smile widening as she placed the glass on his chest of drawers before sliding onto the bad, laughing as his fingers began to quickly to undo the buttons to the shirt. "How can I resist?"

"You can't," he murmured, his lips finding hers, his hand sliding across her bare hip, feeling her arms wind around his neck. No, when they shared moments like these, he couldn't care less about the consequences, in fact when they were together he sometimes thought that any future pain might be worth it, as long as he could have her for just a little while.

* * *

Jackie turned the thin white stick around in her hand so that she couldn't see the results window until she was ready to look. She shouldn't have bought a pregnancy test, not yet anyway, it was far too soon. She wasn't even late, still had another day until her period was due, but when she'd seen the advert that the tests could give you an accurate result before you even missed a period she hadn't been able to wait any longer, the one thought kept running through her mind was let it be positive, please God let it be positive.

She'd known when she started this endeavour that she finally knew what she wanted and that was to be a mum, she wanted to have a baby. Wanted all that she'd put off for so many years, and it didn't matter how many hoops she had to jump through to make it work, she'd do it. It had been why she'd been ready to throw herself into the world of IVF.

Biting down on her bottom lip, Jackie turned the test round in her hands and watched as the first blue line appeared, the hint of a smile tugging at her mouth as she waited for that second line to appear. It didn't.

She stared at that stick for at least another minute, her heart sinking as realisation sank in, she wasn't pregnant. That image she'd had in her head of a new family life wasn't going to happen, and it was more devastating a blow than she ever thought possible.

Her eyes suddenly watered dangerously as she binned the pregnancy test. She'd been stupid to think that she'd get pregnant so quickly, she and Robbie had only been sleeping together for two and a half weeks. Woman half her age didn't get pregnant that quickly, she'd been beyond foolish to think that she'd get this lucky this quickly.

She had hoped though. As much as she was enjoying the time she and Robbie spent together she could already feel the lines between them blur. Sometimes when they were having sex it felt more intimate than she'd ever thought it could between them, more intimate than it had with any other man she'd been with. They fitted together so well and she had to remind herself that this was a means to an end. And she hadn't even been able to manage to get that right.

Blinking rapidly in an attempt to clear her vision, Jackie forced herself to push away the disappointment and her doubts. It would work in the end and it would all be worth it, it had to be.

* * *

Robbie frowned as he watched Jackie slam the filing drawer shut for the second time in the last two minutes. It was so violent that Stuart had sent a concerned look in her direction, although he'd obviously been alarmed enough that he had decided making eye contact wasn't for the best.

She gave an irritated sigh, muttering under her breath as she turned towards the office door, obviously about to go on the prowl for something or someone. He hoped it was the former or he feared for the person she was looking for in that mood. Checking that no-one was watching him, Robbie headed after her, determined to find out what was wrong.

"Jackie," he called out after her, reaching out and catching her forearm when she ignored him, turning her to face him. "What's wrong?"

She shook her head as she replied, "Nothing, just the case getting to me, that's all."

He looked over her expression and saw that she was blinking more times than was strictly necessary and that her eyes were tearing up slightly. He felt his stomach lurch at that and he tugged her into a corner where the masses couldn't see them. "What is it?" he asked hoarsely. "Jackie, tell me what's wrong."

"It's stupid, I...I did a test and-"

"You're pregnant?" Robbie guessed. He hadn't wanted this to happen so quickly but then maybe he ought to be relieved. He'd had what he'd wanted, a chance to be with her and maybe it was better that it finished quickly before he got used to having her.

Jackie shook her head, managing a small, weak smile as she managed to force out, "No it turns out I'm not." She swallowed heavily and trying to keep her tone casual, continued, "I didn't even have any signs, and I did the test anyway, it was stupid. It obviously just wasn't meant to be, not this month anyway, "

Robbie sighed under his breath, relief flooding through him although seeing the look of disappointment in her eyes he felt like the biggest ass in the world for those thoughts. Uncaring of where they were and who could see, he reached out and pulled her into a hug, feeling her head rest against his shoulder as she hugged him back.

Turning his head slightly, he found his nose against her dark hair and he could smell the light scent of her shampoo. For that moment he just held her close, trying to give him the comfort that she always managed to provide him with. After a moment he heard her soft sigh, felt her start to pull away as she murmured, "We should get back to work, before the Boss sees us."

He nodded, his eyes meeting hers for a brief second as he replied, "Yeah, probably should, but I'm here if you need me."

"I know you are," she whispered, a smile on her face and for the first time that day her smile met her eyes.

* * *

"You know you didn't need to do this," Jackie told him, taking the bowl of popcorn off him as he sat down onto the sofa next to her.

Robbie gave a shrug. "I know."

She tilted her head to look at him. "I heard Stuart ask you to the pub, that might have been more fun than this."

His nose wrinkled. "What? Listening to Stuart mope about the lack of fun in his life before being dragged off to some club so he can try and recapture some of his lost youth."

Laughing, Jackie remarked, "Is that not what you were doing just a month ago?"

"Maybe," he admitted reluctantly. "But this is a nice change. Good company, a funny film and if I'm lucky a share of that popcorn."

"Of course I'm going to share it," she laughed. "In fact since it's such a big deal I'll even let you hold the bowl."

"Very generous, I'll take you up on that offer." He laughed at the small pout that crossed her features. "Even though you're obviously wishing you'd never mentioned it."

"I'm going to be the bigger person and let that comment slide." She felt his arm wrap around her shoulder, pulling her into his side. "Stuart might have been better company than me tonight."

"It's only been a few weeks, one negative test doesn't mean you won't get there," he assured her. "We knew it might take a few month and we'll keep trying until that stick turns blue."

"It goes blue anyway," Jackie told him. "One line's negative and two's positive."

"Learn something new every day," he remarked. "And you're always my favourite person to spend time with."

"Careful." She teased. "That almost sounded charming."

"I am charming!" He replied, trying and failing to look offended at the slur.

"You don't normally save that side of your personality for me though."

"Because you call me out on it, so it's a waste of time."

"It's a waste of time to be nice to me?" she questioned, trying not to laugh. "Wow you really don't even try to charm me, do you?"

"I'm honest with you, surely that counts for more."

"It would be nice if you managed to do both."

"I'll work on it. So feeling better?"

"I am," she admitted.

"See, told you this was a good idea. If you'd done the IVF on your own you wouldn't have me to cheer you up."

"Don't crow, it doesn't suit you."

"You love it."

"I tolerate it, there's a difference," she teased, settling into his arms and trying not to dwell on how much she enjoyed moments like these, when it was just the two of them.


	4. Chapter 4

**One Month Later**

"Did you take a test this month?" Robbie asked under his breath, forcing himself not to look up from his coffee as he waited for her response, concentrating instead on dragging the spoon around the cup as though the sugar he'd deposited in there hadn't instantly dissolved. He'd barely seen her this last week, work had been manic and apart from one session in the pub with the rest of the team – where she'd stuck to fizzy drinks – they'd had no time alone together.

"No." She shook her head, her normally confident voice holding the tiniest of tremors. "There wasn't a reason to."

He let the spoon fall onto the counter with a clatter. "I'm sorry, Jackie."

"Don't be, it's been six days, plenty of time to get over it, not that there's even anything to really get over." She glanced around the kitchen and gave a wry laugh. "Why is it we always end up having these conversations in here?

"It's the quietest part of the station," he remarked.

"As long as one day we don't find out there's been secret cameras in here all along," she quipped.

"That would be awkward," he agreed. His eyes narrowed as he watched her hands shake slightly as she reached for her mug, she appeared to be taking each failed attempt as a personal failure on her own part and it concerned him slightly. Although the month before she had bounced back from the disappointment relatively quickly, he knew instinctively that as each month passed it would get harder for her. "You sure you're ok?"

"I'm fine. I think...I think I just assumed this would be easier," she admitted. "I know it's not been long but I can't help thinking what if I've left it too late? What if I really am a genetic dead end?"

He stepped closer to her, his hand resting on her forearm, the most obvious form of comfort he could offer in such a public place. His voice low, soothing he told her, "Like you said it's only been two months, ignore what that maniac told you and look on the bright side."

"The bright side?" she echoed, the ghost of a smile playing around her lips when she saw the beginnings of a grin on his.

"Yeah, in the meantime you get to have great sex, best you've ever had."

"Best I've ever had?" she repeated questionably, her eyebrow arched as she teased him.

"I'm only quoting what you said last week."

"I knew that was going to go to your head."

"Don't remember you complaining about that either," he quipped.

She slapped his arm, laughing in outrage. "Robbie!"

"I believe I've made you blush DS Reid."

"I would have thought you'd have been use to it by now."

"Think that's something I'll never get enough of, I especially like it when it spreads across here." He dipped his finger into the gap of her skin revealed by her open top button, stroking across her skin for a brief second.

"If someone comes in here..." She warned him lowly.

His grin widened as he pulled his hand away. "Save it for later then?"

"I think that might be wise."

"Tonight then."

"Get back on the horse, so to speak?"

"Exactly." His expression sobered and he squeezed her hand, his fingers entwining with hers. "We'll get there."

Jackie stared down at their clasped hands, he'd always had this ability to soothe her and that ability only seemed to be growing as time went on. When he told her everything would be ok, she believed him. He was everything she wanted and everything she didn't need rolled into one, her closest friend and she was beginning to suspect the one man who could truly break her heart. And yet she still didn't want to call a halt to this agreement, even though she couldn't pinpoint the reasons behind the urge to keep ploughing forward with this idea.

* * *

The water lapped around the sides of the bath as Jackie shifted slightly, closing her eyes as she tried to will some of the tension to ease out of muscles. She shouldn't let herself get so tense, so stressed, it wouldn't help her get pregnant, she needed to relax.

Her bathroom door creaked open and she opened one eye, commenting, "I thought you were watching the game?"

"It's finished," he replied, leaning against the doorframe, his eyes skimming over her, wishing that the bubbles didn't obscure his view of her, his fingers itching to wipe them away.

"So you thought you'd come and bother me?" she enquired casually, opening both eyes to stare at him. "Do you remember me telling you that I wanted to relax?"

"I remembered, wondered if you wanted some help?"

"Help? How exactly did you plan to help?"

He shrugged. "I could rub your shoulders, or wherever else you feel tense," he added, wiggling his eyebrows.

Jackie laughed. "You're so perverse at times. Anyway what's to say that I'm not already relaxed?"

"The really irritated sigh you let out about a second before you noticed I was here was my first clue," he teased. Kicking himself off the door, he made his way across to her, ignoring the dampness of the floor permeating the knees of his trousers when he dropped down beside her, reaching out to rub her shoulders. "So, what do you say?"

"Your clothes are going to get wet."

"I can live with that."

"I'm sure you can," she remarked. "But that wasn't quite what I meant." She shifted forward in the bath, leaning forward and tilting her head back over her shoulder so that she could look at him. "I meant that it would be easier on your clothes; and more pleasant for you if you took them off and joined me."

Robbie's smile widened as he felt her wet hand reach out and deftly undo his tie. "Now how could I possibly refuse an invitation like that?"

"I'm hoping that you can't."

He shed his clothes quickly, letting them fall onto a pile on the floor and kicking them out of the way. He loved the way her eyes would rake over him, as though she'd never get tired of looking at him, and the way she would pull her bottom lip into her mouth for the briefest of seconds.

Stepping into the bath behind her, he slowly eased himself into the warm water, settling back and drawing Jackie back against him so that her back was pressed against his chest, his legs either side of hers. "Comfy?" he asked.

"Very," she replied, relaxing slackly against him..

"Glad to hear I make an adequate pillow."

"You're doing yourself a disservice, you're a fabulous pillow," she laughed.

He slid his hands over her shoulders, rubbing his thumbs into the knots he found there until they eased and she gave a soft sigh of relief. Kissing her temple he asked, "Feeling better?"

"Uh huh." Her fingers played over his knee cap. "At this rate I might decide to keep you," she joked.

Robbie gave a low laugh, although he felt as though his heart had leapt up at that thought, as time passed he wanted nothing more than to stay like this with her. They had fallen into an almost domesticated routine and despite past misgivings he loved every moment of it. "You make me sound like a pet," he remarked instead.

"Oh no, you're much too disobedient, and I'm not sure you can even be house trained," she teased. "In fact I'm willing to bet that right now your beer bottle is on my glass coffee table without a coaster, your shoes are at opposite ends of the hall and today's paper is scattered across the sofa."

"Now if you'd put money on that you could have been a very wealthy woman right about now," he replied easily, knowing that the clutter he left behind himself didn't really bother her.

"Oh well, at least I have the satisfaction of knowing I was right."

"You do love that." His hands slid underneath the bubbles, gliding through the water and up over her stomach before brushing over her breast, his hands cupping, rubbing them as his thumbs caressed her nipples. Her body bowed under his touch, her back arching as she soaked up his attention, a gasp escaping her lips.

He leaned over her, his mouth capturing hers as his hands continued their torment. Her fingers wound into his hair as she pulled him closer, deepening the kiss even as she moaned into his mouth. She ground her hips back against his and he broke the kiss to let out a near growl. One hand moved downwards, his finger gliding through her wetness before slipping inside her.

His mouth found hers again as he stroked her, adding another finger, flexing them causing her hips to push against his hand as she sought more friction. He pressed his thumb against her and her body jerked as she gasped, her foot catching the chain of the plug, pulling it free, the water starting to drain with a loud gurgle.

"Our cue to move I think," Robbie murmured as he moved his hand to her inner thigh despite her moan of disapproval, stroking the delicate skin as his mouth moved to trail kisses up her neck before nipping at her earlobe.

Her hand wrapped around his and she impatiently tugged him to his feet and out of the bath. "Bedroom then," she replied.

He shook his head, pressing her forward against the bathroom countertop. "No, can't wait." She saw him grin in the mirror as he added, "And this way I can watch everything you feel flicker across your face."

Bracing her hands against the counter, Jackie ground her hips back against him as his hands ran down her sides. She could see the contrast between her pale skin and his darker, rougher colouring. His hand trailed up her thigh again and she moaned, "I thought you said you couldn't wait."

"I can't," he murmured in her ear. "But I love to see you on the edge of losing it. He dipped his head, nipping at the skin of her neck, his voice low and uneven as he added, "You're always so composed, so controlled until I have you like this." His thumb circled her clit before pressing against her, her hips jerking against him.

The hand on her hip tightened its grasp and they both moaned as he thrust, sliding into her. She pushed back against him as his thumb continued to move against her. He kissed her shoulder, pressing his open mouth over her spine as he told her, "Keep your eyes open."

Robbie watched her bit down on her lower lip as she forced her eyes to open again, watching them. His own eyes were dark, his jaw tense and he could see in his feelings for her written plainly across his own face. He averted his gaze; he was just being foolish with those types of thoughts. His thrusts picking up pace, he watched in avid fascination as her fingers curled into her palms, her skin flushing as she cried out in release, her hips moving frantically against his.

As his name fell from her lips in a fulfilled gasp he couldn't hold on any more and he thrust deep, jerking against her as he came, his body going slack in the aftermath, his arm sliding around her middle, his lips pressing against her shoulder.

Jackie rubbed her hand over his arm as she let out a contented sigh. "I'm so relaxed I don't know if I'm going to be able to stand," she quipped.

He laughed against her damp skin. "We both might have that problem." He slowly straightened, pulling out of her, his arms still supporting her. "So I think we need to get to the bed before I fall down."

"Come on then, old man," she teased, pulling him towards her bedroom and dragging him onto the bed.

"Less of the old," he replied, pulling her into him, her leg thrown across his waist. "Not like you've had any complaints so far." He grinned down at her cockily.

She rolled her eyes as she tried and failed to stifle a yawn. "Fine you've knackered me," she admitted, her fingers running through his chest hair.

"Oh I knew that already," he laughed. "Like I've told you before, I aim to please."

* * *

Singing along to the radio, as she buttered the toast, Jackie swung her hips as she whipped round and handed a plate to an amused looking Robbie. "Breakfast is half served," she told him. "Eggs will be ready in a few minutes."

"Will they be stuck to the pan again like they were last time?"

Her eyes narrowed and she asked mockingly, "Are you saying you don't like my eggs?"

Wrapping his arm around her waist he kissed her cheek and winked at her. "I love your eggs, babe."

"Oh God, you need to stop with the babe, I'm not sixteen."

"You don't like it as a term of endearment?" He teased.

"Nope, not even slightly."

"Guess I'll just need to work on something else."

"Or you could save yourself time and call me by my name," she suggested wryly as she tried to dislodge the bottom layer off the scrambled eggs out of the pan.

He tried and failed not to smile at her efforts as he replied, "That shows a definite lack of imagination. You wanting coffee?"

"Mmm hmm, in fact the percolator's on so we can have the real stuff this morning."

"Aren't we splashing out," he remarked, pouring them both cups and making hers exactly the way she knew he liked it.

"Breakfast is the most important meal of the day."

"Very true." Robbie unfolded the paper and sitting down tutted as he read. "Bloody ref should never have allowed it."

Laughing, Jackie placed the plate in front of him, sitting down next to him she remarked, "You need to let that go."

"He clearly fouled him."

"I know, I remember, we watched the game together."

"I had money on that."

Her mouth twitched. "So you lost a tenner, however will you cope?"

"Suppose I'll just have to find a way to go own. You wanting the home section?"

"Yes please."

On hearing him mutter another expletive at the review of the match, Jackie glanced up from her paper and smiled at the sight of him engrossed in the paper, his coffee in one hand, a slice of his toast precariously dangling from his plate, crumbs already decorating her kitchen table and a few gathering at the corner of his mouth. Reaching out she brushed them away with her thumb and he looked over at her, slightly startled. "You had crumbs," she explained.

"Ah, you could always have kissed them away."

"If I was in a romantic comedy I might have done," she laughed. "Although in case you feel like you've missed out." She leaned forward and kissed the corner of his mouth, letting out a shriek of surprise when he pulled her forward, wrapping his arms around her, deepening the kiss for a moment before letting her go.

"There's always room for some romance."

"I suppose," she replied, still smiling. It was times like these that she had to remind herself that this wasn't real, even when it felt like it was.

* * *

"Right," Burke announced loudly, rubbing his hands together. "I'll get them in, what's everyone having?"

Stuart gaped at his Boss. "You're getting the first round? Did I miss the pigs flying earlier?"

Glaring at the younger man, Burke snapped back, "Just for that you're getting to help me carry the drinks back. Are you two just having the usual? Pint and a gin and tonic?"

They both nodded, and Robbie waited until they were out of earshot to murmur, "Thought you weren't drinking."

"I figured one would be ok, and it would look more suspicious if I didn't drink at all like I did last time."

"That's true," he admitted. "Think Stuart would find that even stranger than the Boss buying the first round."

"Well that doesn't make me sound like a raging alcoholic."

"When you start adding it to your coffee I'll start getting concerned."

Laughing, Jackie ran her hand over his thigh. "Do you want to grab some food once we get out of here?"

"Something incredibly unhealthy?"

"Of course, I don't think there's a health shop open when the pubs close," Jackie quipped, leaning back in her seat, her hand still rubbing his thigh.

"Jackie, you need to stop," he told her suddenly. "Or I'm not going to be able to stand up."

Her cheeks blushed as she belatedly realised the effect she was having on a certain part of his anatomy. "Sorry," she murmured. "Although you can always think of it as a preview for later."

"We could always sneak off now," he suggested.

"Or we could stay and let the anticipation...build," Jackie replied, her hand travelling back to his thigh, her fingers brushing perilously close to his groin.

"You're playing a dangerous game DS Reid."

"Perhaps, but the real question is whether or not you want to take part?"

Leaning into her, he brushed his knuckles against the curve of her breast. "You know me, always up for a challenge."


	5. Chapter 5

"I'm not pregnant," Jackie announced bluntly as she sat down on the sofa, chewing at the side of her thumbnail as she stared ahead at the TV, refusing to make eye contact with Robbie.

"I didn't realise you were going to take a test," he replied, watching her face carefully.

"I didn't," she told him, her voice breaking slightly as her bottom lip wavered.

"Oh, Jackie." He pulled her into his arms, lying back across the sofa and pulling her with him. "You're letting this get to you too much."

"I feel like I'm failing."

"Look, I know you're used to getting everything right first time," he teased, his fingers brushing up and down her arm. Kissing her forehead he tried to assure her, "But like I said it just takes time."

"What if it never happens?"

"It will, but tell you what if you're really starting to get worried then we can always take things a step further," he replied. "Get everything...checked," he suggested, shifting somewhat uncomfortably.

"I can already tell you hate that idea," she replied, unable to help but smile at his expression.

"Ok so I'm not thrilled at the idea of wanking into a cup-"

"Such a way with words."

He gave her a half hearted glare. "As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted," he continued, trying and failing to sound offended. "If this is really getting to you then I can put up with it."

"I don't think I want to go there if we don't have to," she admitted. "The whole point of us doing things this way was so it would be natural. I know that every month I'm not pregnant I get wound up but I don't think I'm ready to see if there's an actual problem, not yet anyway."

"Ok, so we keep going for just now but you know that the option's there if you want it, and there must be other stuff we can do that might help in the meantime?"

"I thought you didn't want this to get too heavy?" She asked, her fingers stroking the skin of his chest showed by the v of his t-shirt.

"We just need to make sure we don't let the things we try ruin the fun we've been having. So come on I know you'll have been reading up on things, so spit it out."

"To be fair we're doing the most recommended parts of it, we're at it like rabbits whenever we get the chance. I could use a test to see when the best time would be but that kind of gets rid of the spontaneity, makes it seem like a chore-"

"Sex is never a chore."

"I should have known you'd say that," she laughed. "But I just feel if we start all of that then we'll get bogged down in it."

"It's a risk" he admitted. "But this is obviously bothering you."

"That's the thing, it doesn't. Well this bit does; the bit where I know for sure it hasn't worked and for the next couple of days I feel like it might never happen for me, but the rest of the time I don't think about it. When we have sex I'm not thinking about getting pregnant I'm thinking about...well I'm not going to give you yet another ego boost by telling you," she teased.

"I think you should," he replied, smirking. "I think I'd really like to hear about what you're thinking about." His hand slid underneath her top, brushing across her ribs, stroking her smooth skin until she squirmed under his touch.

"Maybe later, I think I'll wait until we're not trying to have a serious conversation," she told him, laughing, her hand wrapping behind his neck as she held him close. "My point is that everything I read said the best way is to stay relaxed and to keep at it, literally. So for just now I don't think we should change that."

"Basically what you're saying is that we've had a serious conversation and decided just to keep things the same." He shook his head looking amused. "It's times like these I realise I don't get women."

"You don't make the worst job of it, and if it makes you feel better you were right about one thing."

"I think I've been right more than once," he countered. "But I'm interested to hear which time you're talking about."

"About doing this, having a baby I mean, with someone I know. If I'd done this on my own I think I would have been a wreck by now."

"Can't imagine you as a wreck." Robbie admitted.

"If I was you do know you'd have to take on the stable, responsible part of this duo."

He pulled a face, "I don't see that working for anyone."

"No, neither do I," she laughed. "So maybe it's just as well we did it this way."

"Yeah, keep the sanity of our team intact...Well until the pregnancy hormones kick in anyway."

* * *

"It's too hot," Jackie remarked, shifting so that her legs were free of covers that were suddenly far too heavy. "It shouldn't be this hot in September."

"And it's only ten o'clock," Robbie remarked. "So it'll get worse."

Groaning, Jackie twisted, pressing her forehead against his arm. "In that case I might need to take cold showers every hour on the hour."

"Even though I like you hot and bothered?" he teased.

"If I get much more hot and bothered you won't like me, I'll get all snappy."

"And how will that be any different to how you are normally – ow!" He rubbed at the spot on his arm that she'd just pinched. "I'm beginning to see your point," he mumbled. "But I'll forgive that senseless act of violence if you kiss it better."

Laughing, Jackie pressed her lips against his arm, trailing a line of kisses up over his shoulder, stopping only millimetres from his mouth, asking him, "Did that help?"

He slid his hands up over her smooth, bare back, pulling her flush against him so that she was pressed into his chest. "Getting there," he told her with a grin.

"We should get up," Jackie replied, folding her hands across his chest and resting her chin on them. "I don't want to waste a day like this in bed."

"A day in bed's not a day wasted," he snorted. "Well," he amended himself. "Not when you're with me."

"God you're so full of it."

"Don't hear you correcting me though." His fingers moved lightly, teasingly over her shoulders before running them through her hair and twisting a strand round his fingers.

"I suppose that there are worse ways to spend the day," she replied, pressing a kiss to his chest, her head tilting into his touch. "But I still think we should get up.

"Slave driver," he teased half heartedly. "Ok then, so what do you want to do today? We could go for a pub lunch."

Her nose wrinkled as she pointed out, "The pubs will be packed. We could go to the park, take a picnic," she suggested suddenly.

"Because the parks won't be as busy as the pubs," he laughed.

"We could find a quiet, shady spot."

"Lay out a blanket and get adventurous?" Robbie suggested hopefully.

"I wouldn't pin all of your hopes on the day ending like that, not when we're outside anyway."

"I suppose I can wait until we get back."

"I'll rest easy then," Jackie replied, rolling her eyes. Kissing him gently, she smiled as his fingers brushed her chin, gently tilting her face so he could deepen the kiss. He made her feel like a teenager again, made her stomach swoop and her knees weaken all with just one kiss and she loved every second of it.

* * *

Propping his head up in his hand, Robbie shifted onto his side, watching as Jackie stretched her legs out and wiggled her toes. "Can't remember the last time my legs saw the sun," she remarked.

"Yeah they are pale," he replied, a grin pulling at his features

Jackie shrugged, smiling. "You've never complained about them before."

Reaching out, he brushed his hand across one of her legs. "There's nothing to complain about really, you've got good legs for a bird of your age."

She lightly smacked his hand. "Watch yourself," she warned.

"That was a compliment," he laughed.

"Bit of a backhanded one," she countered. "And I'd like to remind you that you're five years older than I am."

"Yeah but men don't get old, we get just get more dignified."

Jackie laughed. "I think you'll find you mean distinguished, because you wouldn't know dignified if it smacked you in the face."

"I'm dignified!"

"Falling out of clubs wrapped around a woman who is young enough to be your daughter is not dignified, it's tacky and more than a little cliché."

He snorted, his hand still stroking up and down her leg, the tone of their conversation still light hearted. "It's not the worst lifestyle," he replied, although the words felt false to his own ears. He would much rather have this, what he had with her, the closeness, the intimacy, it was so much more than sex, he wanted his life to stay this way, even when he knew that was impossible.

"I'll take your word for it," she replied, her eyes not meeting his. It was just a reminder that they had very different wishes and hopes for their futures.

His hand strayed up her leg, past her waist and to her arm, tugging her gently down to his side. "Come 'ere," he requested. Leaning over her, he brushed the back of his fingers against her cheekbone. "Glad you suggested this," he told her.

"Better than just staying in bed?" she teased, her hand reaching up to entwine with his.

"Different, but in a good way," he conceded.

Jackie shifted, her head pressing against his shoulder, enjoying the peacefulness of the moment only to have it spoiled by the sound of quiet rumbling. She tried and failed not to laugh, burying her head into his arm to stifle her giggles, her shoulders shaking. After a moment she lifted her head and asked innocently, "Hungry?"

"Yeah, I did get promised food after all," he replied meaningfully.

"So demanding," she tutted. Shifting herself up slightly so that she was leaning over him she added, "You do know that the shopping bags are right behind you, in fact you can even reach them from where you're lying."

Still lying on the rug, Robbie tilted his head backwards and replied, "Seems like a lot of effort."

"God you're unreal sometimes," she told him, although she was still smiling. "Fine, I suppose just this once I'll play housewife."

"You bring a sexy see through pinny with you? Or a French maid's costume."

"Yes, I packed a sexy costume for a Saturday afternoon in the park."

"We're in a quiet spot," He countered.

"A dog ran past here less than five minutes ago chasing a ball, it's not that quiet." She grabbed the bags, "Do you want chicken or sandwiches?"

"Chicken." His eyes narrowed in disbelief as he asked, "Did you buy paper plates?"

"Yes, and napkins, how else are you planning to eat it?"

"Out of the packet." He took the chicken from her and tore open the cellophane wrapper, holding it towards her, stating, "Look it's practically a bowl. Go on, live dangerously."

Taking a piece and dropping it into a napkin, Jackie replied, "You're a bad influence."

It's hardly life on the edge."

"Maybe not, but everyone has to start the slow slide somewhere."

"And this is where you're starting yours?"

"Maybe," she replied with a grin.

"As much as I'd like to see your bad side, I'm happy with you staying exactly as you are now," he told her.

Leaning closer into him, Jackie smiled as she answered, "You do know that you may just have been unintentionally sweet and charming, don't you?"

"It does occasionally happen."

"Think this might be the first time I've been on the receiving end of the compliment." She brushed back a strand of hair from his forehead and added, "But don't go overboard."

"Never do."

He gave a yawn, pushing the half empty box top one side. "Might just close my eyes for a few minutes," he told her. "If you don't mind?"

"That's fine, brought a book with me. Although," she turned and rummaged in her handbag before pulling out a container of sunscreen. "Before you go to sleep you better put some of this on, can't have you burning."

"You telling me if I ruin this gorgeous face you won't want me anymore?" he asked, teasingly as he felt her gently smooth the cream onto his cheeks.

"Exactly. Now rub it in," she instructed him, "unless of course you want to look like Adam Ant."

"Depends, does it suit me?"

"No," Jackie told him bluntly as she opened up her book, a smile pulling at the corners of her lips.

"Least I can trust you to always be honest with me." He pulled her down to him again, wrapping his arms around her waist before closing his eyes, a wave of contentment washing over him.

* * *

"Why did we get stuck staying overnight?" Robbie grumbled, slamming the files down onto his desk.

"Because we need to go through everything with a fine tooth comb, find a link," Jackie replied.

"That sounds like a Stuart kind of job."

"You can't expect him to always do the crap jobs."

"He's a DC, it's practically in the job description."

Rolling her eyes, Jackie sifted through the paperwork on her desk and let out an irritated sigh. "Think some of the files are still in the boss's office. I'll go get them."

Robbie watched her go, this was not what he had planned for the night. He did not want to spend the night in the empty office...His train of thought stopped as he realised that he might be at work but the office was empty apart from himself and Jackie, and uniform was unlikely to venture up here. Eyes drifting he saw that the Boss had shut his blinds for the night, meaning that if they shut the door no-one would know they were in there.

Smirking he stalked into the office, shutting the door behind him. Jackie didn't so much as glance up from the desk as she told him, "You didn't need to help, I'll find them."

"Not why I'm here," he replied as he placed his hands on her hips and slowly but surely turned her round to face him. He brushed his lips over hers, ghosting over them. She shivered at the touch, her hand slipping into his hair, and looked up at him, her cheeks flushed, pupils dilated.

His gut clenched, and he leaned forward, kissing her lightly again. She kissed him back with more force, her mouth opening under his returning pressure, a small moan breaking loose from the back of her throat as he explored her mouth, his lips teasing the edge of hers.

He moved his head downwards, pushing the cowl neck jumper over her shoulder as he ran his mouth from her jaw to her collarbone, placing feather light kisses along the way.

"We shouldn't," Jackie groaned.

Robbie raised his head, meeting her slightly bewildered gaze, as he replied, "No we shouldn't but think of how fun it will be." He bit back a moan as her breasts pressed against his chest, his hands brushing at the band of bare soft skin, between her jumper and trousers. He was having trouble trying to hold himself back, swallowing heavily, he forced out, "But if you want to you can just tell me to stop."

She shook her head, deciding to throw caution to the wind for once. "Don't stop," she told him firmly.

His hands at her waist tightened, and he lifted her onto the desk, pushing her thighs apart her stepped between them, his teeth grazing across her jugular, his groin tightening at the low moan she emitted. Her legs locking themselves around his waist, she leaned forward, her tongue teasing the line of Robbie's jaw as her busy hands slipped open every button on his shirt, pushing it to the floor, his shirt and her jumper soon following suit.

Robbie trailed his mouth over the soft swell of her breasts, his mouth closing over one of her nipples, still encased in her lacy bra. Jackie shuddered, feeling goose bumps break out over her skin, her breath catching in her throat as Robbie's hands continued to trace teasing circles on her stomach and hips.

Trying to retain some form of control, Jackie angled her hips and ground against him, smirking when it caused his breath to hitch and his movements to falter. Placing her hands firmly on his shoulders, she pulled herself off the desk slightly and moved against him again, raising their desperation up a notch.

Taking in a deep, shuddering breath in an attempt to calm himself down, Robbie pulled at the clasp of her bra, determined not to be hampered by those awkward clasps, and just tore it apart. He swallowed Jackie's shocked gasp with his mouth, as he bunched up the offending item and threw it across the room, not caring where it landed.

Continuing to grind her hips into his at random intervals, Jackie's fingers flew to his belt, nimbly tugging it undone as Robbie kicked off his shoes and socks, uncaring at his lack of finesse, before his mouth latched onto a nipple again, teasing it with his tongue until Jackie whimpered his name, just about the same time his trousers and boxers hit the floor with a small thud.

Lacing her fingers into his hair, Jackie tugged Robbie upwards, her mouth sucking gently on his Adams apple as he pushed her trousers to the ground, leaving her black lacy panties as the only barrier between them.

Jackie threw her head back, and tried not to scream as Robbie trailed his fingers along the damp material, before slipping them to the ground and sliding his fingers through her slick heat, his thumb teasing at her clit mercilessly. He smiled in satisfaction as her fingers dug into his shoulders and her back arched as she gasped, "Robbie, oh God." Her muscle clamping down around his fingers, her head finally falling forward onto her chest as she attempted to catch her breath.

Robbie burrowed his face into her tangled, damp curls and groaned as Jackie's warm knowing hand ran up his length, her thumb grazing the tip, causing him to buck his hips. Tilting her face, he caught her mouth again, moving over her he realised that the height of the desk meant that this wasn't going to be a very productive angle for either of them. Grabbing her around the waist, he backed himself into her desk chair, pulling her onto his lap, her legs slipping through the arms of the chair.

Jackie gave him a knowing smirk as she raised herself up on his shoulders, his hands steadying her hips as he thrust up and she surged down, filling her with his length, the abruptness causing her to let out a high pitched gasp.

They moved quickly, sweat beading on their bodies, his hands tangled through her hair, open mouths trading long hot kisses. The back of the chair rocking in time to their rhythm, creaking like it wasn't going to last, the leather clinging to Robbie's back. He trailed one hand down her side, fastening it around her hip, he made her slow her movements, determined to draw this out as long as he could.

Jackie felt the coil in her stomach twist, she could barely catch her breath, her thigh muscles were screaming under the strain. She opened her eyes, her fingers lacing through Jethro's as she met his gaze. As they locked onto each other's eyes, Jackie felt the coil in her stomach snap and she cried out, pressing her mouth against his shoulder to stifle her cries as her movements became more frantic as the rush of pleasure flooded through her.

Robbie's fingers tightened, biting into pale skin, not caring that he was going to leave bruises as the series of rapid contractions tugged him over the edge. He called out her name as he felt his head fall back onto the chair, his eyes rolling backwards as he gave himself over to the mindless oblivion of his release.

Her head still resting against his shoulder, Robbie told her, "Don't think I'm going to be able to look at this chair in the same way ever again."

"I don't think I'll be able to look Burke in the eye ever again. We might need to disinfect the chair."

"Ah but every time I see you blush in here I'll know exactly what you're thinking about."

"Pervert," she teased. "We should probably move."

"Just a few more minutes," he replied, savouring her weight leaning against his.


	6. Chapter 6

**Would love to know what you think of this story**

* * *

When the end of September proved to have yet again been unsuccessful on the baby making front, Jackie was surprised to find that she wasn't as devastated as she had been in previous months. Yes she was disappointed yes, but she didn't feel that overwhelming sense of failure that had accompanied every other month.

She didn't want to really admit it – even to herself – but she had to accept that maybe it had something to do with the fact she was enjoying her time with Robbie so much. What they had agreed was to be a no strings, friends with benefits arrangement had somehow turned into the easiest relationship she'd ever had. Despite all their differences, when they were together everything between them just worked and slotted seamlessly together.

She still wanted a baby, but the need to have it happen now, to happen right away was slowly ebbing away from her. What was between her and Robbie – whatever it really was – was never going to last forever, sooner or later it would fail, possibly disastrously so, but she wanted to enjoy it for just a while longer.

If this pregnancy didn't happen for a few more months she wouldn't be too disappointed. She shouldn't let not being able to conceive drag out for too long – she was no spring chicken after all – but a little while longer enjoying this time with Robbie, where she felt like she was so incredibly important to him would be ideal. He was so good at making her feel like she was his one and only, it was no wonder he got laid so often.

She knew that eventually he'd get bored with her and want to move on, but it was strange, when she'd passed on the news that yet again she wasn't pregnant for a brief moment she'd thought she'd seen a flash of relief in his face. Part of her had wanted to push the issue and find out what he'd been thinking, but the other part of her had warned her to leave it alone, the very last thing she wanted was for him to withdraw his offer – as selfish as that might be of her.

But it was getting more complicated than she'd ever thought it could be between them. She could easily fall in love with him, if she wasn't half in love with him already. She should call it to a halt now, she shouldn't complicate things any further by letting it continue, never mind have a baby with him, but she just couldn't stop herself. She wanted this to last for as long as possible and perhaps part of her wanted that permanent link with him. It was going to end in tears, she just knew it and yet that wouldn't stop her.

* * *

"Are you going to tell me where we're going?" Jackie asked, tilting her head to one side to look at Robbie. "Because I'm beginning to get slightly concerned you're just abducting me."

He grinned, his attention still on the road in front of them as he replied, "I suppose if you wanted to get technical I am abducting you."

"Very true, you didn't even let me in my front door when I got home, just rushed me into the car."

"If you'd went inside you would have started faffing around. I saved us hours by doing it this way."

"Doesn't mean you can't tell me where we're going."

"That does compromise the surprise aspect of this though."

She pouted. "I hate surprises."

"You love them."

"What's even brought this on?"

Robbie shrugged. "I just think it'll be a nice change."

Jackie groaned in exasperation. "What will?"

"You can ask all you want I'm still not going to tell you. We are almost there now anyway."

Staring out of the window and taking in the deserted countryside that was unbelievably only an half an hour outside the city, Jackie replied, "Ok, so now I am slightly concerned that you are planning to murder me and leave me in a ditch."

"Sounds like a lot of effort," he remarked as he swerved the car neatly down a small side road. "You really want to know what my plans are?"

"Yes!"

"Well I suppose since we're almost there I can tell you. I thought we could have a weekend away."

Her face broke into a beaming smile. "You've taken me away for a dirty weekend," she stated.

"That's the main idea, yes. But I also figured you needed to relax so the place has a spa, so tomorrow I thought you could go and pamper yourself."

"Did you also think that my pampering could coincide with the big match that's on tomorrow?"

"Well wouldn't want you to feel neglected."

Laughing she replied, "I love how you're taking me way for a supposedly romantic weekend and you've already plotted how to get rid of me a couple of hours. It's a good thing I don't rely on your company to keep me going, but as I could do with some time relaxing you can do what you like tomorrow afternoon."

"I like that about you," he admitted. "Had it up to here with clingy women, like the fact we can just go off and do our own thing and then meet up later." He didn't add that it was the best relationship he'd ever had, he might want it to be classed as such but he knew it couldn't be.

"As long as that's not all you like about me."

"Nope, got a list about a mile long for that one."

"Intriguing." Her smile flickered slightly as she asked, "You have packed me a bag? You're not just expecting me to walk around naked, are you?"

"As much as I'd enjoy that, I like the fact it's only me who gets to see you that way, so you'll be relieved to hear that you do have something to wear, along with some of your skimpiest underwear so that I have something to appreciate."

"You never appreciate it for long," she pointed out, although she secretly loved the enthusiasm he had for her body, loved the way he'd all but tear her clothing off her.

"Long enough." His grin widened when he heard her sigh of delight as they pulled into the hotel's long, swooping driveway. "Like it?" he asked as he saw her stare up at the frontage of the large Georgian styled hotel.

"I love it, Robbie you shouldn't have."

"Like I said, figured we could both use some time away. And I know that you'll find a way to thank me for such generosity." He waggled his eyebrows suggestively at her.

"Should have known it was all about sex," she joked.

"Well that is the whole point of a dirty weekend."

* * *

"Looks like we have some complimentary champagne," Jackie remarked as she felt Robbie's arm slide around her middle, his mouth kissing the side of her neck.

Robbie smiled at her soft sigh of contentment. "I think we should save that until later. I have different plans for our immediate future."

"Do they involve the bed by any chance?" she asked, smiling as she turned in his arms her fingertips brushing the back of his neck.

"It's a big bed and I feel it deserves our full attention."

"That's your worst line yet."

"Then it's a good thing you never fall for them, isn't it?" he remarked as his fingers unbuttoned her blouse, pushing it over her shoulders as he kissed down her neck. "Means I can say whatever crosses my mind."

Laughing as she threaded her fingers through his hair, Jackie replied, "I would still at least try to think before you speak." She pulled his mouth up to hers again as they backed towards the bed, shedding their clothes along the way.

She pulled him onto the bed after her and he rolled her so that he could kiss his way down her spine, turning her again when he reached the small of her back, his teeth nipping at the side of her hip, making her gasp.

He moved his lips to her breasts, felt her shiver and heard her moan as he kissed and sucked on her nipple, caressing the other breast with his hand, alternating between firm strokes and light touches. She gasped his name, her body arching closer into his as she ran his hands through his hair and down his back.

He kissed his way down her body, his hand hooking underneath her thigh, pulling it up and over his shoulder as he went down on her. Jackie moaned, her fingers curling into the bed sheets as her hips began to rock, he was so incredibly good at this, could drive her to the brink in moments, his tongue alternating between sweeping strongly against her and stroking delicately until her soft moans turned into louder cries. His fingers joined his mouth, sliding inside her, she shut her eyes as her breath began to fall in pants until finally sensation broke over her and she arched upwards her toes curling as she let out a keening moan before sagging back onto the mattress, slightly dazed. Robbie kissed his way up her stomach, lingering at her breasts for a few moments before trailing up her neck and meeting her mouth. "You're far too good at that," she muttered against his lips.

"Are you complaining?" he asked, smiling as he felt her legs wrap around his waist.

"No, just stating a fact." She tilted her hips as she pressed her hands against his ass, pulling him inside of her, smiling at his groan of pleasure before kissing him deeply.

Robbie stilled, the feel of her tight and wet around him almost being his undoing. She moved against him and he felt the tenuous grip he had on his control snap. He slid out of her, ignoring her moan of protest and pulled her to the bottom of the bed. Standing up, he wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling her hips off the bed and thrust. She gasped at the angle, her legs tightening around him and if he hadn't been so caught up in the feeling of it all he would have been smirking at her reaction. He thrust hard and fast, watching every expression that passed over her face, seeing her excitement grow with every passing minute.

The guttural cry she let out was his undoing, and he followed her over the edge his fingers digging into the flesh of her thighs, his mind emptying of all conscious thought.

He dropped down onto the bed next to her, pulling her into his side his fingers interlinking with her. "God that was good."

"It was," she replied, her breath still falling in pants as she turned and curled into him.

Robbie felt her fingers stroke against his shoulder and he pressed a chaste kiss to her forehead, feeling incredibly content and peaceful as Jackie drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Feeling more relaxed than she had done in years, Jackie let herself into the hotel room and stifled a laugh when she saw Robbie sprawled across the sofa fast asleep, his mouth slightly agape as he let out a quiet snore, the day's papers sprawled out on the floor around him. Leaning over the back of the sofa, she brushed her fingers over his cheek, her smile widening when his eyes flickered open.

Robbie gave a stretch as he stared up at her. "Good day?" he asked.

"Very. How was your game?"

"We won," he told her cheerfully, pulling her into a brief kiss.

"And you had a few beers to celebrate?" she guessed.

"Met a few guys in the bar who were watching it as well, seemed rude not to celebrate with them when they asked."

"I can't believe we've came to a posh hotel and you've spent the bulk of the day watching footie and having a few pints," Jackie laughed, shaking her head.

"Well the spa's not really my thing."

"Shame, it was wonderful," she informed him as she rounded the sofa. "I've been pampered to within an inch of my life."

Robbie's hand slide up her waist as he remarked, "So you'll be even more receptive to my advances then?"

"Perhaps later, right now I'm more concerned with getting you out of this room." She tugged on his hand. "It's a lovely evening and the grounds here look spectacular, we should go for a walk before dinner."

He groaned, "What about a walk is meant to be relaxing?"

"I never said it would be relaxing, although in this setting how could it not be?"

Robbie sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the sofa. "Fine, but just because it's you asking."

Wrapping her arm around his as he stood up, Jackie replied, "Are you saying I have you wrapped around my little finger, DI Ross?"

"Not quite, but I do more for you than I would for anyone else."

"Yes, but I let you away with a lot more than anyone else ever would."

"True," he admitted. "Which is exactly why I'm agreeing to this."

"It's not that bad, afterwards we can have dinner and then I'll show you just how much I appreciate this weekend away." She leaned forward on her toes kissing the spot on his neck just under his ear.

* * *

She tightened her leg around his waist, her hands in his hair as she kissed him deeply. They were on their sides, wrapped together their, skin slick with sweat as they moved slowly. His mouth pressed into the hollow of her throat, feeling the moans she made vibrate against his lips.

The pleasure thrummed in his veins as he rocked against her, building slowly between them, her fingers bit slightly into the back of his neck and that just spurred him on, his hips rocking against hers.

Jackie arched into him, the pleasure almost at fever pitch as she sighed his name, holding back everything else that she wanted to say, her mouth pressing against his shoulder to stifle her cries.

As her muscles tightened around him, Robbie let the contractions tug him over the edge, his mouth forming the words 'I love you' against her cheek, knowing she was too caught up in the moment to know what he'd said, he just hadn't been able to hold it back anymore.

As they both came down from their high they were still locked together and Robbie felt her fingers brush against his cheek as she brought his lips to hers. He didn't want to hold back his feelings for her anymore he realised, he wanted her to know just what he felt for her.

* * *

She was going to have to end it; Jackie decided grimly the next morning as she pulled the brush through her hair. She'd went and done the one thing she always said she wouldn't, she'd fallen for him. The worst part of it was that she didn't want to end this, she loved what they had, the problem with it being that it wasn't real, not for him anyway.

She couldn't even tell him, it would ruin their friendship if he was forever looking at her and knowing what she felt for him. So she'd give herself the next two weeks with him, and when the next pregnancy test came up negative she would end it, would tell him that she'd changed her mind, that the disappointment every month was too much for her, and they could go back to the way it was.

The wish she had for a baby hadn't died but being with him like this had made her realise that she secretly wanted the whole picture, she wanted her baby to have a proper father, she wanted a real relationship. If she thought she and Robbie had a future she'd happily put off having a child to make it work.

She was beginning to think that Robbie had been right, she'd reacted to what that maniac had said to her without really taking the time to think through the consequences of what she was planning. Yes she was still slightly afraid she'd never have a baby but she knew know that she didn't just want a baby for the sake of having one, she wanted that baby to be the product of something amazing that she shared with their father. She only wished that she could at least have had the opportunity to have that with Robbie.


	7. Chapter 7

He was going to tell her he loved her, he'd decided and he wasn't going to back out, he was fed up with feeling like he was on the outskirts of her life looking in. Later tonight Jackie would tell him that she wasn't pregnant and he would wait a few days for her disappointment to fade and then instead of them trying again he'd tell her. He'd suggest that they put this whole baby idea on a back burner and just give a relationship between them a chance.

Because as much as he wanted things to work out between them he wasn't ready for full on fatherhood. In fact that might be the one stumbling point, because he would have to confess that he might not ever be ready for that, and she would be taking that risk if she gave him the shot he so desperately wanted.

He let out an aggravated sigh as he realised he'd cocked up the knot in his tie again, he was too on edge, but he couldn't help it. If she turned him down then he'd not only ruin their friendship but he might very well be taking away her dream of having a baby, because after this confession they wouldn't be able to go back to the arrangement they currently had on the go.

Robbie yanked his tie straight, surely though it would be worth it, he wanted to think that she cared for him. When they were together he truly believed that she did, but her words on the day it all started that she'd never love him echoed as stark warning in his though things had changed since then, he'd never thought he'd want to willingly throw himself under the bus of commitment but he would if it meant he could have Jackie. He'd do anything she'd ask to make this work.

Staring down at his now perfect tie, Robbie felt as though the knot was choking him, and slackened it, undoing the top button of his shirt at the same time. He wanted to get this over and done with, maybe he'd be better just to do it all tonight, when she broke the news he'd tell her how he felt about her. He just couldn't wait any longer; he'd go mad if he did.

He nodded decisively, tonight then, he'd tell her tonight. Get it all out in the open and just deal with the consequences afterwards. He had a good feeling though that it would all work out, he clenched his fist to stop his hand from shaking. It would all work out, he repeated to himself.

* * *

The line was bright blue, both lines were bright blue. Jackie blinked, giving the stick a tiny flick as though it would dislodge that second line, or make it dissolve. She hadn't really thought that this was an option when she'd taken the test.

She'd only taken the test because her period hadn't started today and she had a spare test from the last time, so she thought she'd just get rid of any lingering doubt. She'd never expected it to turn up positive.

Swallowing heavily she belatedly realised that that blue line wasn't going anywhere, she was pregnant. She didn't feel pregnant though, had no signs other than the fact that she was late, she'd expected – perhaps foolishly – to feel different, it was such a life changing event after all, surely she should feel that something had changed.

She didn't even know how she felt, she'd wanted this so badly and part of her was thrilled by this, the other more sensible part of her – that had obviously spent the last six months in hiding – knew she'd made a hell of a mess. But she'd made her bed and now she was just going to have to make the best of a situation she'd brought willingly on herself to begin with.

And it's not as though this baby would have no father in its life, Robbie would be there, just in a much diluted role, and they wouldn't know how big a role he should be playing. That was what she'd told him she'd wanted, and at that point, in the absence of a loving relationship she'd meant it. But now he'd shown her what she could have and even though she couldn't have it with him, she didn't want to bring her baby into anything less – not that she had any say in that matter now.

So instead she would do what she did best, she would make things work, she would push aside her feelings for Robbie and stick to the original plan. As for her baby she would love them whatever and she would be the best mother possible, she'd make up for the fact that she'd screwed up this early on. She'd make sure that they never wanted for anything.

Her hand pressed against her stomach, it still all felt so surreal to her. Maybe when she told Robbie it would feel more real. Her stomach lurched at that thought, once she told him it was going to be over, and even though she'd planned to end it anyway she hadn't quite accepted it. This was the one piece of news that was certain to finish off this affair, and she secretly didn't want it to be over, she just didn't have any real choice in the matter.

* * *

Robbie cleared his throat somewhat awkwardly, causing Jackie's head to jerk up. "Are you ok?" she asked, her eyes softening in concern. "You've been coughing a lot tonight."

"I'm fine," he replied. Although the truth was he kept coughing because he kept going to confess all and then chickening out at the last possible moment. "Just...um...have a dry throat. What about you? You seem distracted tonight." It was one of the reasons he kept ducking out, anytime they were talking he could feel her attention drifting away from him. It made him nervous.

Jackie took in a deep breath, steeling herself for what she knew she had to do now, she couldn't justify leaving it any longer. "I suppose I am a little distracted, my mind's definitely elsewhere," she admitted.

He moved closer to her, his hand covering hers. "Anything I can help with?"

She gave him a wry smile. "You've already done enough. I'm pregnant."

The grip he had on her hand slackened as his face visibly paled. "Pregnant?" he echoed disbelievingly. "I thought..." he tailed off, shaking his head as he tried to gather his thoughts.

"Thought what?" she asked, slightly perturbed by his reaction.

"Thought it hadn't worked this month, thought that might be why you were distracted," he admitted.

Jackie smiled, unable to contain her happiness at this news – even though it broke her heart for this to end – as she told him, "Well it looks like you were right, all I needed to do was to relax and give it time."

He pulled her into a clumsy hug. "That's great news, just what you wanted."

She nodded against his shoulder. "Yeah," she muttered. "It was"

His eyes flickered down to her stomach as he tried to come to terms with what she'd just told him. Originally he'd thought that he'd find it relatively easy to leave when she told him she was pregnant, then later he was sure that the news would terrify him into leaving. Now he was facing her and listening to her break this life changing news he wasn't sure how he felt.

He was petrified by the idea of all that responsibility, he always had been and that didn't change even when it was Jackie who was breaking the news, although he wished he was a better man and could step into a real place in both their lives. He couldn't though, which meant it was over, he'd waited too long and she'd slipped through his fingers. "So...what now?" he finally asked, unsure of what he wanted the answer to be.

She drew reluctantly back from his embrace as she replied, "I suppose what we agreed on, we go back to how it was before."

Robbie gave a curt nod. "Just friends?" he clarified.

Jackie felt a small flicker of hope ignite at the tone in his voice and the expression on his face. "Well what else would we be?" she asked.

He wanted to tell her that they could be more, he wanted to be the man she deserved but he just couldn't bring himself to say the words, to commit to such a big responsibility, but neither did he want to give her up. He shrugged. "I just wanted to make sure we were ok, after all a lot's changed."

Her heart sank. "Of course we're ok," she assured him quietly. "We had an agreement after all; we both knew what we were getting into."

"We did," he agreed, although he felt the reality of it all was something else entirely. "So when it comes to the baby what happens? I mean where do I stand?"

"Well I already said I wouldn't ask for anything from you and I'll stick to that," she replied, trying to put him at ease. He'd never agreed to play Dad and she didn't want him to feel forced into it, although neither would she insist that he keep his distance anymore.

He gave another nod, his head was aching, she didn't want him involved and despite it all he had to admit that it stung him. "Right...well you know that if you ever need anything..." He tailed off again, running his hand through his hair. "Fuck," he swore under his breath. "Never thought it would be as awkward as this."

"It's not exactly how I pictured it either," she admitted. "But we'll get past it, we've got past everything else thrown at us."

"Yeah." Robbie got awkwardly to his feet as he announced, "I should probably get going though."

Jackie stood up, her arm resting on his as she replied, "You don't have to. I know we agreed we'd end things when I got pregnant but that doesn't mean you have to rush off."

He felt as though he had a noose tightening around his neck, part of him wanted to stay with her, but the other part of him had to get out of here. Couldn't stay and pretend that everything was ok, when he'd lost her and what he had a feeling was the only chance he had for a real, meaningful relationship that actually had a hope of working. "I know, but it might be best for us both to get some space."

"Right." Her hand fell to her side. He'd kept up his side of the deal and now he was making his escape, she wasn't sure why she felt so hurt, they'd agreed this was how it would be. It was just that a small part of her had wanted him to be as happy about this as she was, had wanted him to announce he couldn't walk away. She knew how stupid that sounded, Robbie didn't do commitment and he'd never lied to her or pretended they would have anything more than what they'd originally decided.

On seeing the expression on her face, Robbie decided that it was in fact possible for him to feel even lower than he already had done, and he had to fix it. "There's something I should have said to you by now," he told her. "Congratulations, Jackie."

Jackie let him pull her into a hug, her arms wrapping automatically around him. "Thanks," she replied on instinct. "For everything," she added meaningfully.

"Yeah well if there's anything else you need help with...if the hormones make you sex mad then you just need to come find me," he told her, forcing himself to keep his tone light.

It worked, her face cleared slightly and she laughed, relieved to see the more familiar side of Robbie rear its head. "I'll keep that in mind," she assured him. "In fact you'll be the first person I call."

"Good." Leaning forward he kissed her cheeks chastely, lingering slightly before deciding against deviating to her mouth. "Goodnight, Jackie."

"Night," she replied, wrapping her arms around herself as she watched him walk out of the room, the sound of her front door clicking shut echoing in her head for the rest of the night.


	8. Chapter 8

Jackie swallowed back a wave of nausea as she tried to listen to Burke droning on and on. All she could smell was Stuart's burger, and as she glanced to the side and watched him take a massive bite out of the grease laden food she felt her stomach lurch. Stuart caught her watching and waved it under her nose, asking – in what was probably meant to be a friendly gesture – "You want a bite?"

Shaking her head, Jackie felt her stomach roll, and pressing her hand against her mouth briefly she got to her feet and quickly made her way out of the briefing room, breaking into a run the moment she knew she was out of sight.

"Where the bloody hell does she think she's going?" Burke barked in annoyance. "I wasn't finished."

Stuart looked down at his burger and muttered, "A no would have worked just as well." He took another bite and added through it, "She didn't look that well though, looked a bit pale."

Robbie crossed his arms across himself, he'd barely spoken to Jackie in the last two weeks, he'd wanted to but his head had been too screwed up and so unless it was to do with work he'd avoided her. Seeing her go that pale and bolt out the room made him feel incredibly guilty that he hadn't been checking up on her more often, after all she was having his kid. "Want me to go check on her?" he offered.

"Robbie, pigs will fly before I give you permission to stalk out the ladies, I would like you to at least keep part of your mind on work after all. Stuart can go."

Stuart looked up in surprise at that declaration. "I can?"

"Out of the three of us do you see anyone more suitable?" Burke questioned in annoyance.

"Well no..."

"Then get going."

"But my food will get cold-" He cut off when he saw the glare that crossed his boss's face and the way Robbie shifted, looking incredibly antsy. Getting to his feet, Stuart reluctantly put his burger back onto its wrapper and dragged his feet towards the corridors and the ladies toilets. He hesitated at the door, unsure whether or not he should knock, after all it was eleven at night, and they were the only team in the CID office at the moment so it was unlikely that there was anyone else in there.

After another second he took a deep breath and pushed the door open, frowning in concern when he heard the sound of Jackie retching from one of the cubicles. He moved towards the door and knocked at it. "Jackie, are you alright?"

There was a pause and he heard her cough, her voice slightly hoarser than usual as she answered, "I'm fine. Be out in a few minutes."

"No offence, but you don't sound well," Stuart told her bluntly.

"Probably something I've eaten."

He heard the sound of the toilet flushing and stood to the side as the door opened and Jackie stepped out, shooting him a weak smile as she headed to the sink, washing her hands and rinsing her mouth out with water. "Have you got any gum?" she asked him.

"Yeah." He fumbled in the inside pocket of his suit jacket and pulled out the packet, holding it out to her.

"Cheers." Sighing, Jackie leaned back against the wall, closing her eyes for a brief second as she chewed. Opening her eyes and telling Stuart, "I'm fine now, you go ahead, I'll be back in a minute."

Stuart didn't move, instead he asked, "Everything alright?"

"Everything's fine, I told you it'll be something I've eaten."

"I didn't think that crackers and toast could have such a spectacular effect on someone's stomach," he remarked dryly.

"I had soup for lunch," she replied.

"Jackie...today's not the first time you've disappeared into here. And you threw up into a bin at the crime scene yesterday."

"I didn't think anyone had noticed that," she admitted.

"If it helps it was just me that saw it. But it means that I know it's not something you've eaten today." He took a deep breath and added, "So anything you want to tell me?"

She did want to tell him the truth, but it was so early on that she didn't want to jinx herself, she wanted this kept quiet, at least until her first scan. She wasn't sure if she could keep it from Stuart though. It was her excitement won out though and she told him with a smile, "I'm pregnant."

Stuart's eyes widened. "You're what?" He looked down at her stomach and back up at her. "You don't look it."

"Well its early days," she admitted. "I'm only about six weeks, which is why I want to keep it quiet."

"Yeah of course." The surprise fading from his face and being replaced by an excited grin, Stuart pulled her into a hug. "Congratulations, Jackie. I didn't even know you were seeing anyone."

"It's complicated," she admitted cagily. "He's not going to be involved."

"Oh." Stuart stared at her slightly awkwardly, unsure of what to say next.

Jackie patted his arm as she told him, "It's ok, I've gotten past that, it's not important."

Stuart tilted his head, he knew what it was like not to be wanted by a parent and he wouldn't wish that feeling on anyone. "Are you sure about that? I mean like you said it's early yet, so maybe he'll change his mind."

She shook her head. "I don't think so."

"It would be better for the baby if they knew who their father was," he pointed out.

"Maybe when they're older, but nothing's going to change anytime soon," she told him bluntly before adding, "I don't really want to get into this right now though."

"Ok." He nodded, knowing that pushing the issue now would just ruin what was meant to be a happy moment, and he was happy for her, he just wished that she had the whole picture. "Well at least I know why you keep running off and disappearing," he joked.

Jackie gave a dry laugh. "Yeah in the last week I think I've had almost every symptom in the book, and since in the first week I had none I had thought I was going to avoid them."

"Unlucky," Stuart remarked.

"Maybe, but it makes it all feel a bit more real. After another six weeks it might start to get pretty old though." She shifted slightly as she added, "Stuart what I've told you, it's to be just between us, ok?"

"Of course. Take it you haven't told the Boss yet then?"

"No, not yet," she admitted.

"Might be better if you do, you don't want to end up putting yourself in harm's way."

"I won't, and I know I have to tell him but I just want to wait for a little while. I hadn't planned to tell anyone until after my first scan."

"So just between us until then?" he asked, a grin on his face at the idea of being the first to know something for once.

She couldn't tell him that Robbie already knew, that would certainly prompt too many questions so she simply smiled and replied, "Looks like it."

Stuart puffed out, looking rather like an extremely proud pigeon as he remarked, "And just think, Robbie was all for storming in here to check up on you."

"Was he?" Jackie asked, trying to keep her tone casual.

"Yeah, Boss shot him down though," Stuart chuckled. "Come on we better get back before they send out a search party."

"Definitely, although you might need to start eating your greasy food a bit further away from me for the time being."

"I can do that," he agreed. "I can also help you with any cover stories you might need."

Jackie laughed, squeezing his hand. "That's good of you, I'm hoping I won't need them though."

"Yeah, well you know what they say, it's best to be prepared."

* * *

Lifting her head off the sofa at the sound of her doorbell, Jackie gave a yawn as she debated whether or not she actually wanted to move and answer it. The decision was made for her though when she heard her letterbox rattle and Robbie's voice call through, "I know you're in and I'm not going anywhere."

Groaning, Jackie pulled herself up and made her way to the door. Opening it she told him pointedly, "You might not be aware of this but pregnant women need their rest."

"It's six in the evening," he pointed out.

"Is that it?" She asked, "God my body's screwed up right now."

"Looks alright from where I'm standing," he quipped. He pressed past her, making his way into her kitchen.

"Ever the charmer, although that doesn't actually explain why you're here," she replied as she followed him.

"Noticed you've started having some morning sickness," he told her as he dumped a plastic shopping bag onto one of her countertops.

"Try any and all times of the day sickness."

"So I looked into it and found a couple of things you could try that might help."

"You looked into it?" She questioned, looking at him in confusion. "Why would you do that for me?"

Robbie shrugged. "Because you obviously feel like crap and I dunno," he ran his hand through his hair. "Felt a bit responsible so I thought I should help out."

Jackie smiled as she warned him, "Careful you're in danger of sounding sweet and caring."

He pulled a face. "And we can't have that."

"No, we definitely can't. So what did you bring me?"

He pulled out the items one by one as he gave a brief explanation for each. "Crackers for you to keep at your bedside, it's meant to help if you eat something small and bland before you get up. Eggs for your breakfast, because protein's meant to help, so does peanut butter, pasta and I brought you some ready salted crisps for you to carry around in your bag with you in case you start to feel sick while you're out or at work."

She smiled at him. "You've really thought this through," she stated, her hand covering his.

He turned his hand so that he could enclose his fingers around hers. He hadn't liked seeing her unwell, hadn't liked the fact he wasn't able to show that he did care at work and he wanted to make up for being such an ass to her the last two weeks. "Yeah, well I was hoping you could take it as my apology for the way I walked out of here the last time."

"You didn't need to apologise, it was a shock. Despite us planning this all it was still a surprise to me as well."

"So I'm forgiven then?" he asked hopefully.

"There was nothing to forgive you for, but I appreciate all of this." She leaned forward and kissed him on his cheek. "Let's just hope it works."

"I'll keep my fingers crossed...So other than the sickness, how are you?"

"Tired," she admitted. "I need to pee almost constantly and my breasts hurt. But since all of that is meant to be pretty normal I'm good."

"They look bigger," he told her, eyeing up her cleavage in her pyjama's cami top.

"They are a bit, my bras are starting to dig into me."

"So the view around the office is going to improve then."

Slapping his arm, Jackie laughed, "Don't be such a pervert."

"Can't help it." He squeezed her fingers as he told her, "You know that if I could have I would have came and checked on you the other day if I could have."

"I know. I ended up telling Stuart about the baby."

"What did he say?"

"He was surprised, but happy for me."

"He ask whose it was?"

"Not exactly, he just said I'd kept it pretty quiet." She looked up at him as she added suddenly, "I wanted to talk to you about what we said before, about you not being involved-"

He shook his head, stopping her midway through her sentence, she was going to tell him to back off and he didn't want to hear those words come out of her mouth. "Jackie, what we agreed on is for the best, I don't want to change that, I just want to make sure that you're alright...as your friend."

Jackie inhaled sharply, she'd been about to offer him the chance to be involved in this baby's life, that they'd compromise and make it work somehow, if that was what he wanted and he very obviously didn't. He didn't want the responsibility, she should just accept that. "I just wanted to make sure that we're on the same page," she replied after a moment.

"We are." He let her hand slip from his. "Anyway I better get going." He kissed her cheek. "Let you get some rest."

"Yeah, goodnight, Robbie."

He left the flat, digging his hands into his pocket as he braced himself against the chill of the November wind, and forced himself not to look back.


	9. Chapter 9

**Thanks for the review :) It really pushed me onwards.**

**Hope you all enjoy this next chapter.**

**There's scenes from the episode The Caring Game in here and a character from my story Tale of the Unexpected.**

* * *

Leaning back on the examination table, Jackie rolled up her top and tried to make herself comfortable. "Are you ready?" the sonographer asked. "Just as a warning this gel's pretty cold."

"I'm ready," Jackie replied, unable to hide her grin. She'd waited weeks for this moment, had suffered through the sickness and the tiredness, keeping her hopes up by pining them on this milestone, because even as her sickness faded and she started to develop a tiny bump it all still didn't quite feel real to her.

Despite the warning though, she still inhaled sharply when the gel made contact with her stomach. The woman gave a small smile. "I did warn you, although you'd think after all these years they'd have found a way to warm this stuff up."

"It would make it a little more pleasant," Jackie admitted.

"You'll forget all about it in a few minutes," the younger woman promised her. "Now what's going to happen is I'm going to take some measurements, calculate your due date and then turn the screen around so that you can see your baby. While I'm doing all that though I'm going to turn the sound up so that you can hear the heartbeat, ok?"

"Ok," Jackie agreed, letting out a nervous breath, although she couldn't help but smile as she did so. Closing her eyes for a brief moment she felt the probe press against her stomach, gliding across it with ease. For a few seconds there was silence and she felt her own nerves ratchet up a notch until suddenly she heard it, an odd whooshing noise that was interspersed with a strong thudding. Lifting her head, Jackie looked towards the screen that was still obscured from her. "Is that it?" she asked, her voice wavering slightly.

"That's it," she confirmed, a smile on her face. "A good strong heartbeat, and baby looks lovely and healthy as well, perfectly on schedule for this stage. Now going from the sizes I've taken and the dates you've given me, you're twelve weeks at the moment and due on the 7th of July." She turned the screen around so that Jackie could see it.

"Oh!" She breathed out, "I can't believe how much they look like a baby, I thought they'd still look like a blob."

"No, you can see much more than you'd think at this stage. At the moment your baby's about 7cm from top to bottom. They have arms and legs, and the little one can even open and close their mouth."

"I can't believe how much they're moving around!"

"Yeah, they're quite the little acrobats even at this stage, even if you can't feel them yet. So will I print you out a couple of pictures?"

"I'd like that," Jackie replied, not quite able to tear her eyes away from the screen. She couldn't believe it, that was her baby, hers and Robbie's. And in that moment she wanted him here with her. He should be here to see this, this amazing moment; but he wasn't, all because of their deal. The biggest irony of it all was that if they'd never come up with this deal then she wouldn't even be lying here in the first place.

* * *

"You wanting a coffee?" Alison asked as she filled up the kettle and pulled out two mugs, just about to scoop the coffee grounds in regardless of hearing the answer.

"No thanks, I'll just have some tea," Jackie told her sister in law.

"Don't tell me, you've mainlined so much that you've been given yourself the shakes," she laughed, dumping a teabag into Jackie's mug instead.

"For once you're actually wrong," she replied. "Although I have given it up."

"I didn't think the police were allowed to give up coffee," she quipped. "Is that not the same type of sacrilege as nurses giving up tea?"

"You're watching too many tv dramas," Jackie informed her. "I think you might actually be starting to think the clichés are true to life."

"Sometimes it's more fun that way. So come on then if you're not fighting an addiction then why have you given it up?" she asked as she pushed her mug towards her and sat down across from her.

"Because I'm pregnant," she replied simply.

Alison let out a short sharp bark of laughter. "Oh, Jackie for a second there you almost had me going. Don't do that to me! You know I hate fake surprises."

"It's not a set up," Jackie replied, pulling the sonogram out of her bag and pushing it towards her. "I really am pregnant, twelve weeks, I've just come back from my first scan."

Alison took the picture and stared at it with wide eyes. "Oh," she muttered. "You're serious." She looked back up at her sister in law and remarked, "Don't take this the wrong way, but how? You've never mentioned anyone."

"Considering that you tell Alex absolutely everything that I tell you about my personal life, I've started keeping certain aspects of it to myself, mainly for self preservation."

"I let slip one thing!" Alison protested.

"You told him Brian and I were separated," she pointed out. "It wasn't exactly a small secret and I had hoped to break the news a little more gently than that. Instead I got a lecture on how I should be fighting to save my marriage."

"He was trying to help."

"He'd spent the last two years before that telling me how much he hated Brian," Jackie replied dryly.

"Don't try and change the subject." Alison shuffled forward in her seat. "You can't not tell me the full story now. So come on, who's the father and how long have you been seeing him?"

"We're not together," Jackie told her. "It's complicated."

"It always is with you, but I'm not accepting that as an answer, so spit it out, what happened?"

"Nothing, I used a sperm donor," Jackie told her. She'd thought long and hard about how to explain her pregnancy to her family and she knew that if she told them it was a failed relationship or a one night stand that her brothers would not accept the fact that the father wasn't going to be involved. At least this way they wouldn't –well couldn't- go out and lynch Robbie. They wouldn't care about any agreement they might have had between each other. They would expect him to face up to his impending responsibilities regardless.

Alison spluttered on her coffee, bringing her hand up to wipe away at her mouth before she gasped in disbelief, "You did what?"

"Used a sperm donor," Jackie repeated. "I was fed up of waiting for the right man to come along so I gave nature a bit of a push."

"A bit of a push," Alison echoed. "Jackie, you gave it more than a push! What were you thinking?"

"I was thinking that I wanted to have a baby and I was running out of time."

"But really? Becoming a single parent to a baby fathered by a complete stranger using a glorified turkey baster was your solution?"

Jackie bristled. "It's a bit more complicated than that."

Alison rubbed at her forehead looking pained. "How exactly are you planning to explain this to the rest of them, you know they won't take it well."

"They'll have gotten over it by the time the baby gets here."

"You think? And you know Fiona is never going to let it go, don't you?"

"I just won't tell them about the sperm donor part then."

"Yes because they're not going to want to know who the bastard is who knocked up their baby sister and left her high and dry."

"I'm hardly high and dry, I planned this after all."

"Oh God!" Alison let her forehead fall into her hands as she wailed, "I cannot believe this!"

"You can't believe what?" A third voice asked.

Alison's head jerked up. "What are you doing home?" She asked her seventeen year old daughter suspiciously.

"It's Thursday, I have a double free period after lunch, means I finish early." She gave an aggrieved sigh. "I've told you this before Mum!"

Alison waved her hand distractedly. "Yes, of course. Now, Sarah if you don't mind your aunt and I are trying to have a serious discussion."

The teenager turned and smiled. "Oh hi, Aunt Jackie, didn't see you there." She leaned forward and gave her a hug. "What are you doing here?"

"Just dropped in to see your Mum, have a chat."

"A private chat," Alison told her daughter meaningfully. "Now I'm sure you have some homework to do."

Rolling her eyes, Sarah replied, "I get it, you want me to bugger off, which is fine because I'm meeting my friends in town, we're going shopping and then for dinner. I'm just away to get changed." She took in a deep breath before adding, "Mum...you know how I don't get paid until Saturday well I was wondering if you could loan us fifty quid."

"Fifty!"

"You'll get it back, come on, please?"

"I want it back on Saturday, in full."

"You'll get it, promise."

"And you need to start to learn to budget, your Dad and I won't always be able to bail you out you know."

"I know!" She replied, rolling her eyes again.

"Take the money out my purse."

"Yay! Thank you," Sarah squealed kissing her Mum's cheek before swirling round and kissing Jackie's cheek added, "It was nice to see you."

They watched as the young girl bounced off happily. Alison turned to Jackie and asked, "That's her on a good evening and she's my easiest, the boys are worse, and you want to deal with that on your own?"

"In a perfect world no, but I've made my decision and I can't...I won't back out now." Jackie picked up the sonogram that had thankfully completely bypassed her nieces attention and smiled at it for a moment before tucking it safely into her bag as she added, "I don't want to back out. No it's not the perfect way but that's not the most important thing anymore."

"No, no I suppose it's not. Although I still don't think any of the men are going to be able to get their heads around this. I think we should leave that bit out, just play dumb and refuse to tell them anything, I can keep this secret...I think."

On looking at the worry on her sister in law's face, Jackie felt an overwhelming wave of guilt, this was all getting so twisted up. She knew that her family would love this baby no matter what but she hadn't really thought about how bewildered they'd all be by her decision to do this alone. She felt like she should confess and yet she knew that to backtrack now would just make an even bigger mess. "It will all work out," she told her.

Alison hesitated for a moment before nodding, "Yeah...yeah of course it will."

* * *

"You can stare at that door all you want," Robbie told her as he walked into the small kitchenette, "It's not going to change."

"I'm just trying to psyche myself up a bit," Jackie replied.

"Ah, he's not that bad. What is it you've done?" He asked, looking at her curiously.

"Nothing," Jackie replied. "I was planning on telling him I'm pregnant. I'm now thinking I might wait until I give birth."

Robbie gave a wry chuckle. "Think he might be more annoyed if he ends up delivering it on the office floor because you decided to keep it quiet."

"Yeah, I can understand why that might piss him off a bit," she admitted with a smile.

"So we're going for the big reveal today then?"

"Yeah, I figured it was about time I broke the news. Had my first scan last week and they gave me and the baby the all clear health wise, so I figured there was no time like the present."

Robbie swallowed heavily. "You...you had your first scan?" he asked.

Jackie looked over at him, thrown by his reaction. "I did."

"So the baby's alright?"

She smiled softly as she replied, "They're perfect. I have a picture if you'd like to see?"

"I would," he admitted.

"Ok, wait there, I'll be back in a minute." Robbie watched her go, he'd noticed the way she'd switched to looser clothing in the last few weeks, noticed how her eating habits had subtly changed, how she craved salty food, he'd even seen her eating out of a jar of olives the other day.

She was back in less than a minute, a small picture clasped in her hand. She handed it over to him somewhat nervously and he took it from her, absorbing every detail of the tiny person they'd created. "Already a good looking kid," he quipped, smiling over the photograph at her.

Jackie felt her shoulders relax at his reaction. "I have more than one, you can keep that one if you want," she told him, her voice quiet.

"I'd like that," he replied. "Did you go on your own?"

"I did."

"You know if you want...I mean I'd like it if-"

"What are we looking at?" Stuart asked, walking into the kitchen, and Robbie had never wanted to strangle the younger man more. Looking down at the picture of their baby he'd wanted more, he knew what he'd agreed, and he knew he wasn't A-grade father material but he wanted to be there for the important moments. And now that moment, the moment they were sharing had been ruined, so yeah he was more than a little pissed off. Glaring at Stuart, he slid the picture into his pocket, careful not to wrinkle it.

Jackie however didn't look perturbed in the slightest, and taking a sip of her tea replied, "Just something to do with the case."

Stuart looked between them, asking, "Do I not get to see it then?"

"Nope," Robbie replied with great satisfaction. "Need to know only."

Jackie couldn't help but laugh at the expression on Stuart's face. "Well I think I'll leave you two to it, need to go and talk to the Boss." She took in a deep breath and headed towards the office, it was now or never after all.

Stuart followed her out, meandering slowly back to his desk, leaving Robbie alone in the kitchen area. He watched as Jackie disappeared into Burke's office, and reached for the sonogram once more.

His eyes greedily drank in every tiny detail, their nose, minuscule hands and the seemingly giant head. He leaned back against the counter, trying to clear his head, trying to decide what he wanted. He knew what they'd agreed but at the end of the day he did have some rights, it just depended on whether or not he decided to pursue them.

* * *

_Two Weeks Later_

Robbie stared at the letter, unable to quite comprehend what he was reading, he slumped into his chair as he re-read it, willing the words to change. Needless to say they didn't.

Gaby couldn't be serious, he decided, she just couldn't be. Moving to Canada and taking his son with her! He shook his head, no, no, no, no. This could not be happening. A move like this took months to plan, she would have to have applied for visas, which meant if they were planning on flying out next month she'd known about this for a while, and she hadn't seen fit to even mention it to him.

He folded the letter over, his heart pounding. How could she do this to him? Just take his son thousands of miles away from him without even running it by him.

The shrill trill of his mobile yanked him out of his thoughts, and for a brief moment he contemplated not answering the damn thing, but if it was work as he suspected then they'd just keep ringing, and then there was always the possibility that it was Jackie and there was something wrong.

On that thought he reached for the offending item and his nose wrinkled when he saw that his first thought was the correct one. Stifling a groan he answered, "DI Ross."

"Robbie, get yourself down to the Radcliffe Estate, body of a young woman found in a flat, suspicious circumstance," Burke informed him shortly.

"Be there in half an hour," Robbie answered, glancing at his wrist watch.

"You'll be here in ten," Burke growled. "There's no traffic."

Robbie rolled his eyes at the dial tone. He didn't want to spend his evening at work, he wanted to go and talk to Gaby, wanted to know what the hell she was playing at. Glancing down at the letter in his hand, her turned it over and pushed it into his suit pocket. He'd sneak away later, he decided firmly, he wasn't going to let this slide, he wasn't going to let her do this to him.

* * *

Jackie glanced over her shoulder and saw Robbie sitting in his car, staring intently at something in his hands. Frowning she made her way over to him, leaning forward on the open window, smiling teasingly as she asked, "Unsavoury bank statement?"

He looked up sharply, glaring at her as he wrinkled the piece of paper in his hand and shoved it into the inside of his jacket. "Where's this body then?" He asked, tapping her arm so that she moved out the way of the door, enabling him to get out.

She pulled a face. "Catastrophically bad bank statement?"

"Just drop it, Jackie," he warned her. "Now are you going to tell me what we've got or can I leave this to you and go home?" he added sharply.

Her lips thinned at his tone, Robbie hadn't got crabbit with her for months, and she'd forgotten how much she disliked it. "Fine," she replied, annoyed at the fact that her tone sounded over so slightly petulant. "Victim's a Kyra McMartin, found in the bath, been dead roughly a week, only found because the neighbour started complaining about the smell."

"Cause of death?"

"Not sure yet, forensics is in there just now. We should hopefully have a bit more to go on after that."

"Fine." Robbie stopped dead and suddenly turned on his heel, walking back towards his car. "Call me when you get something meaningful."

Jackie stared after him in surprise for a moment before yelling after him, "Robbie, the boss wants you here!"

"Got somewhere more important to be," he shouted back, not once turning back to look at her.

Watching him go, Jackie let out an aggrieved sigh. Pressing her hand against her small, defined bump she muttered softly, "I won't mind if you take after your Dad, but try and avoid having his bloody mood swings if you can."

* * *

Pacing outside Gaby's front door, Robbie inhaled deeply on his cigarette one last time before dropping it and grounding the smouldering ash into dust on the tarmac. He stared at the dimly lit front window, trying to decide if his ex wife was in fact at home. Moving towards the railings he lifted himself up, leaning over as he tried to see inside, his foot catching a flowerpot as he swung forward and sending it crashing to the ground.

He saw the hall light flicker on and he dropped himself neatly back onto the ground, waiting for her to recognise that it was him. He dug his hands in his pockets, shooting her a nervous smile when she finally answered the door. She raised an expectant eyebrow at him. "I suppose you better come in," she told him reluctantly. He followed her into the living room, still trying to gather his thoughts when she finally turned to face him. "You know you could have called," she commented. "When you didn't I assumed that you weren't interested, that you didn't care."

"What about you?" he asked, frowning at the accusation. "You could have called; instead I just get a letter telling me that you're taking my son away."

"Oh come on," she scoffed. "It's hardly the kind of thing you can say into an answer phone, is it? I wanted you to have time to get your head around it first."

His teeth gritted together. "You're taking my boy halfway around the world and you think that's something I just need to take in!" He shook his head in disbelief. "And why Canada?"

"A new life; why else?. My sister's always banging on about me joining her out there."

"You maybe, but what about Jamie? Is this what he wants? I mean he's never mentioned anything to me."

"You're his dad," she sighed heavily. "How's he supposed to tell you he wants to up sticks. Look I floated the idea and he went for it."

"You're his mother! He needs you, of course he's going to say what you want to hear."

"That's not fair!" she told him, her eyes flashing angrily.

"He doesn't have anyone over there!"

"He has family, he has me."

"Until you find someone new, can't see you wanting him hanging around then."

Gaby stared at him angrily. "I'm the one who's always been there for him, I'm there whenever you've been too busy,"

"I've been there whenever Jamie needed me."

"For the big things maybe, but what about the parent's nights and the sport's days you've missed, all the little things and like it or not Robbie it's the little things that make the difference."

"You haven't always made it easy on me to be there," he replied defensively.

She looked stared at him unrepentantly. "Perhaps, but most of the time you just didn't care enough to turn up."

His lips thinned. "That's not true!"

"Really? So last week when it was the final for his football club where were you?"

"I told you I had to work."

"You always have to work," she sneered.

"I don't see you complaining about it when I give you the money for Jamie every month."

Gaby gave a bitter laugh. "What so because you stick your hands in your pocket you're allowed to abandon every other form of responsibility?"

"I never said that!" He moved in front of her as she made to push past him. "Gaby, you want me to make more of an effort then fine I'll do that, but if you take him away from me then how do expect me to be a better father?"

"I don't," she replied shortly. "I've cut my loses, or rather Jamie's loses. You're never going to change and I know that now. You don't have a clue about how to be a good father and I'm tired of pushing the issue."

"I have rights!" Robbie argued back. "You're not allowed to just take him from me!"

"No court in their right mind would stop me, and you know it."

"I'm not going to let you do it!"

"And I'm not going to let you stop me." Gaby gave an irate sigh and crossed her arms over herself. "Look, Jamie will be home soon and I don't want him to see us fighting. You should go."

Robbie hesitated, he wanted to argue more, knew that if he turned and walked away she would never change her mind. "Gaby, please, don't do this," he pleaded. "Don't take my boy away from me."

For a brief moment Gaby looked at him sympathetically as she told him, "Oh, Robbie, you lost Jamie a long time ago, you were just too busy leading your own life to notice." She placed her hand against his shoulder as she continued, "Please don't make this more difficult than it has to be, just let us go, let us get on with our lives, and you can go back to yours."

* * *

When he left Gaby's flat all he wanted was a drink, but on checking his phone, Robbie noticed that he had five missed calls from Burke. He swore under his breath as he debated whether or not to call him back or just head back to the crime scene; after all he hadn't been away for more than forty odd minutes.

Getting into his car, he ran his fingers through his hair as he replayed his words with Gaby. He'd always known he was a somewhat lacklustre father but that didn't mean he didn't want his son in his life. And it hadn't been that he'd wanted to be crap at fatherhood, but he just hadn't known how to go about it, it wasn't as though he'd had the best role model. The fact that Jamie was happy, healthy and well adjusted had fuck all to do with him and everything to do with Gaby.

Leaning back against the headrest, Robbie let out a sigh. And to think he'd actually been considering asking Jackie for a chance to be a father to their baby. She'd probably have laughed him out of the room, she knew more than most how feckless he could be, so there was no chance she'd let him near her kid.

And it meant that if he wasn't involved then he could end up going through this again, Jackie could do exactly what Gaby was about to do, pack up and take his kid away without ever having to think about him, about what he might want. He didn't want that, she might not want him involved – and maybe that was for the best – but he wasn't about to let himself go through this again.

* * *

"Jackie!"

Turning when she heard Robbie shout out after her just outside of the station, Jackie stopped, waiting for him to catch up with her. "Boss has been looking for you, and he's not happy," she informed him shortly as he reached her side.

"Yeah well that's nothing new," he grumbled in reply. "I had a couple of things to sort out."

"Are you going to tell me what?"

"Gaby's moving to Canada, taking Jamie with her."

"Oh." Jackie's face fell, and she instantly felt guilty for teasing him earlier. "I'm sorry Robbie, I didn't realise."

"Why would you, not like I knew until I got home tonight to find a letter waiting for me. That's how she decides to tell me, a bloody letter! She can't do this, I could stop her, I could get a lawyer and-"

Jackie placed a finger against his mouth, shushing him. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"She can't just take Jamie with her!" he snapped.

"Why is this bothering you so much?" she asked, curiosity getting the better of her. "After all you've said yourself that you don't see that much of him, and it's never seemed to bother you in the past." She knew he loved Jamie, there was no denying that, but he himself had admitted in the past that he scored low in the parenting stakes.

"He's my son as well, Jackie!" he protested.

"I'm not saying he's not, but you've always trusted Gaby's judgement before."

"But why Canada?"

"If she thinks that's best then why not? She deserves to have a life too, after all she's been the one doing all the parenting. Unless you're planning on climbing the armadillo dressed as Batman."

That dragged a reluctant smile from him, as he pinched her arm gently, before remarking dryly. "Knew I could rely on your sympathy."

"You can, but be honest Robbie, at this moment in time he might be better off with his mum."

"I can't just wave him off," he admitted heavily. "Just knowing that Jamie's there makes sense of everything."

"Well then what's the alternative?"

"I don't know...but he's my son!" His eyes flickered down to her bump. "You could do the same," he remarked. "Just fuck off and leave, might never hear from you again."

"Well I'm not planning on going anywhere," she tried to reassure him.

"But if you ever change your mind I don't get a say."

Jackie bit down on her bottom lip, her hand brushing the small curve of her stomach, she'd thought about this a lot for the last few weeks and she saw no point in holding back now. "Robbie...if you've changed your mind about not being involved-"

"No!" He interrupted suddenly, his eyes snapping up to her face. He wasn't sure if she was going to offer him a chance or tell him to back off but either way he didn't want to hear it. Because in the last few minutes he'd realised that either way she was going to build her own life, without him and she'd move on and he'd be on the outside again, and it would tear him apart to lose another child that he'd watched grow up, that he'd loved to distraction. He just couldn't do it. "No," he repeated, his voice lower this time, his eyes meeting hers as he told her, "We made the right choice...the picture, I'll return it to you."

"You don't have to," she tried to tell him, her head suddenly aching.

"It's for the best." His hand patted her arm distractedly. "Anyway, better go and get my arse kicked by the Boss. I'll see you later, Jackie."

He didn't wait for her reaction, he'd done what was best for all of them, he had no reason to feel guilty he told himself, no reason at all.


	10. Chapter 10

**Thanks for the thoughts shared so far :) Hope everyone enjoys this next chapter.**

* * *

_**Six Weeks Later**_

"We're all checked in," Gaby announced as she and Jamie made their way back to where Robbie was standing awkwardly waiting for them, half leaning against a pillar, his hands jammed into his pockets.

He straightened as they approached, managing a half smile in the direction of an excited Jamie, ruffling his son's hair, his smile widening when the teenager ducked to avoid getting his perfectly gelled hair wrecked. Chuckling he turned and asked his ex, "So how long until you have to go through security?"

"Not long, maybe twenty minutes, the queues in security can be horrendous, so I don't want to wait about." She pulled her lips thin for a moment, surveying Robbie's expression before turning to her son and telling him brightly, "Jamie, I need to talk to your Dad for a few minutes."

The teenager let out a small tut as he looked around the busy area and asked sulkily, "Where am I meant to go?"

Digging his hand into his pocket, Robbie pulled out a tenner and pressed it into his son's hand, telling him, "We won't be long, go get yourself some magazines for the flight."

Jamie's nose wrinkled. "Dad I've got my DS with me."

"Then spend it on some crap that'll rot your teeth, you've never complained when I've handed you money before," he pointed out.

"You's can argue in front of me," he told them, shrugging his shoulders. "I won't mind, seen it often enough."

Clapping him on the back, Robbie told him lightly, "Just get going, I'm sure you can find something to waste that on."

Letting out a big sigh, Jamie rolled his eyes. "Yeah, alright," he finally grumbled, swaggering off in the direction of the small cluster of shops that ran along the back wall.

The moment he was out of earshot Gaby swung round to glare at her ex-husband. "I thought you said you were going to at least look positive, for Jamie's sake."

Sighing irritably, Robbie snapped back, "You're taking my son to live three thousand miles away and you expect me to look happy about it?"

"I want him to know he has your blessing."

"He does, but I think he'll be pretty miffed if I wave him off with a big fucking cheery grin in place." He ran his fingers through his hair and told her wretchedly, "I still don't see why you have to do this, take him away."

"Because we'll both have a better life over there." She sighed softly and shook her head as she gave an almost bitter laugh. "You know part of me stupidly hoped that when I told you, you would suddenly declare you couldn't live without us, either of us and come with us."

Robbie's eyes widened at that sudden confession and he felt his jaw slacken. "I...we...we've been over for years Gaby, I had no idea you still felt like this, I mean it was you who threw me out."

"Yes, because we were never your priority, work was, or going to watch the footie at the weekend-"

"I used to take Jamie to the matches with me," he pointed out on a grumble.

"We never did anything as a family, you weren't interested in that. Anything that wasn't going to be fun for you, you didn't want to do it, and I thought when I threw you out that you'd realise what you'd lost and come crawling back, and," she shrugged, "you didn't."

"I know it's not an excuse but I wasn't ready for it, any of it, being a husband, or a dad. I couldn't do it."

"Yes you could. You want to know the real reason we didn't work out, Robbie?"

"Not sure." His nose wrinkled as he added, "But I'm pretty sure you're going to tell me anyway."

She rolled her eyes at him. "Robbie, all I wanted was to feel like Jamie and I were the most important things in the world to you. The rest I could have worked through, but I never, ever felt like that. I always felt like we were ruining your fun."

"You weren't." He rubbed at his forehead. "Never knew you felt like that."

Gaby shrugged. "I probably should have told you, but I suppose I just felt like it wouldn't make a difference. And now I think we all need a fresh start."

"What I need is to be able to see my son."

"Be honest with yourself for once, Robbie," she told him quietly. "This isn't going to make a big difference to your life. You didn't really see Jamie that much to begin with, you just don't like change, not including your bed partners," she remarked with amusement.

"That's not fair."

"No, what I've put up with from you over the years isn't fair, the fact that Jamie had a part time father at best isn't fair. You have been a rotten father to him, let him down time after time. You weren't interested for years unless it fitted in with your own plans, you're too selfish to be a father. So you owe it to him now to look happy enough that he'll get on that plane guilt free."

Robbie stared at her for a moment, he'd never really thought about it from that angle, he had in truth mainly thought about how losing Jamie would affect him, because in all honesty Jamie probably wouldn't miss him. He might occasionally think about him from time to time, but there would be no ache, no father shaped hole in his life, because he hadn't left enough of an impression to leave one. It was a sobering thought. Finally though he summoned up the energy to nod, "Yeah," he muttered quietly, "Yeah you're right, I'll paste a smile on."

"Good, and you can start now because he's on his way back."

Turning, Robbie forced that confident grin he was well known for onto his face. "You got something then," he remarked, nodding at the carrier bag.

Jamie shifted on his feet looking ever so slightly guilty, the tips of his ears turning pink as he murmured, "Yeah, just some sweets though."

Gaby frowned at the bag. "It looks like there's more than sweets in there," she remarked, reaching out and snatching something out of the bag before the boy had a chance to react. "No," she told him firmly, her voice taking on a firm edge. "You know I don't like you reading this stuff."

Robbie couldn't help but chuckle when he saw the copy of Nuts magazine clasped in her hand, watching as Jamie's faced flushed with indignant colour. "I'm sixteen," he hissed. "I can read what I like."

"Not this you can't." She flicked her wrist, sending it into the nearest bin. "So if I were you I'd stick to your games machine."

"DS," Jamie grumbled. "So unfair."

"Yeah well you can sulk on the plane." She glanced at her watch. "Speaking of which I think we better get going."

Robbie felt the smile start to slide from his face and he had to force himself to smile again. "Does your old man get a hug then?" he asked.

Jamie gave a brief nod. "Suppose, but be quick, don't want anyone seeing."

"You don't know anyone here," Robbie pointed out.

"Eh, we don't know that," he replied, before stepping forward and giving his Dad a brief hug before all but jumping back.

"Take it next time I should just ask for a handshake?" Robbie asked, acting as though that all too brief hug hadn't stung like hell.

"Nut, handshakes are for-"

"Jamie!" Gaby warned him sharply.

"Fuck sake," he muttered.

Gaby slapped his arm. "You're not too old for me to box your ears, just you remember that."

He had the decency to look slightly ashamed, muttering, "Sorry Mum."

"That's fine, just don't bother repeating it." Gaby turned and pecking Robbie's cheek told him, "I'll call when we get to my sister's place."

"Ok," Robbie nodded, he turned to his son. "Have fun, and behave yourself for your Mum."

Jamie shuffled on his feet. "I will. Bye Dad."

"You know you can call or come visit anytime you like."

Looking at doubtful at that, Jamie replied awkwardly, "Yeah, I know."

The three of them lingered for a moment, the air tense until finally Gaby placed her hand on Jamie's shoulder. "Come on, we have to go. Goodbye, Robbie."

"Bye." He watched as they walked towards the security area, waving when Jamie turned to look back at him and making himself give the boy a reassuring grin. He saw Jamie give a small quirk of a smile before turning away again. Robbie stood and watched them get smaller and smaller until they disappeared into the crowd and even the top of their heads as disappeared. And yet still he stayed where he was, hoping for one last glimpse or one last wave; there wasn't any, and after a few moments he finally turned and walked away, his heart heavy and his head aching.

* * *

"Well I think we can all see that you're having a boy," Stuart told Jackie with a smirk, tapping her new scan photo knowingly.

"That's a leg," Jackie replied dryly, trying not to laugh.

"What! Really?" Stuart brought the picture closer up to his face, squinting at it. "Are you sure?"

"Positive. I already told you I didn't want to know what I'm having, I want it to be a surprise. And look, there's their foot, attached to the leg."

"Oh...it's a bit of a blurry photo."

"It's meant to be, it's an ultrasound."

"Did you not want one of the 3d ones where you can see every detail of their face?"

"They're not routinely offered on the NHS," she told him. "And anyway, those things give me the heebie jeebies."

"I can't believe you're already halfway through."

"I know," Jackie replied, her hand resting on her bump. "Although it still feels like I have ages to wait."

"It'll fly by, and you'll be a mum before you know it."

Jackie paled slightly. "I know, it's a lot to take in."

"You bought anything yet?"

"Nope, I thought I'd wait until I get to about seven months, don't want to jinx anything by getting everything too early."

"Never pegged you for superstitious."

"I'm not," she shrugged, "And I know it sounds stupid but everything's went so well so far, the baby's healthy and everything's normal that I almost feel like something has to go wrong."

Stuart shook his head. "That's ridiculous."

"Oh I know that," she replied with a small smile.

"You just need to sit back and relax," he continued. "Enjoy this bit before you have a screaming baby, piles of dirty nappies and sleepless nights to contend with."

"You do remember you're meant to be reassuring me," she told him.

"And I'm not?"

"Not particularly."

"Oh...Ok." He studied her bump for a moment and announced, "I think it's a girl." His eyes narrowed again. "Maybe...yeah, yeah a girl, definitely."

Jackie laughed. "Well I honestly have no idea."

"And you don't mind?"

"Nope."

"Any names yet?"

"Stuart, I haven't even picked out a cot, or painted the spare room. You really think I've thought of a name?"

"So we're sticking with it or them for just now then?"

"It is a bit impersonal," she admitted. "But I always find it a bit weird to name a baby before you've even seen them, what if they don't suit the name?"

"You change it," Stuart replied, struggling not to laugh.

"They can here you in there you know, they'd be used to that name."

"I give up," he sighed, his arms flapping to his side. "I still think it's a girl though." He looked up and asked, "What about you, Robbie, girl or boy?"

Jackie looked over to where Robbie had just stomped into the office, dropping into his chair, his face set into a dark glower. He looked up and asked irritably, "What?"

Despite the ire on his colleagues face, Stuart persisted, "Jackie's baby, girl or boy? I'm thinking girl."

Her smile fading at Robbie's glare, and placing the scan photo carefully into her desk drawer she remarked dryly, "Stuart, less than ten minutes ago you thought it was a boy because you mistook it's leg for something else entirely."

"With those photos it's hard to tell what's what," Stuart protested. "So come on, Robbie we can get a bet on the go, sex, weight and date of birth."

"You're not using my unborn child to make money," Jackie protested, unable to stop herself from laughing.

"I'm not interested in betting," Robbie grumbled. He looked over at Jackie and asked, "You had another scan then?"

"I did," she replied, a smile on her face at the thought of how much their baby had grown since the last time.

"Everything alright?"

"Perfect," she told him gently.

He opened his mouth as if he were about to say something and then his eyes sliding to Stuart he stopped himself, instead getting to his feet. "Need coffee," he mumbled, not bothering to offer the others anything as he normally would have done.

He slammed his coffee mug onto the counter, he'd wanted to say more, wanted to express more interest, but Gaby's words from earlier ringing in his ears. He was too selfish to be a good father, he didn't want Jackie to resent him in the way that Gaby did, and he didn't want this baby to be just as dismissive of his presence as Jamie was. Rubbing at his forehead he grimaced, this was why he'd agreed to the original agreement, because it didn't leave room for resentment, Jackie knew what she'd signed up for and the baby would just see him as one of their Mum's friends. It should be perfect, it shouldn't leave him feeling so confused and yet it did.

Hearing a small cough, Robbie turned and saw Jackie standing in the doorway. "Are you ok?"

"Fine," he replied shortly. "Just back from the airport."

"Oh." She moved closer to him, her hand resting on his arm. "I'm sorry, Robbie, I didn't know."

"Didn't want to talk about it," he admitted. "Still don't," he told her. "Because he didn't, not even with her, didn't want to voice what Gaby had said.

"Ok," she nodded. "You want me to go?"

"No," he answered unthinkingly, sighing at his own indecision he asked her, "You want some tea?"

"Yeah, sounds good."

He leaned back against the counter, watching her as he waited for the kettle to boil. "So you decided you want it to be a surprise then?"

"Yeah, I figured that's one of the biggest moments and I wanted to save it until the last possible moment."

"Fair enough...and everything's really ok?"

"It really is, baby's perfect."

"You went on your own again?" he asked, turning his attention back to the countertop and their two mugs, knowing he'd feel guilty no matter what her reply was.

"I did, Alison, my sister in law offered to come with me, but," she shrugged. "I don't know I preferred the idea of just getting on with it."

"So you told your family then?" He turned back to her, handing her over her mug.

Inclining her head down she replied, "I can't exactly hide it anymore, can I?"

"No, suppose not, you are quite big."

"Normally I'd deck you for a comment like that, but I'm perfectly happy with my bump."

"Means sprout's growing alright," he commented.

"Sprout?" she echoed, a smile pulling at her face.

"Yeah, thought it sounded better than it," Robbie replied.

"It does," she admitted.

They lapsed into silence for a few moments before Robbie asked, "So what did you tell them? You know when they asked about who the Dad is."

"I told Alison I used a sperm donor, she freaked out and insisted that I just keep quiet about that to the rest of them. So all they know is I'm pregnant and I'm not about to start playing happy families. They're not happy about it, but then they were never going to be," she replied with a casual shrug. "And they'll get over it soon enough."

"But they are supporting you?" Robbie asked, pressing forward with his line of enquiry.

"Of course," she reassured him. "Alison's even offered to be there at the birth."

"You thinking about it?"

"I've already agreed," she told him, "I have no problem going to a scan on my own but I don't fancy childbirth without someone's hand to squeeze to bits."

"Good...I mean I'm glad that you won't be alone for that part." He'd missed Jamie's birth as well, he thought bitterly, although that had been down to Gaby needing an emergency c-section, proof that even when he'd tried to do things the right way it backfired in his face. But if he was going to separate himself from this baby then he couldn't offer to be there, it wouldn't work that way.

"Yeah...well, like I said at the time, I knew I'd have them supporting me, regardless of how unhappy they might be if they knew some of my decisions," she stated wryly. "Anyway-" she cut off abruptly, her hand going to her stomach. "Oh!"

He lurched forward instinctively. "What is it?" he asked anxiously. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she reassured him, grabbing his hand unthinkingly and pressing it to her stomach. "The baby just moved, I mean they've moved before but this was different it was like a proper kick."

"I don't-" He stopped when he felt a small movement against his hand, slightly stronger than a flick but not by much.

He looked up into Jackie's smiling face. "Did you feel it?" she asked enthusiastically.

"Yeah," he replied, grinning despite of himself. "I did. Looks like Sprout's going to be a footballer."

"Or ballerina," she corrected him.

"They can do whatever they want. You do know that you'll be moaning in a few weeks about them battering you from the inside out."

"Doesn't mean I won't secretly love every second," she retorted, her smile still firmly in place.

His hand stayed on her stomach, his fingers curling slightly to caress her through her shirt. "Yeah, make the most of this bit. They grow up quick."

Her hand covered his, her gaze softening as she tilted her face to look into his. "Robbie, I know you said that you didn't want to talk about today, but if you've changed your mind-"

"What's going on in here?" Burke's voice cut through the moment, his gaze flickering suspiciously between the pair of them.

Robbie jerked his hand away as though he'd suddenly been scalded. It was Jackie who cut in as the voice of reason, as always, quickly replying, "I felt the baby kick for the first time, wanted to share the excitement."

"Ah," Burke nodded, seemingly appeased, although his face retained a sliver of suspicion. "Robbie, a word in my office if you don't mind," he crooked his finger in the direction of his office.

"Yeah, sure," he stated, making to follow Burke. He felt Jackie's hand reach for his and give it one last reassuring squeeze, and he couldn't help but return it before continuing on his way.

Letting the door fall shut behind him with a soft snick, Robbie turned to Burke asking, "What's this about?"

Settling back into his chair, Burke replied, "I just wanted to check how this morning went."

"You mean waving my son off, quite possibly forever?" he asked bitterly. "Aye, it was grand."

"Might not have been easy, but was it the right thing for Jamie?"

Robbie ducked his head, not wanting to make eye contact as he answered, "Yeah...yeah it was, doesn't mean I have to like it though."

"Course not, one of the pitfalls of parenting." He crossed his hands across his stomach and added carefully, "Must be difficult, watching your family leave, seeing it all come to an end when at the same time Jackie's just starting out."

Robbie felt his stomach flip uncomfortably, just another reminder that his days of having a family didn't have to end. "I don't see it like that."

"Right...good, just I know you two are close and I don't want any wires getting crossed."

He gritted his teeth. "They won't." He didn't feel the need to mention that the wires were so tangled they resembled spaghetti junction, and they were treating the line between lovers and friends slash colleagues in the same way they would a jump rope.

"Glad to hear it," Burke replied firmly. "Let's just keep it that way then."

"No plans to change it."


	11. Chapter 11

**Thank you for the reviews.**

**Sorry you had to wait for this chapter, my shift pattern is beyond horrific. I know where I'm taking this though so rest assured it won't be abandoned.**

* * *

"Being a police officer must be so exciting," Rachel trilled as she leaned forward across the restaurant table, making sure that her cleavage had the best showing possible.

"There's a lot more paperwork than you'd think," Robbie replied curtly. Normally he'd exaggerate the danger in his job on dates, do his upmost to impress, but tonight he just didn't seem to be on form. in fact he wasn't even sure he was even trying.

Rachel however seemed determined to try again, her hand curling around his wrist as she added, "But I mean being an Inspector, that must mean you're pretty good at catching the bad guys."

"I work as part of a great time," he replied. He watched as a flicker of frustration crossed her face and he almost wanted to curse himself out, what was he doing? This was his first date with a woman in a year, and when he added in the fact he hadn't had sex for the last five months of that year, he should be bringing his A game to this date, should be determined to get her into bed, and yet his enthusiasm for the chase had yet to rear its head.

He let his gaze travel over his date for the evening, she was an attractive red head, mid thirties and thin as a rake with breasts he was pretty sure would turn out to be fake, but she was attractive and raring to go, which made her his ideal. Or rather had made her his ideal, because as much as he missed sex, he wasn't wanting it with her. He wanted Jackie.

He repressed the urge to let out a frustrated groan at his predicament, he'd thought, he'd hoped that this need for the one woman would fade when he got back out there again. After all this was what he was good at, screwing around and getting numerous women into bed, and if he didn't have that then what was he left with?

Not wanting to dwell on that question, he took a large gulp of his wine, almost choking on it when he felt Rachel's bare foot slip underneath the cuff of his trousers, rubbing suggestively at his ankle. He was even more disturbed to find that her obvious lust was leaving him utterly stone cold. "We could take this elsewhere," she suggested, her fingers now tracing abstract patterns across the back of his hand.

Robbie gently wrapped his hand around hers and moved it, placing it back onto the table. "I don't think that would be a good idea," he replied calmly. He didn't want sex with Rachel, no matter how much he might want to want it and he couldn't make himself go through with it just for the sake of it. What he really wanted was to be back where he was six months ago, before Jackie had found out she was pregnant, but he knew it just wouldn't work. What he wanted, what he could manage, was an uncomplicated, no strings relationship – or if he was really honest, just great sex – and Jackie didn't want that.

Turning his attention back to his date, he saw Rachel's lips settling into a disappointed pout. "You'll regret it," she told him.

"You're probably right," he laughed wryly, he most likely would regret this lapse in judgement when he came back to his senses.

"You know I'm not looking for anything serious if that's what you're worried about."

Robbie let out a rush of breath, she was saying exactly he wanted to hear and yet still he was feeling nothing. "I know that," he replied.

"And it's still a no?" She looked at him in disbelief before shaking her head and slumping back in her chair. "Well you're definitely getting the check now," she told him.

He couldn't help but laugh, at least she had a sense of humour. "That seems fair enough."

* * *

It had to be said that the uniforms in the police were not flattering on pretty much any form, the material too cheap and the cut completely unforgiving, almost no-one looked good in them. Although, Jackie realised as she tilted her head slightly behind her computer screen that when the new, young male PC bent over, that cheap material still clung to his bum in a way she couldn't help but appreciate.

She shook her head, she was beginning to think like Robbie, she was ogling a man who was fifteen years her junior for crying out loud! It was her hormones, she reasoned with herself, it had to be, she'd been feeling 'edgy' for a few weeks now and at least she was only looking, she wasn't actually planning on doing anything. But oh God what she wouldn't do to get laid right about now! She had to force herself to look away before someone noticed she was staring at him in the same way she was currently eying up steaks.

Somewhat reluctantly she ripped her eyes away and just to remove herself fully from temptation, pushed herself to her feet and made for the kitchen. She'd have a cup of tea, it was nowhere near as satisfying as sex would be right about now but at least it was plausible.

Rattling the kettle and slamming it into place, Jackie let out a frustrated sigh as she leaned back against the kitchen counter. "What did that kettle ever do to you?" Robbie's amused voice asked her from the doorway.

Letting out a small noise of annoyance, Jackie swung round to face him. "I just felt like inflicting a small piece of damage on something and since knocking your and Stuart's heads together wasn't an option I settled for taking it out on the kettle," she told him, crossing her arms across her bump.

"Ah." Robbie rocked back on his heels and dug his hands into his pockets as he looked at her speculatively, asking, "And why do you feel the need to wreck the station?"

"Because I six months pregnant with what appears to be a baby acrobat," Jackie lied through gritted teeth.

"And here was me thinking it was because you weren't getting any," he remarked calmly.

Her expression darkened even further. "I don't remember asking for your opinion."

"It's probably the hormones," he continued, completely undeterred by her irritated reaction.

Jackie rubbed at her forehead. "Robbie," she growled warningly. "Unless you have a point then I suggest you let this subject drop because I'm seriously not in the mood."

"Well then you're in luck, because I happen to have a suggestion," he told her with a grin. "Why don't you let me help you out with your little problem?" He shifted closer to her, smirking at the hitch in her breathing that he prompted from her. "A bit of stress relief, would be beneficial for both of us, and we already knew how good it would be," he added, his fingertips brushing against her wrist.

She looked at him suspiciously, "You went out on a date with that accountant last night, so what could you possibly want with me?"

"Thought I'd made myself clear."

"Unlike you I'm being serious. She's exactly what you normally go for, I'm currently a blimp, a very hormonal blimp and I wasn't exactly your type before that either."

"And look how great it was between us." Robbie let go of her wrist and slumped against the wall. "Look if it helps nothing happened with Rachel, I went out with her because I've kind of been out of the game since we were...involved. Everything with Jamie and Gaby screwed up my head and it wasn't exactly successful."

Jackie stayed silent for a few moments while she considered her options, the sensible thing to do would be to say no, she'd been close to falling for him the first time round and had been about to back out of their deal. The problem was that she wanted him, she knew she shouldn't let her hormones rule over her decision making but all she could think about was having him inside her again. She couldn't help but replay the way he'd made her feel and God she wanted to feel like that again, she could already feel her skin starting to flush. "Just stress relief?" she asked finally.

"Uh huh, no strings, nothing between us changes."

"Just one night this time," she told him firmly. "Things between us are complicated enough, so let's just scratch the itch and then move on." If they went back to what they'd had before then she'd never be able to pull herself away, she'd end up heartbroken and alone.

"Fine, one night," Robbie agreed. "Maybe this was what they needed, what he needed rather. After all things between them had ended so abruptly, so one more night to make the most of her, to say goodbye to what they had would no doubt get him right back on track. He just needed to get her out of his system, and then he'd be back to his old self. "Tonight," he added firmly. He didn't want to wait any longer, he'd waited long enough after all.

"We'll meet at mine after work."

"Ah," he smirked, "We're doing the old following you home trick."

"It's worked well for us in the past," she replied with a smile of her own. "So do we have a plan?"

"Of course we do." He leaned forward and gave her an innocent looking kiss on the cheek that still sent her heart rate soaring. "I can't wait."

* * *

She barely had her front door key in the lock when she heard Robbie's footsteps run up the concrete steps behind her, his hands wrapping around her hips as he starting kissing up the side of her neck. Jackie felt her knees weaken already, it had been so long and the feel of him pressed against her back, knowing what was going to come next was a heady experience. "We need to be inside for this," she breathed out.

"Hurry up and open the damn door then," he murmured against her skin.

"I can't concentrate when you do that, you know I can't."

He drew his lips away from her neck, instead resting his forehead against her hair, his hands slipping underneath her top, caressing her sides. Taking a deep breath Jackie forced herself to steady her hands so that she could finally unlock the door.

The second they were inside and the front door was shut, Jackie whirled round and pulled Robbie to her, her mouth finding his. They stumbled towards her bedroom, their mouths only breaking apart so that Robbie could wrench Jackie's top over her head, his hands instantly cupping her swollen breasts, caressing them as she gasped and writhed in his embrace.

She pushed him down onto the bed, standing for a second as she panted and stared down at him, his shirt was open, his trousers undone but still on. The clasp to her own trousers was open and as Robbie pushed himself into sitting position, his eyes dark as he watched her. She pushed them to the ground and moved forward, straddling him. She was so desperate for him, had thought about this so much for most of the afternoon that she didn't need the foreplay.

Her mouth was on his again and she felt him nip at her bottom lip, her hands shook as she pushed his boxers down his hips. She felt him nudge at her entrance and she surged down as he thrust up, letting out a moan as he filled her.

Pushing her hands against his shoulder so that he fell back against the bed so that her bump didn't slow things down, and she ran her fingers through the smattering of hair on his chest as she moved furiously against him. One of his hands gripped her hip, the other slipping between them, caressing her, sending her excitement spiralling up another notch. "So close," she panted.

Bringing his knees up, Robbie kept his fingers moving against her clit used them to tilt her hips slightly, changing the angle he was rubbing against her at. Her muscles clenched around him as she moaned, her orgasm washing over her. She kept moving her hips though, determined to pull him over the edge, it didn't take long and she heard him groan, watched his eyes squeeze shut as he held her tightly, his hips jerking.

After a few moments, Jackie carefully let herself fall to the side, unable to suppress a smile when Robbie pulled her into his side. "You alright?" he asked her. "Wasn't too rough?"

"No, it was perfect," she replied, pushing her hair off her face. "And before you ask, no you didn't hurt me either."

"Good." He turned onto his side so that he could look at her, unable to help but grin at her flushed, dishevelled appearance. He ran his hand somewhat apprehensively over her bump – unused to touching it – as he asked, "So Sprout-"

"Is most likely fast asleep," she interrupted him. "They're well padded in there, Robbie."

"Right." His grin returned as he looked at her. "So perfect huh?"

"It definitely took the edge off, although the night is young," she turned her head and kissed his shoulder. "Plenty of time for us to scratch the itch completely," she added.

He let out a dry laugh, "And I'm the one who's unromantic?"

"This is a one night deal, I'm not sure we have the time for romance."

"There's always time for romance."

She gave him a sardonic glance. "We didn't even get around to taking your trousers off."

"Easily fixed," he told her confidently, kicking his trousers and boxers off his legs and onto the floor. "Right, so romance, where do you keep the candles?"

"In a kitchen drawer with the rose petals," she replied before laughing and lightly slapping his shoulder. "Clichés don't always count as romance you know."

"Ah," he nodded solemnly before stating, "Well then I'm stumped."

She laughed, watching as his face creased as he burst into laughter as well. He kissed her deeply as he tried to manoeuvre himself on top of her, only to find that her bump made it impossible for him to get as close to her as he wanted. The kiss broke as another peel of laughter escaped Jackie's lips. "You've got no chance," she told him.

"I'm beginning to see that," he replied, before adding with a casual shrug. "We can make this work another way."

She looked at him unsurely, her self confidence suddenly knocked, she knew her shape had changed, knew it wasn't anything near to what he went in for – in fact even before her pregnancy she hadn't been his type – and she wouldn't really be that surprised to find that he wasn't overly keen. "You know," she started awkwardly, "If you don't want this...I mean if you've realised that this isn't for you then I'll understand."

He frowned at her in confusion. "Why wouldn't this be for me?"

Jackie gestured at her stomach, now feeling a bit uncomfortable about being uncovered and naked in front of him. "Well my figure's not what it was," she replied her voice shaking slightly. "I look like a blimp."

"You don't look like a blimp," he tried to reassure her. "And I want you." He saw the look of scepticism on her face and pulled her as close into him as her bump would allow. "I can't stop thinking about you." His mouth lowered to her collarbone as he continued, murmuring against her skin, "About how good we are together. And as for your figure," he gave a ragged sigh as one hand cupped her breast, his thumb stroking across her nipple. "You have no idea how much time I spend staring at these at work, I'm incredibly behind on my paperwork because of it."

Jackie managed a breathy laugh as she arched into his touch. "You're always behind on your paperwork, I'm not taking the blame for that."

"My point is, you're not a blimp, his other hand slid over her stomach for a moment before returning to her hip. "So you're pregnant, it doesn't change the fact that I want you. Now since we've only got one night can we please get back to the sex?"

She smiled, her hand cupping the back of his neck, tipping his head closer to her as she murmured, "Well if you insist..."

* * *

Robbie gave a small groan of protest as he started to wake up, keeping his eyes shut, he reached his hand out to where Jackie should be lying, perturbed when all he found was an empty space. His eyes blinking open he saw that she definitely wasn't there.

Yawning, he sat up and gave a stretch as he got to his feet, pulling on his boxers. He wasn't happy about her being up already, he wanted the most time possible with her. He had wanted more than one night but if that was all he was getting then he was going to make the most of it, because he still didn't have her out of his system.

He found her in the kitchen, perched on a stool wearing an oversized t-shirt and eating out of a jar of olives. She looked up at him somewhat guiltily. "Craving," she told him quietly, "Couldn't sleep for it."

"You crave olives?" he asked, his nose wrinkling at the half full jar.

"At the moment, yeah, although I also have a thing for red meat, a few days ago I would have killed for a steak."

"The steak I can understand, those are hardly a snack food," he laughed.

"There are now." She tilted the jar towards him, adding, "I take it you don't want one then?"

"Nope, I'm going to pass on that generous offer." He jumped up onto the stool next to hers and asked, "You wake up a lot with these cravings?"

"No, not that often, last week I woke up desperate for a banana and some fizzy water."

"Can't you crave something we'd both enjoy, like curry or a pizza?" he asked.

"I don't really seem to get a say in the matter," she replied. "Although tell you what if I wake up one day at 3am desperate for takeout I'll call you and issue an invite."

"That's all I ask," he replied jokingly. "Now." He took the jar of olives out of her hand, placing them on the counter. "Can we get back to the evening's main event?"

"I thought I'd worn you out," she replied teasingly.

"Take a lot more than that," he told her cockily.

"Ah, it's just that the snores were a tad misleading."

"I was just power napping so that I could sweep you off your feet later on again."

"You brought a fork lift then," she answered dryly.

"I can lift you," Robbie insisted.

She slapped his hands away as he reached for her. "Don't even try it," she laughed, "I'm not explaining to Burke why you cannae walk tomorrow."

"You're overestimating your weight, I'm in great shape."

"Well I have no complaints." She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him deeply, forcing herself to break the kiss to add, "But I'm still walking myself to the bedroom."

* * *

As the sun broke the next morning it was Robbie who woke first, this time with Jackie in his arms, her back pressed against his chest. Shifting he brushed a stray strand of hair away from her cheek, his hand sliding against her stomach as he leaned over her, jerking back when he felt a firm kick against his hand.

Quickly looking up at Jackie to see if the kick had disturbed her, he let out a sigh of relief when he saw she was still fast asleep. He pressed his hand against her stomach again, a smile crossing his face when he felt the baby move again. Shuffling slightly so that his face was closer to his bump he whispered quietly, "Hey, Sprout, I'm your Dad, although I'm a bit of screw up so you won't really see that much of me. I'll be the best Uncle I can though, not that it's much of a consolation," he murmured as an afterthought. "But you'll have your Mum and I know she'll make up for the fact that I'm shit. I do love you though kid, it's just that you're better off without me."

He felt Jackie shift and he looked up, relieved to see that she was still asleep. Moving back up again he kept his hand on her stomach, there was something reassuring about knowing that no matter what happened there would always be this link between him and Jackie.

It was another few minutes before she woke up, smiling up at him as she said, "Good morning."

"Morning...I should probably get going now though, considering the night's over," he replied, not wanting to outstay his welcome.

Jackie shifted uncomfortably, "I was thinking that maybe the night could end after we'd had breakfast, you know continue it until we leave the flat."

If it gave him more time with her he wasn't exactly going to turn it down. "That's the best idea I've heard since you first suggested this."

* * *

Jackie watched, smiling over her cup of tea as Robbie pottered about her kitchen, making her breakfast – at his own insistence. It felt right, it felt like he belonged here and she realised just how much she'd missed having him around.

It was almost unsettling, that to an outsider this would be the perfect picture of domesticity, and that's what she really craved, and yet in reality it was the most screwed up situation she'd ever been in. Which was exactly why this was her last hit, her heart couldn't keep taking these batterings and she couldn't bring her baby into this, it would be wrong.

All she wanted though was for him to turn around and tell her they would make it work, that she and the baby were worth that effort. He wasn't going to though, so it had to end, today.


	12. Chapter 12

**Thanks for the reviews :) **

**I'll try not to be too long with the next update but because of work I can't promise anything,**

* * *

Staring forlornly down at the dubious soup he'd picked up from the canteen, Stuart asked the group, "So what's everyone doing this weekend?"

Robbie shrugged. "Footie and the pub I suppose, the usual Saturday fare."

"And then sleeping off the hangover on Sunday morning no doubt," Burke snorted. He turned to the youngest member of his team and added in a grumble, "And what I do with my weekend has nothing to do with you lot, thank God."

The three of them shared a smile as Burke headed back to the sanctuary of his office. "Such a people person," Jackie remarked in amusement.

Stuart gave a chuckle. "So what about you, Jackie, what are you up to?"

"Painting my spare room," she replied. "I don't think I can leave it much longer, I still need to buy a cot and assemble everything, pretty much put the whole room together and I only have another ten weeks to get everything done." She looked slightly harassed as she continued, "I really should have started earlier, I'm not even slightly ready."

"Bet you're regretting the whole superstition thing now," Stuart replied.

"A bit," she admitted. "But I'm sure I can blitz the painting this weekend and then I'm going shopping for furniture, the pram and the car-seat the week after so I should have everything sorted within the next couple of weeks. Fingers crossed."

Robbie cut across the conversation, a frown on his face as he asked, "Are you meant to paint while you're pregnant?"

"I checked it out, and as long as I don't overstrain myself, buy odourless paint and keep the room well ventilated it's fine for me to do it."

"And how are you planning on reaching the top of the wall?"

"By using a miraculous invention called a ladder," she told him sarcastically.

His frown deepened, in fact he looked downright indignant as he shot back, "You shouldn't be climbing ladders, you're six and a half months pregnant."

"Is that what this swelling is? I'd been wondering about that."

"I'm being serious; you should be taking it easy."

"The room isn't going to paint itself."

"Hire someone then," he growled with such irritation that even Stuart shot him a curious look.

Jackie sighed in exasperation, if he kept this up with this kind of reaction to the smallest of things people were going to start asking questions. "Hiring someone to paint would be a waste of money, if I was wallpapering then I would get someone else to do it, but as things stand I'm still perfectly capable of wielding a paint brush."

"I don't think it's a good idea," he repeated mulishly.

"Well no one asked you," Jackie snapped.

"Someone has to point out how insane you're being."

Stuart's eyes widened slightly, his two friends were on the verge of a massive argument and he hated it when they fought, because after the fight came the sniping and the sulking, he wasn't sure if he could handle that for the next few days. So cutting in he asked, "What colour are you painting the room? You know since you don't know what you're having."

"Green," Jackie replied distractedly, still glaring at Robbie. "I thought about yellow but I felt that was more girly."

"Sounds nice," Stuart answered. "You accessorising it?"

Finally turning her attention back to Stuart, she told him, "I will be, but I've not decided what with yet."

"A ton of cuddly toys and brightly coloured pictures will probably do the trick."

Jackie smiled at the younger man. "Most likely, all of which I still have to buy." She frowned. "Should I have bought the baby toys by now do you think? Or clothes?"

"I have no idea if there's a timetable for that sort of thing, Robbie what do you think? You should know after all."

"Why the hell would I know?" Robbie demanded. He felt on edge, he knew that this was what they'd planned but he didn't like Jackie doing everything by herself, didn't like the idea that it might be putting extra strain on her.

"Well I just thought that maybe you knew from when you and Gaby had Jamie," Stuart answered nervously. There was an undercurrent here between his two friends, there was something going on that he didn't know anything about and he didn't like it.

"Wasn't exactly around much," Robbie admitted reluctantly. "Got no idea how she planned things."

Stuart had no idea how to reply to that, and since Robbie had obviously decided to clam up on the subject and Jackie was currently looking at Robbie with the oddest expression on her face, he decided it was best just to let the whole thing drop. In fact he kind of wished he'd never mentioned it in the first place.

* * *

Jackie was just about to peel off the lid to the white paint she was planning to use as her base coat when her doorbell rang. For a moment she debated not answering, she didn't know who it could be and she was too busy to deal with cold callers. That being said if one of her family had decided to drop by then not answering would just open a whole new can of worms, all of her relatives were smothering her in a misguided attempt to make up for the fact she was doing this by herself.

Sighing she threw her unused paintbrush to one side and headed for the door, deciding that if it was in fact a cold caller she'd be shutting the door in their face. It wasn't a cold caller, it was Robbie who was standing somewhat sheepishly on the other side. "She eyed him suspiciously, "You better not have dropped by just to argue with me," she warned him.

"I haven't," he assured her. "I came to give you this." He held out a gift bag, looking nervous as she took it.

Jackie opened it and she couldn't help but smile as she pulled out a teddy bear, in fact she was verging on tearful. "Oh, Robbie," she muttered, looking up at him.

"Every kid needs a bear," he replied, his hands now firmly in his pockets.

"That's very true, and you've just got them their very first present, or belonging even. It's perfect, Robbie, really it is." She threw her arms around him, hugging him close to her, why couldn't he be like this all the time?

"And I had another idea as well," he replied, drawing back from her slightly.

"I just hope it's as good as your last one," Jackie laughed. "So come on then, let's hear it."

Taking a deep breath in, unsure of how she would take this, Robbie suggested, "I thought I'd do the painting for you this weekend."

Her eyes narrowed, her voice low as she asked, "What do you mean paint for me?"

He damn well knew she'd stick her heels in about this, he realised now though that the trick was not to get irritated and to keep calm. "Look, I know that you've done your research and it's safe for you to do it yourself but like they say why have a dog and bark yourself?"

"Robbie, why are you so bothered by this?" She asked with a sigh.

"Because there's still a risk and I don't want you taking it, not if you don't have to." He reached out and took her hand, squeezing her fingers. "Jackie, I just don't want anything to happen."

"It won't," she insisted.

"Just humour me on this, at least it means you can put your feet up and I'll do all the hard work."

Jackie rolled her eyes. "When you put it like that how can I refuse?"

"You can't," he replied as he slid past her, further into her hallway.

"I could still help you know, paint the wall that's at my level."

"No, not needed, I'll do the whole thing, have it done by tomorrow evening."

"And if you don't after you've made all this fuss, I'll lynch you," she warned him.

"Always nice to have a prior warning of things to come," he replied wryly, a grin tugging at his lips. "So do you want my keys then?"

Jackie's eyes widened as she looked at him in surprise, "Why would I want your keys?"

"So you have somewhere to go while I do this," he told her as though it should be the most obvious thing in the world to her.

"I have somewhere to go, it's called the rest of the flat," she replied as though she were talking to a small child.

"What about the fumes?"

"The paint's odourless."

"Why take the risk?"

"If you say that one more time," Jackie growled, "I will brain you and plead insanity on account of my hormones. Anyway your flat is a complete tip."

"I cleaned, especially for you going to stay."

"I'm not moving into your flat!" She was staring at him now as though he'd gone completely mad, in fact she wasn't sure he hadn't.

"Not moving in, staying, in the spare room. I'll even bring you dinner back tonight, what are you wanting?"

Jackie rubbed at her temples. "Robbie, I feel like you're not listening."

"I am, I'm just choosing to ignore it. Come on I've stocked up my cupboards with tea, that water you like, olives, fruit and some chocolate just in case you feel like eating something more normal. There's even actual food in there as well."

"You're making me feel bad about saying no now," she complained, beginning to feel the overwhelming urge to stamp her foot in frustration.

"Good, so say yes and take the bloody keys, if it helps I'll bring back some steak and cook that for dinner tonight."

"Rump steak?"

"If that's what you want."

"You'll never get to the butchers if you're going to be painting all day, which is what you'll need to do to have any hope of being finished tomorrow."

"I'll manage."

Sighing, Jackie took the proffered keys out of his hands, telling him, "Fine, I'll stay at yours, but I'll get the steak and all the accompaniments for dinner tonight."

"Fine," he agreed with a triumphant grin, as long as she was agreeing to let him do all the manual work he was fine with almost anything else. "You and Sprout go and take it easy."

"Doesn't look like we're getting a choice."

Laughing, he unthinkingly leant down and kissed her cheek. He drew back and coughed awkwardly, rubbing at the back of his neck as he mumbled, "Well, better let you go then, after all like you said that room won't paint itself."

"Yeah, I'll see you later," she replied, trying to pretend as though that kiss, his overall closeness to her had absolutely no effect on her.

* * *

Heading straight to the shops, Jackie bought dinner first before deciding that since she had some unexpected free time on her hands she should really get started on buying things for the baby, even if she just bought a few essentials and left the big bulky things to next week when she had Ally with her, it would at least still be a start. Ditching the food in her car boot, she headed into the nearest baby store and walked immediately into her worst nightmare.

There were couples everywhere, all cooing over the tiny items of clothing and laughing and joking over almost every single item in the shop. She felt her stomach drop, it must just be sod's law she decided that she chose the day where they all came out in force to start her shopping.

Swallowing back her discomfort, Jackie walked over to the first rack of clothes and started looking through the small outfits. Everything on this display was white, pure sparkling white, which in her opinion was really just asking for trouble with a newborn. She knew that she didn't know what she was having but she really wasn't that keen on white, they'd do for bodysuits though she supposed.

Her nose wrinkled, white was so dull though, yes they might still be sweet because they were so small but the other clothes had so much more personality. Maybe she should have found out what she was having, it certainly would have made this part easier.

Hearing an almost shrill giggle, Jackie looked to her right to see a young couple comparing sleep-suits, the man holding one against her large bump. "You're not going to be able to tell by that," the girl laughed. "Especially not with the amount of pizza I've eaten recently."

"I'm trying, better than just staring vacantly," he replied, his hand caressing her stomach as he spoke.

Jackie looked away, placing the bodysuit in her hand back onto the rail, suddenly what her baby wore didn't seem that important anymore. She felt like someone had punched her in the chest, watching the way that man had stared at that bump with so much love and adoration had made her realise once and for all that she'd deprived her baby of that. Robbie would never be that involved.

Getting into the car, for a moment Jackie didn't know where to go, she couldn't go back to Robbie's flat when she felt like this, she didn't want to wallow in a place that was filled with his life. After a moment's thought she started the engine and pulled out of the car park.

* * *

"I thought you said you were busy this weekend," Alison stated, as she opened her front door to find Jackie standing there.

"I was, I was going to paint the baby's room."

"You change your mind?"

"Someone else is doing it."

"Oh, you hired someone? Quite right," she grinned, "after all why do all that work yourself when you don't have to?" She stepped out of the doorway, "Come on in, I'll put tea on." Watching as Jackie moved past her, she added, "Are you ok? You look awfully pale."

"I screwed up," Jackie admitted.

Alison's forehead creased in confusion as she watched Jackie sit down at the kitchen table. "Why? What have you done?" she asked, switching the kettle on.

"I've completely screwed up this baby's life."

"Right..." It was most likely hormones that was causing this, Alison decided, but no pregnant woman liked that pointed out to them, so instead she continued in a soft voice, "And how have you done that?"

"By depriving them of a father," Jackie replied.

"This baby will have the love of everyone else in this family, and just because you decided to use a sperm donor, doesn't mean-" Alison stopped abruptly at the look on her face. "What? What haven't you told me?"

"I wasn't completely honest about using a sperm donor," Jackie admitted quietly, she had to speak to someone about this before she went mad she decided, "I came to an...agreement with a friend, I wanted a baby and he agreed to help."

"Ok." Alison breathed out slowly, "so you know the guy, and you agreed to go through IVF using his sperm what I don't understand is why."

"IVF had nothing to do with it."

"You were sleeping together?" she asked calmly.

"Yeah."

"So how exactly is that different from a one night stand?"

"It was longer."

"A fling then," she frowned as she saw Jackie shake her head, "although wait a moment how long did this last for exactly?"

"Six months."

Alison rubbed at her forehead with her fingertips. "Jackie, are you seriously telling me that for six months you were sleeping with this guy just to get pregnant?"

"That's how it started," she replied carefully.

"So what? You'd take one of those tests, have sex when it came up trumps and he'd just leave afterwards?"

"No, it was more complicated than that, we didn't use those tests, we didn't just have sex when it might get me pregnant and we'd see each other outside of the bedroom."

"Jackie, this is starting to sound suspiciously like a relationship to me."

"It was, just neither one of us would admit to it. Then I realised that it was more than just an agreement to me and that I wanted more than just a baby, so I decided to call it off."

Nodding at her prominent bump, Alison remarked dryly, "Well that obviously didn't happen, so what did?"

"I didn't want anything to be odd between us, so I was going to wait until the end of that month and tell him I just couldn't cope with the disappointment every month. That was the month the test came up positive."

"Typical," she snorted. "So it just ended?"

"For a while, we spent the night together a few weeks ago and he's the one who offered to paint the baby's room, I'm meant to be staying at his flat this weekend."

"With him?"

"In separate bedrooms."

"So he's going to be in the baby's life?"

"No, not at all," Jackie replied, "that was part of the original agreement, it just means when they're older they'll have the opportunity to find their Dad. It seemed like a good idea at the time."

"Jackie, this is so screwed up at that I really don't know what to say," Alison admitted. "I mean why the hell are you staying with him this weekend?"

"He insisted, he doesn't want me breathing in the paint fumes."

Alison let out a harried sigh, "So he doesn't want to be part of your life or the baby's but he's insisted on decorating their room and wants you to stay with him? That doesn't exactly sound like a man who wants out."

"I know," Jackie admitted. "The way he acts towards me and the baby sometimes, it makes me think that he does want more, at least to be involved in this kid's life. I gave him a picture of the first scan and at one point he seemed desperate to keep it and then just a few weeks later he gave me it back, said that we were right the first time round and he shouldn't be involved. I don't understand him, at all."

"Have you spoken to him about it? I mean properly sat down and talked about it."

"No."

"I think you might have to. And Jackie if he does tell you he absolutely doesn't want to be a part of this baby's life, that doesn't mean you've screwed it up, this baby will still be loved and that's the most important thing. It's not that unusual for kids to be raised by one parent nowadays so you need to stop worrying about that side of things."

"It's the thought that he should be involved that's bothering me," Jackie admitted with a small sigh.

* * *

"You have paint in your hair," Jackie laughed, brushing her hand over Robbie's tousled mop as he stepped into the kitchen that evening. "Which I hope means everything is going well."

"It is, base coat's done and I even started one wall with the green."

"And the glossing?"

"Did that first."

"I think you might have picked the wrong career path."

"Maybe, you can give me the final verdict tomorrow."

"Oh don't worry, I will," she assured him. "Diner's almost ready by the way."

"Great, it smells amazing and I'm starving."

Slapping his hand as he reached for the spoon that she was using to stir the sauce, she told him, "No, go and wash up first and then we can eat."

"Yes, Ma'am," he mock saluted her with a grin before turning and heading towards the bathroom.

Jackie watched him go and let out a shaky breath as she turned and went back to stirring the sauce, she'd decided earlier that she was going to be calm in approaching this. She wasn't going to put any pressure on Robbie, she was just going to put the offer of being involved on the table. She thought back to the bear he'd given her this morning, of the way he'd given this baby a nickname, was making her take it easy, surely all that proved he cared, maybe he just wanted to be offered a chance?

Robbie appeared just as she was placing the plates onto the table, his hand brushed her hip as he passed her. "That looks even better than it smells, and that is saying something." He pulled out her chair for her, waiting until she was sitting until he dropped down into his seat across from her. "So, how was your day?"

"It was ok, I went shopping for baby clothes."

"You get anything."

"No, not knowing what I'm having limits me to the most boring of clothes."

He paused to look at her. "You wishing you found out now?"

"Little bit," she admitted. "But I still feel like the surprise is a big part of this."

"You might need to put up with the white for a while then."

Her nose wrinkled. "Looks like it." She waited for a moment before asking, "Would you have found out?"

Robbie looked at her in surprise, "What do you mean?"

"Well if you'd been there would you have wanted to know, I mean this is your baby, do you wish you already knew?"

Robbie's eyes slid away from hers. "You know I don't think of this baby that way, we have a deal."

"But if we didn't," she replied easily. "Would you have wanted to know?"

"Maybe," he admitted. "But I reckon if I found out I'd regret ruining the surprise."

"Robbie, I know we have a deal but do you want to be involved?"

His eyes widened. "Jackie, this isn't what we agreed."

"I know that, but I also know that we've already broken the agreement before now."

"You said you didn't want to ship your kid back and forward between two homes," he reminded her.

"I did," she admitted, "but now I'd much rather this baby had two parents who love him or her. I know that you don't love me or want to be with me, Robbie, but I'm not going cut you out of this baby's life just because you don't want a long term relationship. All I ask is that if you say yes to this you give it a proper shot, I know what our shifts are like so I can accept that sometimes plans fall through, but I do need to know that our baby would come first."

Robbie felt the fork drop out of his slackened grasp, hearing it hit his plate with a slight clatter. She thought that he didn't love her and she was still offering him up the chance to be a proper Dad, giving up everything that she'd originally told him she'd wanted. He wanted to take that offer, wanted to tell her that he loved her and the baby, and yet he knew he'd screw it up, just like he'd screwed things up with Gaby and Jamie. "Jackie...I meant what I said when I told you I didn't want to be involved," he replied, unable to quite make eye contact.

Jackie felt her stomach drop at that admission. "But you've gave this baby a nickname, you brought them their first bear and you insisted on painting their room, that shows that you care about them," she pointed out.

"Because you're a friend, I'm trying to be helpful, show my support, that's all. I'd be doing that even if you had followed through with the IVF route." That was the truth; he'd look out for Jackie regardless, but he was about to follow it up with one hell of a lie. "I don't want to play the role of Dad, I thought I'd made that clear."

"Well you certainly have now," she told him quietly, her hand resting on her stomach, feeling the baby shift restlessly. "I'd like my keys back."

He frowned. "But I'll need them for tomorrow."

"No, you won't, I can finish the painting by myself."

"We agreed about this, you should be taking it easy."

"No, you thought I should be taking it easy and I agreed with you only because I thought you cared about the baby, that you were worried about them. I won't accept pity."

"It's not pity, I'm your friend," he returned, exasperation clear in his voice.

"I don't see Stuart offering to decorate the room, or anyone else for that matter. I'm on my own in this, Robbie and that's fine, but if you don't want to be involved then you need to take a big step back and let me get on with my life. You don't get it both ways."

"I'm not allowed to care now then?"

"We agreed on boundaries, and we need to stick to them, the lines are blurring, Robbie, at least they are for me."

He felt his heart race as he stared at her, she was serious. "So what does that mean for us...as friends?"

"I don't think that's a good idea either, I don't think I can separate this as well as I thought I could and I think if we're friends, if we're around each other as much outside work as we have been I think I'll start resenting you for not wanting to be involved. And I know that's not fair because this is what we agreed, but that's how I feel."

He squeezed his eyes shut for a brief second in despair, this was exactly what he hadn't wanted. "Jackie, the whole point of this was for us to be able to stay friends."

"I know, but things don't always work out the way you plan them, Robbie. I'll go and grab my bag, looks like it was a blessing in disguise that I was too lazy to unpack now," she joked weakly as she walked past him and into the spare bedroom.

He stayed in his seat, staring at the now congealing sauce over his steak, it wasn't meant to be like this. He'd got involved in this plan so he wouldn't lose Jackie and now he was about to anyway, and he'd consoled himself with the fact that he'd still be a small part of his kid's life and now it looked as though he wasn't going to be that either. He couldn't seem to win for losing with this situation, he'd backed off because he'd cock it all up and still he was shut out of both their lives.

As he heard the spare room door shut, he stood, turning to face Jackie. "I can carry those bags down for you," he offered.

She shook her head. "It's fine, I was going to give this one back to you anyway," she told him, handing him the gift bag he'd given her earlier.

"Jackie, this was a present for the Sprout."

"And I can't accept it, it'll just remind me of what might have been and anyway it's not like no-one else will ever buy them a teddy bear. Goodbye, Robbie."

He let her go, didn't once try to stop her. When he heard that front door click shut he opened the gift bag and pulled out the bear, dropping onto his sofa as he stared at it. He'd fucked up, again, but he didn't know how to fix it, he couldn't be what she wanted and unlike before she wasn't able to accept what he could be. His grip tightened on the toy and for a brief second he considered lobbing it across the room, but the ironic thing was he couldn't even bring himself to do that, after all it was the only thing he had left of his kid.


	13. Chapter 13

"So that's it?" Alison asked, "He's not going to be involved and you're fine with that? And what is wrong with these instructions! None of this stuff fits!"

"That's not part B, or Slot A for that matter," Jackie replied. "And no I'm not fine with it, but I can't force him to be involved, especially not when I originally promised him no responsibility."

"Maybe he'll change his mind when the baby's born, when he sees them for the first time. Sometimes I think it's not real to certain men until they can see the baby, or even hold them."

"Maybe he will," Jackie sighed. "But I'm not going to get my hopes up, I did that before and look where it got me."

"Yeah, well like they say don't count your chickens before they hatch. He might yet still surprise you."

"I don't really want to talk about it anymore," she admitted. "So where do you think I should hang this picture?"

"That wall over there. This room's really starting to come together now."

"Yeah, I only need the cot assembled now," Jackie replied pointedly with a wry smile.

"That might take a few months, I'm telling you this thing's so damned complicated it's a good thing you bought that basinet for them to sleep in because this might not be ready for your due date."

"The one that's five weeks away?" she asked in amusement.

"Exactly." Alison let out a noise of disgust and threw the screwdriver in her hand to one side, before looking up and adding, Are you sure you'll be ok while we'll be away?"

"You're back two weeks before I'm due," Jackie remarked calmly. "I'll be absolutely fine."

Alison continued regardless, "If we hadn't already booked it when you announced you were pregnant then we wouldn't be going you know."

"Alison would you just relax, my midwife says I'm right on track, I'm working for another two weeks and so for the week before you get back I'll just relax and put my feet up."

"Well just remember that if you need anyone, an errand girl, anything at all, Sarah will be at home."

"So she didn't change her mind then?"

"Nope, and as she turned eighteen last month I can't stop her from deciding she doesn't want to come on holiday with her decrepit parents and irritating siblings, especially not when she's already going on holiday with her friends next month before she starts uni."

"I can't believe she's so grown up."

"No neither can I, seems like only yesterday she was announcing in a packed supermarket that she was Cinderella," Alison laughed. "You just wait, they grow up quickly, it sometimes feel like if you blink you'll miss something."

"I'll just have to make the most of them then, won't I," she replied, her hand stroking over her bump. "To be honest I'm starting to get a bit fed up of being pregnant, I just want to hold them, to see what they look like."

"It won't be long, this is the longest part ironically, probably because you're so uncomfortable, need to pee every five minutes and waddle instead of walk."

"I wish I could say that I don't waddle, but sadly I don't think at this size I'm walking with any sort of grace."

Alison smiled. "Just think when you've got a screaming baby to deal with at all hours of the night you might want to go back in time to this stage."

"I don't think I'll ever want to go back to this, I've almost forgotten what my feet look like."

"What you need is someone to give you an ankle rub."

"Well unless you're offering I don't see that as a possibility," Jackie remarked dryly, her eyebrow quirked in amusement.

* * *

Undoing his top button, Robbie poured himself a generous splash of whisky, downing it quickly, wincing as it burned its way down his throat. It didn't help to blur the memory of the latest date, the latest dismal attempt to move on, the abject failure or the constant feeling of guilt at having turned his back on Jackie and their baby.

He'd tried to tell himself it was for the best but that didn't make it any easier, didn't ease what he was feeling. He was trying to protect them and at the same time he couldn't help but feel he was doing the wrong thing. Trying to tell himself that Gaby was right, that he was too selfish to be a good father and therefore they were better off without him.

It was just that he wasn't better off without them, he could still see that blurry outline of their baby from that first scan and it sent his stomach into his throat, the thought of letting them down made him feel physically ill. He thought of that teddy bear that was abandoned in his spare room, he'd wanted them to have that more than he'd ever realised, wanted them to have something from him that they treasured, that they lugged around with them wherever they went until it was tatty and tired looking, and instead it was set to languish in his cold, empty flat.

Sighing, he let his head sink into his hands. He didn't want this to be his future, alone and miserable. The last few weeks had been the worst of his life, Jackie barely spoke to him and anything he seemed to say just appeared to aggravate her, especially if he attempted to show any concern for her. It looked as though he'd managed to convince her that he didn't really care for her, that it had all just been a deal to him, a way to get her into bed and give her the one thing she wanted without having to take any responsibility. The irony being that it was the furthest fact possible away from the truth, he wanted her and their baby more than he wanted his next breath.

He stared down at the bottle of whisky he'd taken to swigging directly from though, it must be that that had prompted his last overly dramatic thought, Robbie told himself, although he did want both of them. He wanted to be part of a happy family, the type he'd never seen in action, the type he'd never really thought possible when he'd heard his mother crying late and night and felt the sting of his Dad's belt for the tiniest of infractions, but he had no idea how to be part of something good, after all everything he touched turned to shit.

* * *

**Two Weeks Later**

Levering herself out of her bed, Jackie winced, rubbing at the dull ache in her lower back, she'd been slightly achy the day before as well but this was slightly sharper than the day before. As it eased off slightly she let out a part irritated, part relived sigh, bloody Braxton hicks again. It was absolutely the last thing she needed on her last day at work.

* * *

"Robbie, take Jackie with you when you go and see Rachel Fairburn."

Both Jackie and Robbie's heads snapped up at Burke's sudden announcement. Robbie frowned at Jackie's massive stomach before questioning, "Really? What if she gives birth in the woman's house, I don't see that helping our case."

"If it gets me away from this desk then I'm happy to go just about anywhere," Jackie interjected, glaring at Robbie as she added, "And I'm not going to go into labour on the woman's floor."

"It does look like that's a possibility," Stuart joked, trying to lighten the mood. Things had been strained between his two friends for weeks now and he wasn't sure what had prompted it. For a day or so they had appeared to be on a more even keel, then suddenly they were back to ignoring one another. Although to be honest it appeared to be Jackie doing most of the avoiding. "It is your last day of work after all."

"It might be my last day of work, but I still have three weeks to go, not to mention that most pregnancies go over the mark."

"Doesn't mean yours will," Robbie snipped back.

Burke rolled his eyes, growling, "Would you lot stop nattering on! Robbie, I want Jackie to go because we need this woman's witness statement to make this case stick, she's terrified of McCredie but she's more worried about her children's safety, so who better to convince her that testifying is in her family's best interests than a woman about to have her own."

"I don't like it," Robbie replied sullenly. "It's a risk we don't have to take."

"I don't see you coming back with any better ideas, Inspector Ross," he countermanded.

"There has to be a better way." He gestured in Jackie's direction. "She looks like she's about to pop."

"Oi!" Jackie protested. "You know just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean I can't throw a heavy object directly at your head!"

"I'm beginning to think someone should aim one at yours, at least that way you might see some sense. I mean you've been rubbing at your back all morning and that's when you're sitting down."

"Well maybe if you had a small person battering you from the inside out you might be a bit stiff as well," Jackie shot back quickly, after all the pain wasn't constant, although it was slightly sharper than it had been in the morning, but a chance to stretch her legs would help that, she reasoned.

"Would you two stop it! You've been at each other's throats for weeks now and I'm sick to the back teeth of it, so sort yourselves out!" Burke yelled, glaring between the two of them, "Now, Jackie do you feel up to this?"

"Absolutely," she replied certainly. "I wouldn't be going if I didn't."

"Good, then the pair of you get going then."

Shooting a triumphant smirk in Robbie's direction, Jackie lumbered to her feet, unable to stop herself from wincing when a tight wave rippled from her back round to her stomach, stronger and more intense than anything she'd felt previously. Robbie jumped on it instantly, "What was that?" he asked suspiciously.

"A particularly vicious kick," she snapped back, her teeth gritted as she felt the pain expand slightly until it gradually began to ease off. She might be lying but she was not about to let a stupid practice contraction keep her stuck at this desk for one second longer than she had to be there. "So absolutely nothing for you to worry about," she finished pointedly.

Robbie's face settled into a deep frown, her hand was still resting on her back and he could see she was kneading at her lower muscles, her cheeks slightly more flushed than usual. Bloody stubborn woman, he decided, he only hoped that she was right as per usual, although a small part of him wouldn't mind crowing if she was wrong. "Fine," he muttered, waving his hand in the direction of the door, "After you."

He shook his head as he watched her make an attempt to flounce out, only for her bump to completely hamper her. They had just hit the corridor when she announced, "You'll need to wait a minute, baby's on my bladder again." Robbie glared at her, just for the sake of it and slumped against the wall, waiting for her.

* * *

Her hand tightening on the sink until her knuckles turned white, Jackie let out a low hiss of breath, her other hand resting on her stomach as she felt it tighten. Braxton hicks, she told herself again, that was all these were, practice contractions. It was far too early for the real deal, she had three weeks, and yes the midwife had mentioned that the baby was quite far down already and might come early but she hadn't meant this early!

The pain started to ease, her muscles relaxing and this time it was a sigh of relief she let out. It was too early she decided firmly, she was not, not having this baby today. She kept her hand on her stomach and muttered to her bump, "No, You're not going to do this, you are going to stay where you are for the next three weeks, I might want to see you but I want you to stay where you are for just a little bit longer. Especially because I can't bear you're father when he gets all smug about being right."

* * *

Jackie glared at the car radio, wanting nothing more than to reach out and slap Robbie's hand away from the controls he was incessantly fiddling with. Unfortunately as her hand was curled into the small side pocket of the car door's interior as she tried to fight off the urge to cry out. Her lips pursed together, it was a good thing he was ignoring her, because otherwise she didn't think she'd be able to deny the truth to him anymore.

It would appear that her child had decided to ignore her instructions – a trait she hoped they wouldn't continue with – and make their appearance early. She was going to have to admit soon that she was in labour, but she couldn't quite bring herself to say the words out loud, it would appear that denial was not just a river in Egypt.

Her eyes squeezed shut, her teeth biting into her bottom lip as another wave hit her until finally a small noise eked out from behind her teeth. Robbie turned sharply to look at her, "What's wrong?" He asked, and for a moment she thought she heard true concern in his tone.

"I think you're going to have to turn the car around," she told him breathlessly, opening her eyes again as the pain eased again. She turned to look at Robbie, seeing that his hands had tightened on the wheel, his face pale and his eyes wide as he stared at the road ahead of himself.

"I thought you said you were fine, in fact I distinctively remember you saying so," he snapped sounding slightly panicked. "I wanted you to stay in the office."

"This would still be happening!" She countered back sharply, "At least I'm in the car."

"Yeah, you're in a car heading in the opposite direction to the bloody hospital!"

"Yes because I wanted to go into premature labour while at work, while my birthing partner is in another country and I'm stuck with the man who wants nothing to do me or our baby!"

Robbie's lips thinned until they turned white. "You're only early by three weeks," he supplied finally. He reached out and squeezed her hand. "That's nothing, the baby will be fine."

"You don't know that." She pressed a balled up fist to her forehead. "I shouldn't have ignored it for so long, shouldn't have just written it off as Braxton hicks."

"What's a Braxton...you know what it doesn't matter," he amended himself hurriedly. "Fuck," he hissed under his breath as he scanned the road ahead of them."

"What is it?" Jackie asked, more than a hint of anxiety creeping into her tone.

"The next turn off's not for ten miles, can't turn around until then, so it'll be at least half an hour before we get you to hospital, more if we hit traffic."

"Which knowing sod's law we will," she moaned. "Shit!" She braced herself against the dashboard as another contraction hit.

"It's fine, look can't you tell roughly how close you are by the contraction things, don't they do something?" he asked unsurely.

Coming to the end of her contraction, Jackie let out a low moan and replied on a somewhat shaky breath, "You've been through this before, surely you should know more than I do?"

"Gaby had a c-section, I wasn't allowed in and we never got as far as contractions before they whipped Jamie out."

She looked at the grim set to his jaw and decided it was best not to comment on what he'd just said, instead telling him, "I can time them, I'll need to wait until the end of the next one and time how long it takes until the beginning of the one after that."

"Right, well before we start to panic, do that, we might have ages yet."

"Believe me I'm well past the start panicking stage and into full blown terror," she quipped as she unclipped her wrist watch, holding it in her hand, her fingers squeezing around it as she let out a low moan again.

"Just breathe through it," Robbie tried to encourage her.

"Don't know how," she admitted breathlessly, the words a struggle to get out.

He frowned at her. "Didn't you do the classes?"

Jackie shook her head, unable to form words anymore as she silently willed the contraction to end. As it eased off she checked the time and told him quietly, "The classes clashed with my nephew's swimming club so Alison couldn't come with me, I told her I went but the truth was I didn't want to go on my own."

He let out an annoyed snort. "You could have asked me!"

"You have made it perfectly clear that you don't want to be involved."

"I said if you needed me though I'd be there."

"And I told you that if we have any hope of getting back to the way things were, I need boundaries," she snapped.

"Yeah, well you're boundaries have done us the world of good right now! Stuck on the fucking motorway and heading in the wrong direction while you give birth in my car."

"Because this is exactly how I wanted to have my baby," she snarled. "I didn't want a peaceful birth, no I wanted to be bickering with you throughout the entire thing, stuck in your tip of a car!"

Jackie's hand hit the dashboard as another contraction hit, and Robbie looked at her in alarm. "That was quick," he stated. "How quick was it?"

She didn't answer for a long moment, a low moan escaping from her lips as she rocked backwards and forwards before she finally told him breathlessly, "Three minutes."

"That's not long is it? Look maybe we should just call for an ambulance."

"No, that would be overdramatic," she protested. "My waters haven't broken yet so we have time, plenty of time, she added after a small breath, almost as though she were attempting to reassure herself.

Robbie reached out and squeezed her hand. "The baby will be fine," he told her again, his eyes not deviating from the road, but his voice firm and certain.

Jackie curled her fingers around his for a moment, returning the squeeze. "I'm sure your right." She replied. "This just wasn't how I planned it."

"Best laid plans. We'll be there soon," he assured her. "Quick as we can."

* * *

It felt like the longest journey for both of them, the conversation and the bickering tailing off as Jackie tried to figure out how best to breathe through her contractions. She'd clawed at her seatbelt, the added pressure not helping her discomfort and it was only at Robbie's rather forceful insistent that she kept it on.

Finally though they pulled into the car park, and by that time, Jackie was completely flushed and as the contractions grew in frequency and intensity, her moans became louder and sharper. "You'll need to help me out," she told him. "The seat's pretty low down."

Leaning down, Robbie helped her up, his arm wrapping around her waist as he asked somewhat anxiously, "Are you alright?"

"I've been better." Her hand wrapped round his and she turned her face to look up at him as she added lowly, "I know what I said about needing you to keep your distance, but I don't think I can do this alone."

"I'll stay with you for as long as you want me," he told her automatically, he had never had any intention of letting her go through this on her own, no matter how much the thought of the upcoming hours terrified him, he was going to stay with her.

"I don't have anything with me," she told him suddenly. "My bag is packed and sitting in the bloody hallway of my flat."

"Anybody with a key?"

"My niece and one of my neighbours."

"What one would you prefer to call?" he asked.

"My neighbour, if I call Sarah she'll be straight on the phone to my brother and that will just panic everyone, and it's not like they can do anything where they are."

"Right, well once we get you into a bed, I'll call them, ask them to drop the bag off, so does the neighbour have a name?"

"Annie, she works from home so she should be in."

"Perfect, so fingers crossed we can have the bag here within half an hour."

"I'll need my notes as well, they're resting on the side table in the hall."

"I'll tell her," he assured her. "So you just concentrate on your breathing, ok?"

"I'll try, although I've decided I want that bloody epidural."

* * *

Jackie's fingers tightened into the bottom rail of the bed as she rocked back and forth on her feet, trying to relieve some of her discomfort. She'd always kind of assumed that childbirth might not be as bad as it was made out to be, but she had definitely been wrong.

The door opened and Robbie rushed in, a triumphant grin on his face. "Got the bag," he told her happily. "Oh, and Annie says good luck."

The contraction easing slightly, Jackie straightened. "I'm going to need it," she grumbled. "I can't believe I'm too late for a bloody epidural, my waters haven't even broken yet."

"Yeah but you heard what they say, you're too far dilated. By the way I meant to ask what does that even mean?"

"I really don't think you want to know," she told him dryly.

"Ah." He pulled a face, if Jackie was telling him he didn't want to know then he was positive that it couldn't be anything good. Deciding to change the subject he asked, "You wanting to change out of that gown then?"

"I am," She pulled at the hospital gown she had on and pulled a face, "After all this is hardly high fashion."

"You mean we won't be seeing it on the catwalks?" He quipped.

"I wouldn't have thought so," Jackie laughed, her face turned serious as added quietly, "Thank you for getting this."

He shrugged, "It was nothing, really."

"It was something to me, I would never have thought of phoning Annie if you hadn't been here."

"Just glad I could do something for you, make this a bit easier," Robbie replied, moving closer to her until they were almost touching.

She smiled, and for the first time in weeks when she smiled at him this one reached her eyes. "You have," she assured him quietly. She winced suddenly and felt a pulling, almost giving away sensation as there was a gush of water. Looking over her bump, she bit down on her bottom lip not sure if she wanted to laugh or cry when she saw that Robbie's shoes were soaked. "I'm so sorry," she muttered.

Robbie stared down at his shoes in shock. "Please tell me that was your waters."

"It was."

"Thank Christ," he breathed out. "That I can live with."

* * *

"Have you heard back from either of them yet?" Burke barked at Stuart. "They should have been there and back by now."

"Maybe she's taking longer to convince than we thought," Stuart remarked.

"That doesn't explain why they haven't bothered their arses to pick up their phones," he snapped back.

"You think something's wrong?" He asked worriedly.

"No, I think they've gone bloody skiving, they're probably not even got to her bloody house yet." He slammed his fist against the desk and added in a dark murmur, "I'll throttle the pair of them when they get back." His eyes snapped back to Stuart. "Give them both another call."

"Yes, Sir."

* * *

Robbie manoeuvred himself behind Jackie, rubbing at her lower back as she let out a sharp cry, and he could feel her muscles tighten almost unbearably under his hands. "You're doing really well," he tried to assure her.

Her head fell back against his shoulder, her hair dishevelled and curling into damp tendrils that clung to her face. "I'm tired," she told him. "I don't want to do this anymore."

"It's not long to go now," the midwife assured her briskly, "the head's crowning so you can start pushing on your next contraction."

"I'm not ready for this," she muttered quietly to Robbie, her tone growing slightly desperate.

"Yes you are. You've been ready for this for ages." He kissed her forehead and reaching forward interlinked his hands through her fingers, adding, "You just need to push, come on, you can squeeze my hands. It'll all be over soon and you'll get to see Sprout, that's what you wanted, remember?"

Her brown eyes met his and she bit back a moan as her next contraction started, giving him a sharp nod she pushed downwards, trying to focus on the midwife's encouragement.

Robbie felt his eyes water as his fingers began to go numb, he'd forgotten to take Jackie's strength into account when he made his offer. He wasn't sure how much more he could take of this before his fingers broke. He glanced down at Jackie's face, and on hearing another sharp cry as she pushed, winced, he was definitely in the better position he decided quickly. Lowering his head he pressed his mouth against her ear. "Keep going, just one more push."

He heard her give another moan and then felt her relax suddenly, sagging back against his chest as a loud, sharp wail filled the air. His eyes stayed rooted on Jackie's face, unable to bring himself to look yet, he saw her face light up, the tiredness almost evaporate from her face as she let go of his hands and lean forward again. "It's a boy," he heard the midwife tell them, and he could hear the smile in her voice.

He turned slowly to take a look at his son for the first time. The little boy was red faced and screaming as he was placed onto Jackie's stomach, his arms flailing in protest at his new surroundings. Thin whisps of dark hair were matted and stuck to his head, and the midwife wrapped him quickly into a clean towel as Jackie gathered him close into her.

"He's perfect," she breathed out softly, her finger trailing over his perfect cheek. The baby stilled, his cries falling to whimpers as his eyes opened for the first time, staring up at them quizzically, his forehead slightly crumpled.

Robbie felt his heart melt. When he'd first seen Jamie he'd been wrapped snugly in a blanket, perfectly clean and sleeping peacefully, but despite the imperfectness of this situation he realised that this moment - while no less important - felt more real to him. "He is," he agreed quietly. "He really is."


	14. Chapter 14

Robbie swallowed against the lump in his throat as he cradled his son in his arms, watching as the infant snuffled slightly, letting out a small whimper as he wriggled within his tightly tucked blankets. He simply held him that tiny bit tighter as he told him lowly, "Just try and hold off for a little bit longer, give your Mum a rest."

He glanced over his shoulder to check that Jackie was still asleep, she was, curled onto her side, facing the now empty bassinet. He'd stayed with her as their son had fed for the first time, watched her as she moved carefully, almost awkwardly. She hadn't said anything and Robbie had been surprised to find that the moment wasn't as awkward as he'd thought it might be, they were both too caught up in watching the tiny new life they'd created for it to be that. Finally when the baby was settled back into the clear plastic bassinet, he had pushed himself off the bed and went to call Burke, let him know what had happened.

When he'd returned to the room he'd found Jackie fast asleep and he'd been unable to stop himself from going over to his little boy and staring at him. He should distance himself, he'd known that, he'd made the decision not to be involved but he couldn't seem to tear himself away. His son's eyes were open, his forehead still crinkled and he looked almost perplexed by the turn of events that had led him here. He was immaculate now, clean and perfect looking in a glowing white baby-gro, his small tufts of dark hair no longer matted to his head but soft and downy looking.

Robbie had been unable to stop his wide smile as he'd reached down and took hold of that tiny hand that was encased in the smallest mitten Robbie thought he'd ever seen and felt the tiny fingers within it clutch at his ring finger. Unable to hold back any longer, he reached into the bassinet and carefully picked up the little boy and gathering him close to his chest, holding him for the very first time.

He examined every feature on his face, memorising it, tracing his fingertips over his head and cheek as he felt his heart swell until he thought it might burst. Listening to his snuffles, he'd kissed his forehead, hushed his whimpers and encouraged him to stay quiet to let Jackie rest a little while longer. Eventually the baby quietened, giving a wide yawn as his own eyes closed and Robbie whispered to him, "No matter what else I do, I'm going to make sure that no-one ever hurts you."

The room was silent for a few minutes as Robbie continued to hold his son tightly, unable to bring himself to put him down. He turned when he heard Jackie shift, and saw her eyes open, saw her register the empty crib and watched her straighten as panic shot through her eyes. "I've got him," Robbie assured her lowly.

Jackie swung round to look at him and her shoulders relaxed when she saw that her son was safe and well in Robbie's arms. "Is he sleeping?"

"He is."

"I didn't think you'd still be here," she continued, a frown crossing her features as she took in the sight of Robbie clutching at their baby almost desperately, as though he never wanted to put him down.

Robbie shrugged, "Felt like I should stay for a bit," he admitted.

She nodded, the heavy silence between them stretching out, the tension in the air palpable. Slowly Robbie crossed the room and lowered the baby into Jackie's arms, watching as her features instantly softened. "I know I said it before but he really is perfect," she whispered as she stared down at him.

"He is, be giving all the girls the run around."

"Although hopefully not for a few years yet," Jackie noted wryly, a small chuckle escaping her.

Robbie gave a small grin, he wanted to sit next to her, wrap his arm around Jackie and hold them both close, instead he was holding himself back, trying to bring himself to drive that final wedge, to turn on his heel and walk away so that he didn't build her hopes, give false expectations of what could be expected of him, but he couldn't, not yet, so instead he asked, "Have you picked a name?"

"No," she admitted. "I had a couple I liked but none of them seem to suit him and I think my brain's too fuzzy to think of something that does."

"Plenty of time."

"Hmmm, maybe but he can't stay Baby Boy Reid forever," Jackie replied unthinkingly.

Robbie felt his shoulder tighten, felt as though someone had hit him in his gut, winded him, it was something he'd never considered, that his little boy wouldn't even have his name, he'd have nothing of his, nothing at all. He cleared his throat after a few long, extended seconds of silence and told her, "You never know, it might catch on."

Jackie's frown was back in place as she looked up at him again. "Robbie...you must have known that he'd have my surname," she offered stiltedly. She wished that the words that were falling from her mouth were different, but he'd made his wishes perfectly clear.

He gave a weak smile, his eyes not lifted from the sleeping baby's face. "Of course I did, just hearing it..." he shook his head. "Doesn't matter."

She wanted to argue with him that it did matter, that the fact her son wouldn't have a father was a topic worth talking about, but she was tired of repeating herself, tired of trying to force his hand, just tired in general if she were to be completely honest. "Well either way he's still going to need a first name." She stroked her finger down his perfect, unmarked cheek and looking back up at Robbie told him sincerely, "I'm glad that you were here for this though, glad that I wasn't on my own."

"I've told you before I'm always going to be here if you need me."

"But you're not," she replied unthinkingly.

He looked at her in surprise. "Of course I am, you only need to ask me-"

Jackie gave an irate sigh as she interrupted, "I shouldn't have to ask."

Robbie felt his shoulders stiffen. "This is what you wanted," he reminded her lowly, "to do this on your own."

"I'm tired, Robbie, tired of having this conversation."

"You brought it up so you obviously want to have it again," he snapped back, his voice a low hiss in order not to wake the little boy.

"I know what I said in the past, but things have changed now he's here, you can't deny that. He deserves a Dad, a proper one."

Robbie felt as though his throat were closing in panic. "You know I can't."

"That's the thing, Robbie, you can do it and I wish more than anything else that you'd at least try."

He looked down at the sleeping baby, his perfect son and he wanted him to stay that way, unmarked by the disappointment of an inadequate father. He'd seen the look of disappointment on Jamie's face too many times, heard the resigned tone in his voice, he couldn't do that to another kid of his. "I just think it would be better if we stuck to what we said."

Jackie let out a humourless chuckle. "You mean the reality where you play the benevolent uncle?"

"Better that than a shit Father," he shot back.

"Not when you're not even willing to try." She stared down at her newborn son again and gave a soft sigh, "Robbie...if you're not willing to try then I want you to stay away."

His heart hammering against his chest, Robbie protested, "I can't." He gave a nervous laugh, "Jackie we work together, it's not like I can just disappear from your life."

"I know that, but I'll be off for at least nine months and then I'll need to decide whether staying in CID is best for this one."

"You can't just leave, you're basically saying I won't see either of you."

"You have a choice," she retorted.

Robbie took in a deep breath, trying to decide how best to explain, whether he should even try. He looked down at his son and realised that what he wanted more than anything was to tell her he'd do anything to keep both of them in his life, but the words stuck in throat. He didn't want to be like his father and he wasn't sure how to be anything but that or distant. His mouth moved and yet no words came out as he tried to force himself to say something. Jackie's head had tilted and she looked at him almost worriedly, her previous anger replaced with concern as she prompted him gently, "Robbie, are you ok?"

"I'm fine, I just...I..." He shook his head and his eyes fixed on their little boy, his large hand cupped his head, smoothing his large fingers over the delicate strands of dark hair as he fought to find his words.

Her head bent close to his and she whispered softly, "Robbie, I'm not asking for you to be perfect, I'm just asking you to try."

He stayed silent, considering her words, wondering if perhaps with Jackie's encouragement just maybe he could do this after all. He wanted to, words couldn't describe how much he loved their son already. So he took a deep breath, readied himself to speak, only to be interrupted by the room door flying open and Stuart rushing into the room holding a oversized blue balloon and wearing a daft grin, a much calmer Burke traipsing in behind him.

"Let's see him then," he chattered excitedly, letting go of the balloon so that it simply bopped along the ceiling.

Jackie tore her eyes away from Robbie, unable to help her proud smile as she tilted the baby slightly so the two newcomers could see him a little better. Robbie let his hand fall away from his cheek, Stuart's excitable prattle hurting his already aching head as the younger man oo'd and ah'd.

He got to his feet, couldn't bring himself to just sit through this moment, couldn't pretend that everything was fine, because it just wasn't. He mumbled his excuses, ignored the flash of disappointment that crossed Jackie's features and walked away, just as he'd always said he would.

His feet were like lead as he walked down the corridor, could hear the soft cries of other infants, tried to block them out, but couldn't block out the sound of his boss's voice calling him, "Robbie, wait a minute."

He turned, tried and failed not to glower, muttered, "What is it, Boss? Thought you'd be glad that one of us was getting back to work," his voice held a note of venom that he just couldn't quite hide, needed to vent his anger somehow.

"Not like you to feel the need to rush back," he replied evenly. "It's a happy occasion, surprised you don't want to stick around."

"I've been here for all of it so far, thought maybe Jackie would want some space."

Burke gave a snort of derision, "Don't give me that crap."

Robbie raised his eyes to meet the older man's defiantly as he asked, "Something you want to say?"

Burke straightened his shoulders, as he finally decided to voice the suspicion that had built over the months. "I want you to tell me that the kid isn't yours."

He should lie, deny the truth, it would be better that way, but he was tired of hiding something that he wanted to admit to. "You'll be waiting a long time then."

Burke gave an irritated splutter, his neck blotching purple, his cheeks puffing out in indignation as he took a heavy step forward. "What the hell did you two think you were playing at?"

Looking upwards at the ceiling tiles for a moment, Robbie let out a puff of air and shook his head. "I don't know, it seemed like a good idea at the time, thought it couldn't go wrong."

"Aye well there can be a few obvious consequences from shagging, thought the one class you'd have paid attention in would be biology." He let out an annoyed snort. "So why are you not in there facing up to your responsibilities?"

"Can't," Robbie admitted. "I'm not good at this, Gaby took Jamie thousands of miles away from me I was that bad and he wasn't exactly gutted at the idea of leaving me behind."

"So learn from your bloody mistakes. Jesus, Robbie!" He shook his head. "Nobody's perfect but if you don't at least try then nothing in your life is ever going to change."

"Maybe I don't want it to change," Robbie muttered mulishly.

"Cut the shit!" Burke snapped. "You can't just turn your back and leave Jackie to face this alone, you need to step up."

"No I don't, Jackie wanted to do this alone, we agreed she would and now she wants to change the rules of the game I'm just supposed to jump?" Robbie snarled. He wasn't angry at Jackie, not really, he was angry at himself, angry that he couldn't just do what he wanted to and step up.

"No woman wants to do this unsupported."

"She did," he insisted. "That was the agreement, I got her pregnant and she'd take it from there."

"Agreement?" Burke muttered warningly.

Robbie pursed his lips, realising that he'd let too much slip and he averted his gaze as he felt Burke's eyes almost bore a hole through him. "Jackie wanted a kid, I thought it would be better if she didn't have it with some anonymous donor so here we are."

"So let me get this straight...this kid is a test tube baby?"

"No, he's not."

Burke's skin mottled again. "What world were you two residing in when you came up with this idiotic idea? Was it not complicated enough between the pair of you without adding a kid into the mix?"

"She was going to go ahead of it regardless of me making the offer," he mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Then why make it? You didn't have to involve yourself in this."

"I didn't want her having some stranger's kid, that's why," he admitted, finally saying the words out loud.

"If you feel that way then why are you not in there with them both."

"I told you, I can't be a good dad and I can't let them down the way I did with Gaby and Jamie."

Burke patted his arm as he told him quietly, "But if you walk away then that's exactly what you're doing. Just think about this carefully, you've got a second chance and take it from someone else who screwed up his relationship with his son, you should grab this with both hands."

Robbie watched as Burke finally turned on his heel and left him in the quiet corridor, thinking on his words.


End file.
